My second story

[PunkFan]

Warning! it is a shemale story so please avoid if it is not your thing.

I finally got Sally: His Perfect Shemale Partner updated. I will include both links but do mostly wan't feedback on the second story. Thanks, PunkFan

heres a link for Ch. 1 http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=20311 and Ch.2 http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=49137

 

[NoJo]

Sally 2

PunkFan, as you're a fan of Punk I know you must be an ok person!
I never usually comment on grammar and style, because I don't actually GIVE a shit about them BUT...
I think you may be letting yourself down with your style.. too many "he said", "she saids" everywhere, made it feel like I was reading a police statement. So that got in the way for me.
Also for me, using the same word a lot is a bit numbing.
Now, I know you can't use Microsoft's shift F7 thesaurus to find another word for CUM, so get a slang dictionary.

Besides being a lot of laughs to read, good slang dictionaries will give you stock of hundreds of words for cock, cunt, fuck and cum.


Joe.