My question of the day

[barn888]

Is marrige really worth it?

I am 34 years old and have never been married, I was engadged 6 years ago but it went bad before we tied the knot, (whic\h is better than if it had gone bad afterwords!) I have a few friends who have been married for 10+ years and so far seem to be very happy, I have other friends who are devorced and say they'll never get married again, then there's my one friend that is younger than me and he's on wife #3 right now, I have to wonder, is it worth it.

So, any thoughts? Is it better to stay single these days or what?

 

[bored3]

If you marry the right person, then yes marriage is worth it.

Just make sure that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, don't ever settle. I am going to be married for 17 years and I am still wondering if I just settled.

One piece of advise do not marry young, you have not yet experienced life yet.

Oh, and if you are not married, you never have to answer the question, so, when are you coming home?

 

[barn888]

If you marry the right person, then yes marriage is worth it.

Just make sure that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, don't ever settle. I am going to be married for 17 years and I am still wondering if I just settled.

One piece of advise do not marry young, you have not yet experienced life yet.

Oh, and if you are not married, you never have to answer the question, so, when are you coming home?

I was beginning to think that noone here wanted to discuss marrige, lol. Thank you for your views.

 

[alltherage]

That is a completely individual question. I can say that commitment is worth it. Whether that includes marriage is up to the people involved.

 

[redrider4u]

Is marrige really worth it?

I am 34 years old and have never been married, I was engadged 6 years ago but it went bad before we tied the knot, (whic\h is better than if it had gone bad afterwords!) I have a few friends who have been married for 10+ years and so far seem to be very happy, I have other friends who are devorced and say they'll never get married again, then there's my one friend that is younger than me and he's on wife #3 right now, I have to wonder, is it worth it.

So, any thoughts? Is it better to stay single these days or what?

Well, I'm 48 and in the middle of extricating myself from my second marriage. So, I do not have the best attitude about the institution. The best thing about the marriage is two wonderful children. The financial consequences of breaking up are really horrid.

So, if you want children, I personally think marriage is best for kids. But I would not marry only for that.

If you want companionship, etc., then go for the single life. In today's world there is no absolute need for marriage.

Just my 2 cents. I used to have 5 cents.

 

[oz_akasha]

Is marrige really worth it?

I am 34 years old and have never been married, I was engadged 6 years ago but it went bad before we tied the knot, (whic\h is better than if it had gone bad afterwords!) I have a few friends who have been married for 10+ years and so far seem to be very happy, I have other friends who are devorced and say they'll never get married again, then there's my one friend that is younger than me and he's on wife #3 right now, I have to wonder, is it worth it.

So, any thoughts? Is it better to stay single these days or what?

Thoughts...........

I have been married twice & in 6 months about to enter my third..........& I am 35...............

My first we meet when we were 17 & married young, we did not get the chance to experience life.................by the time we reached 25 we had both grown but sadly in different directions........
Enter number 2........A relation which should never have been taken as far as marriage..............but I did.............We did have 5 good, comfortable years together................

My third.......this will take place in Feb 04, this one is for keeps I have finally met my soulmate, best friend & lover all rolled into one...................

Barn I thought when my 2nd had finished that was it for me...........no more I will just live in sin for the rest of my life.........

But having Raven in my life & him showing me what love, trust & understanding really is made me go ""I Have Found My Perfect Partner""

So I can say i can't wait till Feb 04 to become Raven's wife........

 

[Icey*Fire]

I dont even have two cents worth to put in..but here goes..
these days I dont think marriage is worth it...why not just live with someone,,,if there is love there,,it will be there whether or not that piece of paper is signed..

I used to think that marriage was forever...and hoped that it would always be that way.,.but life has opened my eyes .It has made me very cynical towards love and happily ever after...

But I think there is a tiny place in my heart that still wants that special somone to show up and prove me wrong..

 

[innocentnbama]

I think I married too young and for the wrong reasons.I think I have settled and am paying the price now.I am married now and have 2 kids and am scared to try to get out because of my children.I am not totally unhappy but I am not totally happy either.So is marriage worth it?Well if you find someone you feel you can not live with out for the rest of your life yes.But I wouldn't be in a hurry for it or go looking for marriage.If I ever get a devorce I will be in no hurry to get married again.

 

[Native Alien]

Barn my friend, I have been married and divorced once. Is it worth it? That is the one question to me that the answer is no to. At least for now. We could decide different in the future.

