My Story

[LillyRoses]

Trying to figure out why I had so many views of my story up..and no one wrote any feedback? It is Sabrina's Education--wondering if anyone like it and wanted to see more of Sabrina?

http://www.literotica.com/s/sabrinas-education-ch-01

 

[Dream_Operator]

I liked the story, Lily. You write well.

There are some punctuation problems, particularly with dialog, that could be cleaned up by an editor.

Try to avoid overusing words -- sigh, blush and flush -- stood out to me.

I thought the transition from the mansion scene to the sex scene (though I enjoyed it) didn't really flow. Either save the flashback for later, or write a better setup. Perhaps Sabrina thinks back at all the bad times at the home and then remembers the good times. Maybe this is when she spends her first night at the mansion? IDK

As it is, the sex scene kinda dominates the first chapter and the reader is left not knowing what the story is going to be about.

Not sure why you introduced Mr. Jeffers. Didn't seem to go anywhere. Either flush him out or cut him out (for now).

Overall, well done.

PS I've heard that almost nobody reads novels and novellas stories. You might want to resubmit your story in another category.

PPS Only a small fraction of readers will comment on your story -- good or bad.