My submissive nature

[Guest]

I'm a guy & this is the very 1st time out like this, so please be gentle. Does anyone have any suggestions how I might convince my wife how submissive I'd like to be for her? She has some idea & we've made some small progress in that area, but I want her to completely control me & love other men & make me lick them both clean when they're done making love, etc

 

[cymbidia]

There is only one way to accomplish your ends: you must tell her. The words have to come out of your mouth and reach her ears.

If you cannot tell her, try writing what you need, what you want, what you fantasize about and give her your writing on the matter.

Find some sites devoted to F/m pairings and read up on the subject. (Use these as search parameters: Domme, FemDom, msub - all with "bdsm" included, of course.) At these kinds of sites, read and learn what, exactly, you want her to do to you, with you. Print some info off on Dommes, info for beginners, and have it ready to give to her (but don't bury her with paper at the expense of your words).

Begin with her as you mean to continue and tell her honestly what you need and crave. Tell her in a way that is not threatening to her, that insures she knows you still love and value her and the relationship between you.

There are no tricks, no shortcuts. All good D/s relationships always revolve around honesty and trust.

Honesty in such matters is harder to maintain than you might think but it's ultimately an intensely worthwhile venture. Good luck.

 

[Hecate]

There is nothing much I can add to what cymbidia already stated - those are good thoughts and speaking from a Domme point of view there sure are is an enjoyable journey ahead of you if your partner is willing to take that path.

One thing though ... you are asking about involving other men into your sexual intmacy.

I understand the why - I understand the thrill behind it but PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!! make sure - with yourself, deep inside yourself 100% - that is is something you truly want to come true and not only remain a treasured fantasy.

I am saying this because I know that what is a fantasy with intense turn on potential may not be very pleasant when becoming a reality. Ask yourself if you are not going to feel jealous and disgusted after getting what you are asking for!

If you HONESTLY can say it is what you want go ask for it! Don't be disappointed if you aren't gonna get 100% at once and respect the fact that your partner may not really feel comfortable with the including of third parties into this - but on the other hand better be ready to get exactly what you are asking for: A lot of pain and humiliation! And maybe not all of it is going to be a turn on!

Last note: I am not trying to talk you out of it but I see you are asking a lot for a "novice" sub from a novice Domme and I only want to make sure you know what you might be getting yourself into.

 

[Guest]

Thank you both for your thoughtful, positive & supportive responses. That was the 1st time publically admitting that & while it was exciting, it was scarey in a paranoid sort of way. Of course you both agree on the path I must take-it's obvious as soon as it's read. It's such a difficult path! I suppose I was hoping for a "magic pill." We really have made exciting incursions in that direction, but while she obviously enjoyed it while in the throes of passion, her enthusiasm waned afterward. I'd love a full-time sub relationship. Anyway, we'll perserver. Thank you for your kind thoughts. It was interesting to note response from both "sides of the fence." (I think!)

 

[cymbidia]

Yes. ~s~ You heard it from both sides of the fence. I am sub; Hecate is Domme.

We have a small but very supportive community of BDSM'ers here at Lit. We're composed of Dom/mes, subs, and switches. Most of us have pretty extensive rt experience, although some of us are still questing toward that. All of us are like you, on our individual paths and always growing in our understanding of our needs and dersires.

I urge you to think about asking your questions, and you will likely have more questions, of our entire group. You can find our one small peaceful thread here on this forum, the Literotica How To... forum, under the thread name BDSM: Questions and Answers.

You don't have to read all that's been posted before you got there but you certainly may if you like. And you don't have to register and become a Lit member if you don't want to, either, although it's a nice way to get to know people here.

In any case, i wish you joy and luck in the deeper discovery of your needs.

cym


Addendum: Here's a link to our thread: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=39661

 

[Guest]

Thanks, you're really sweet & I will look & ask. When I get more comfortable, I'll register. Interestingly, that site gets more "talk" than almost any other! Actually, I have other, less complicated questions that I will go ask right now.

 

[wizdomme]

I'm a guy & this is the very 1st time out like this, so please be gentle. Does anyone have any suggestions how I might convince my wife how submissive I'd like to be for her? She has some idea & we've made some small progress in that area, but I want her to completely control me & love other men & make me lick them both clean when they're done making love, etc

2 more cents to add to the great replies you've already gotten:

I can't imagine many women not being pleased if her man starts to show more concern for her, wait on her, do things for her, please her physically, emotionally & sexually, etc., while putting his own needs & wants on hold. If you want to convince her that you'd like to be submissive to her, add the Nike touch and JUST DO IT.

Getting her to do the more adventurous things you may want to do is something else. It may or may not happen, but in the end it doesn't really matter in the big scheme of things. If she's your domme, then it's her desires and wishes that should be acted on, not yours - otherwise you end up being the one running the show. If a dom/me repeatedly does things he or she doesn't really want to do and only does them to please the sub, you've got a Pandora's Box full of headtrips just waiting to mess with you both. Once in awhile as a treat or reward is something else, and gives you something to strive for by staying on your best behavior (according to her definitions, of course!)

You might find some useful info at my website, http://www.wizdomme.com - Good luck to you both

 

[WillowWhip]

I think you are asking for a little too much a little too soon but that is just my humble opinion. A Domme/sub relationship takes time to grow, please don't rush it.
There are two great books that can be bought at most Borders or Barnes & Noble stores;The Mistress Manual and Different Loving.

My suggestion is to buy them and highlight things that interest you. Ask her to do the same and then sit down and talk until you feel you can't talk anymore. Work your way slowly into a relationship that is comfortable for you both.

In our society women are taught from birth that they should, at the very least, be somewhat submissive to their man. It takes alot for some women to overcome a lifetime of learning.
The big question is; are you truly submissive or do you just want a sexual thrill? Either answer is ok, just makes sure you are honest with her and yourself.

Enjoy your quest.