my sweetheart's fantasy of being coerced and overpowered

[axel]

I am a very gentle lover who likes tenderness and soft lovemaking.My gf adores me and she tells how she relishes being treated so nicely.One night , though, while talking about our most secret fantasies, she confessed that she gets terribly turned on with the idea of being overpowered after an argument and a fight.Actually she gets very excited by the thought of having to struggle fiercely but eventually to be overtaken by force and being compelled to have sex against her will.She fantasizes her humiliation as a punishment because of arguing with me.She precised that she would be in ecstasy if pinned down with her hands immobilized over her head ,squirming her body to no avail.
The problems are that we never argue, that i feel for her most tenderly, that i have never been violent with a woman and that she is very strong.Her built is rather heavy (not fat, just muscles and heavy bones)and i am of a very light built, rather intellectual type.
What I cant really conceive is how a woman can struggle in earnest ,even hurting herself in the process, crying and protesting honestly, while she gets more and more aroused and pleased.What is her purpose while fighting, to win or to be subdued? If she wants to be subdued, while does she has to fight so fiercely and she does not give in? If she earnestly wants to avoid being coerced into having sex, then she will miss all the satisfaction her body and mind seek so desperately !!! How does all this make sense? Can any woman who has experienced it or who has the same desire explain that to me? Can anybody experienced, man or woman, guides me how to ?

 

[TigerClaw]

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[axel]

i am sorry for your broken relatuonship

Tiger_n_NJ, thank you for advice and of course we have already agreed on a safe word. But this is not the problem and I definitely cannot be abusive or cruel, it is totally against my character.My problem is that i have no reason to argue and it seems that some women get turned on by arguing and fighting, which i dont really understand. I dont know why we have to argue first and jeopardize our relationship and not simply play wrestling ,just as a joyful game.There
must be something deeper in some women insticts, which i need to discover and understand.
Did you break with your gf because she wanted the same and something went wrong? I am really interested in that!If you dont want to tell in public i can give you my e-mail address.The funny thing is I live in Europe and my gf lives in NJ, as you do !

 

[dancinvixen]

This is coming from a woman's point of view. <g> Most especially, a woman who does enjoy both types of sexual relations. I love the tenderness that I receive from my husband, I truly do, but I also enjoy being overpowered, and "forced" to have sex. I think that almost all women have something or some type of a rape fantasy. I think it goes back to the cavemen days. Not totally sure why, but hey if it works.
Just be sure that you both enjoy it. And that if she uses your safe word that you stop. The most important thing in this whole situation is trust. Don't abuse it.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[Always]

it's the thrill of someone who you know would never normally do something like that just taking control and giving you no choice. you want it yet you don't want them to know you do...

does that even make sense? it's kinda hard to put it into words.

 

[Renee]

Tiger we meet again... and WOW can I come to your den and play?

Shila you make perfect sense hon... I have been there myself.

And Axel, it may take a few times to get used to playing this game, and then again you may never get used to it.. it may not be your thing.. but hell, give it a try. Listen to Tiger and use a few of his ideas and from there if you are open to it and she is too, you may discover a whole new world out there that you never knew you wanted to be part of.. then again, you may not like it at all and at least you can tell her you tried but it's not for you. She can't fault you for trying.

 

[Skitten]

I think if that is what she wants and she is communicating those desires with you, then you should make them come true. Some suggestion have a secret word when you know she want you to stop, and still continue to be gentle with her. It is a fantasy that doexn't mean everytime you have sex. Still be a passionate lover and show her how you feel be caring too... But if she wants this find a way where both of you can feel good about doing it there is nothing wrong as long as you both agree......

 

[Whispersecret]

Lots of women have rape fantasies that turn them on. My first erotic story revolved around a non-consent theme and tons of women have written me to tell me how much they adored it. I've been very surprised, because not too long ago, I sort of thought I was the only one who got turned on by those scenes when they showed up in movies.

 

[axel]

i am really surprsied !

I thank you all for the seriousness and concideration you showed towards that delicate subject.Although I would need an ampler and more intimate discussion with those of you who honor me with your answers, i would like especially to ask whispersecret a few things.
On one side I have read tons of volumes of books mostly written by women abhorring rape as the most traumatic experience a woman can have, a wound that never heals. Although I am man, I can imagine what sheer terror can bring that sense of helplessness, of loosing control of your body ,of powerlessness and the sensation of having the most intimate depths of your body invaded. I imagine what shame, hatred and humiliation can bring to a woman the thought of becoming a sexual object that is used for the ecstatic pleasure of somebody she hates more than anybody on earth at tha very moment.
Or the feeling of being betrayed by the physiology of the flesh, experiencing pleasure against her will.Or even worst, obeying to nature laws, to give her rapist the satisfaction that he has brought her to an orgasm without her consent, making her enjoy her torment.
On the other side I am completely aware of the fact that rape is maybe the strongest and commonest women's fantasy.
I know what a strong turn on is for many. My question is:
-how those opposing feelings can be reconciliated?
-whether women who get excited by reading about rape or watching movies would really wish to be a victim.
As for enacting a rape fantasy with a caring loving partner
as a game , it is altogether a different thing.
Or so I think.