Don't get me wrong, I have someone very near and dear to me. We are separated by distance. But will we ever marry? I would venture not in the way that most people do. We have talked about it and decided that we would be happy with just the tribal marriage. It is better that way I think for both of us.

 

[SexyChele]

I am single and have been all my life. I just turned 43 last May and have no children. Most of my married girlfriends tell me I have the world at my feet - go where I want, do what I want, don't have to answer to anyone. The perfect life.

Crap.

What does it mean, this being single for a lifetime? It means taking almost all of your vacations alone. It means going to the movies - alone. It means always having a book in the car because you may have to eat in that restaurant, alone. It means that at the company holiday party or the company picnic, you always go alone and are subject to the pitying looks of others. Weddings? An absolute torture. If you aren't relegated to the under 25 singles table, you have to put up with 3+ hours of "why did you never marry", "you never had kids", "how do you eat alone in a restaurant" conversation.

No, I don't have anyone at home asking me when I'll be back, that's true. But when I come home from work, the house is empty and it's gonna stay that way. Whoopee. If I die on the highway on the way home from work, who knows how long it will take before some one knows I'm missing.

Yes, I do have friends and I do have family. But, the older you get, the less time your friends have for spending time with a single person. Oh sure, I get invited to their homes - where I am subjected to the same lines of conversation as I do at weddings.

Oh, and when I do have an S/O in my life as I do now? Everyone acts as though a miracle has occurred. And then comes the "so are you two serious", "do you think you might get married", "when do you think you two will get married", "you know, it's kind of late in life for you to have kids - can he deal with that".

If you would have asked me this question in my 20s or early 30s, I would have said marriage is not worth it. Now? As I'm approaching middle age? Yeah, I think it is worth it. I would love to have some one to be accountable to, some one to share things with, some one to do things with. Sure, in your 20s single is easy. In your 40s and beyond? It becomes harder to meet some one, very hard. Of course, single men are always welcome. Single women never are. And, due to men dying off at a quicker rate as they age, it gets even more difficult to find a man to do things with as a woman ages.

Is marriage worth it? Yes, I think it is. But a marriage is only worth what you put into it. If it only has half your effort, then it isn't worth much.

 

[1sexylady]

Barn I can't answer your question... Why because I can't say for sure if anyone really finds their true love.....I would think it is out there but who knows for sure....I found nothing is forever. You just have to go with your mind and
heart and hope for the best...

 

[redrider4u]

I am single and have been all my life. I just turned 43 last May and have no children. Most of my married girlfriends tell me I have the world at my feet - go where I want, do what I want, don't have to answer to anyone. The perfect life.

Crap.

What does it mean, this being single for a lifetime? It means taking almost all of your vacations alone. It means going to the movies - alone. It means always having a book in the car because you may have to eat in that restaurant, alone. It means that at the company holiday party or the company picnic, you always go alone and are subject to the pitying looks of others. Weddings? An absolute torture. If you aren't relegated to the under 25 singles table, you have to put up with 3+ hours of "why did you never marry", "you never had kids", "how do you eat alone in a restaurant" conversation.

No, I don't have anyone at home asking me when I'll be back, that's true. But when I come home from work, the house is empty and it's gonna stay that way. Whoopee. If I die on the highway on the way home from work, who knows how long it will take before some one knows I'm missing.

Yes, I do have friends and I do have family. But, the older you get, the less time your friends have for spending time with a single person. Oh sure, I get invited to their homes - where I am subjected to the same lines of conversation as I do at weddings.

Oh, and when I do have an S/O in my life as I do now? Everyone acts as though a miracle has occurred. And then comes the "so are you two serious", "do you think you might get married", "when do you think you two will get married", "you know, it's kind of late in life for you to have kids - can he deal with that".

If you would have asked me this question in my 20s or early 30s, I would have said marriage is not worth it. Now? As I'm approaching middle age? Yeah, I think it is worth it. I would love to have some one to be accountable to, some one to share things with, some one to do things with. Sure, in your 20s single is easy. In your 40s and beyond? It becomes harder to meet some one, very hard. Of course, single men are always welcome. Single women never are. And, due to men dying off at a quicker rate as they age, it gets even more difficult to find a man to do things with as a woman ages.

Is marriage worth it? Yes, I think it is. But a marriage is only worth what you put into it. If it only has half your effort, then it isn't worth much.