 

[bubette]

Hello Dear Axel,
It's a pleasure to meet with you again. I don't know if I can help you with this but maybe I can shed some light on it. I do not get turned on at all watching a movie with a rape scene and the biggest fear I have in real life is to be raped. I think because in real life most of the time rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power and humiliation.
However with my husband I do have a desire to be overpowered and taken by force. I guess because I trust him completely and feel totally safe with him. The turn on for me is his strength in some strange sort of way it makes me feel safe. This is not something we do often but sometimes he will grab me and tell me he needs to come and I'd better cooperate. He 's very rough (though he doesnt hurt me) and holds my hands over my head and forces himself on me. I pretend to struggle for a few minutes both of us knowing I'm getting more and more turned on until finally I give up all pretext of fighting and beg him to fuck me harder and harder.
It's funny he and I were talking the other day about how some women always want to "make love" they won't have sex unless there is candles and romance. I love romance and candles as much as anybody, long leisurely soaks sipping champagne in the hottub and lots of foreplay, but sometimes I just want to be FUCKED. My husband has the uncanny ability to sense my moods without me saying a word. He seems to always know whether he should light the candles or just grab me and bend me over and fuck me senseless. I think its something your going to have to experiment with, I personally would stage an arguement while role playing as other people. I wouldn't risk really getting mad. In my experience with my husband when he's mad sex is the last thing on his mind and he wouldn't fuck me then if his life depended on it.
Good luck and have fun playing. Talk to you soon, I just havent had time to adequately answer your wonderful email.
Bubette

 

[axel]

my dear bubette ,how nice to meet you again!

Hi, my dear bubette!You have had me very relieved by telling me that you liked my e-mail! So, this means that I
will relish in the future more of your stunning e-mails?
I will be looking forward to, with the utmost impatience !
Your answer regarding r/l rape makes absolutely sense. I am not sure though if in all cases every rape is for seek of power and humiliation. Rapist are definitely sick anyway,
regardless of motives (whih is a very ample topic to discuss) and I hope mankind gets sensitized enough to abolish that atrocious crime against women's dignity.
You are very lucky to have a husband who is so uncanny as to understand your mood everytime, and I agree absolutely that both women and their SOs are sometimes in the mood for
rough "violent" and "forced" sex and sometimes in a mood for romance.Regarding the way you play that game, I would like to ask you over some "technicalities" in an e-mail.
I understand how the strength of the person who loves and protects you can turn you on (I remember my gf, who is very strong physically, daring me whether I can pin her down and have her feet tickled against her will !!!).
I quite understand that your husband does not feel like having sex after an argument.That is what makes things a bit strange with my gf, why does she need an argumant? What I feel like is storming in when I know that we both feel horny, grab her, and forcing to have rough sex (which I know gives her mind-blowing orgasms).But why does she need the argumant before? Anyway, the funny thing is that she
suggested me a scenario and she revealed to me a very simple way to have her helpless despite her strength! No matter how fiercely she struggles, she cant avoid been taken according to her cunning suggested method! On the other hand I have discovered her weak point, one that can
paralyze all her defenses and make her body betray her !
All I have to do is access that vulnerable key point of her body !!!
Now, regarding those women who wish to fall victims of a r/l rape, i can't understand a logic impasse: They get turned on by the struggle, which means that they will struggle with ALL their might and protest and scream for help for real.So, by doing so, they prove they do not wish
to be overpowered and finally submit to a rape.Then how is it possible to struggle so resolute to avoid it and still wish NOT to avoid it eventually? Logically it simply does not make sense. To wish to avoid what you wish to happen !!!
Can anybody help me to understand it?

 

[Whispersecret]

Axel, ask away here or on e-mail.

I do not want to be raped in real life. I really don't think there are any women who do. If there are, then they're seriously sick. For me there is a big difference between my mental sexual fantasies and what I truly wish to happen.

It's not all rape scenes in movies that affect me. It depends on the hostility factor. I like reading rape stories, but not the heavy-duty, "You're such a slut! Get on your knees and suck my dick, you worthless cow!" type of stories. If anyone actually gets injured, I click the back button.



[Edited by whispersecret on 10-26-2000 at 08:59 AM]

 

[Guest]

No means No...most of the time

 

[axel]

steaming up !

It seems that the discussion starts again steaming up !
Whispersecret, i am glad you abhor being ever raped in r/l.Are you sure that there are no women who do ? Or that they are seriously sick?
Could such a woman with such a wish answer that question?
Can you please tell me which scenes of rape in movies really turn you on? And I would really cherish an e-mail sent from you to discuss it further ! I am too curious to learn your sexual fantasies concerning rape. My gf has a lot of them and we have had a very long discussion with all hypothetical sides that we could think off.Your feedback would have been invaluable ! So, please e-mail me !

Indy_dark, it would have turned me on beyond any imagination having to struggle for half hour to remove my gf's bathing suit and another hour to pin her down until penetration ! That sort of penetration would have been mind-blowing, indeed ! (You must be both very fit, to stand one hour and a half of fierce struggling and then having sex !!!)
Now you say that when penetrated she surrenders to rapture.
Dont you think that a woman who really does NOT want it, once penetrated in an immobilized position, she stands no chances of avoidance anymore and subsequently she stops struggling anyway ? The most probable would be to start pleading for mercy or whimpering.What else could she do?
Do any women can answer us if in that UNWANTED case can a woman start lubricating and eventually feel real pleasure
up to an orgasm, even if she mentally fights it by any means?
Or the body shuts completely off when the mind objects?
In other words, is the famous "betrayal of the body" a literary fallacy or a reality?

 

[Guest]

 

[axel]

on the contrary

No, inky_dark, I never wanted to justify rape by any means.
Besides, if you read another post of mine at the same thread, I explain exactly my absolute abhorrence , i also said that I hope society gets more sensitized about that crime and takes better measures for its avoidance.
My only question was based on your comment that once pentrated she stops fighting and if she continued fighting that would be a sigh that she does not enjoy it anymore.
So, I just asked by curiosity about a hypothetical woman who gets raped for real, what is expected or supposed to do after actual penetration takes place.
You are right, though, the topic is dominance game between two consenting adults in love, caring and respecting each other.