Interesting, SC., from a different page of the book. Sometime we'll have to discuss our vantage points. Until then, enjoy life and take care.

ps. Not gonna die young here, LOL....quit the ciggies and the harley........

 

[redrider4u]

I am single and have been all my life. I just turned 43 last May and have no children. Most of my married girlfriends tell me I have the world at my feet - go where I want, do what I want, don't have to answer to anyone. The perfect life.

Crap.

What does it mean, this being single for a lifetime? It means taking almost all of your vacations alone. It means going to the movies - alone. It means always having a book in the car because you may have to eat in that restaurant, alone. It means that at the company holiday party or the company picnic, you always go alone and are subject to the pitying looks of others. Weddings? An absolute torture. If you aren't relegated to the under 25 singles table, you have to put up with 3+ hours of "why did you never marry", "you never had kids", "how do you eat alone in a restaurant" conversation.

No, I don't have anyone at home asking me when I'll be back, that's true. But when I come home from work, the house is empty and it's gonna stay that way. Whoopee. If I die on the highway on the way home from work, who knows how long it will take before some one knows I'm missing.

Yes, I do have friends and I do have family. But, the older you get, the less time your friends have for spending time with a single person. Oh sure, I get invited to their homes - where I am subjected to the same lines of conversation as I do at weddings.

Oh, and when I do have an S/O in my life as I do now? Everyone acts as though a miracle has occurred. And then comes the "so are you two serious", "do you think you might get married", "when do you think you two will get married", "you know, it's kind of late in life for you to have kids - can he deal with that".

If you would have asked me this question in my 20s or early 30s, I would have said marriage is not worth it. Now? As I'm approaching middle age? Yeah, I think it is worth it. I would love to have some one to be accountable to, some one to share things with, some one to do things with. Sure, in your 20s single is easy. In your 40s and beyond? It becomes harder to meet some one, very hard. Of course, single men are always welcome. Single women never are. And, due to men dying off at a quicker rate as they age, it gets even more difficult to find a man to do things with as a woman ages.

Is marriage worth it? Yes, I think it is. But a marriage is only worth what you put into it. If it only has half your effort, then it isn't worth much.

Ok, I sense your need for a companion. Attached is a guide for you. Yes, for the committed woman to a man:

1. I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.

2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!

4. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?

5. Honey, Inge is here for your massage.

6. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.

8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?

11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.

12. I'll be out painting the house.

13. I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had
time to play on Saturday too.

14. Honey... our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

15. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?

16. No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

17. Your mother is way better than mine is.

18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy
yourself new clubs.

19. I understand fully... our anniversary comes every year. For
Christ’s sake, you go hunting with the guys; it's a wonderful
stress reliever.

20. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a rack of
beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!

21. Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that
new strip joint!

22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you
retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.

23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the
night feedings.

24. God... if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!

25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head
for you.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Barn, I too am twice divorced. Much like oz_akasha in that when I married the first time, I was much too young. He and I outgrew one another in a space of a few years. Leaving me a bit disillusioned and a single parent.
I remarried three short years later to a man I thought I was madly in love with. Turns out it was the great sex we had before marraige and nothing else. That turned sour quickly when I found him in bed with another.
Back to singledom. I've been single for fifteen years now. Yes, I've lived with another for about 9 years, never wanting marriage with him.
As I grow older, I find myself wondering if I am destined to remain single. I don't desire any more childern ( not that I can have any), nor am I looking to be supported and have the "white picket fence"; but I do long to have a mate to wake up to each day, someone to grow young with, and someone to hold me thru the long winter's night. Marriage would be OK, or not. Its not paramount to me either way.
I think when it comes to the do or don't question; each needs to look into their heart and search for the reasons they wish to marry. Is it for the procreation aspect? Or for the knowledge that there will be someone waiting when you arrive home.(get a dog if this applies)
I agree with SC that its a bitch to come home day after day and be greeted by my cats and dog only. That eating alone is terrible. And waking up each morning by myself is not the ideal way to begin a new day. But...... to marry just so that I have someone to share my bed and dinner table with isn't my idea of a reason to marry.
Barn, only you can answer those questions that are inside of you. Please don't get the impression that I'm anti-marraige, because I'm not. I believe that marraige can be a wonderous institution when two people commit to it fully and work daily to keep it fresh and new.

Red, I'm sorry that things are going so bad for you dear. Please accept my condolences and understanding. Also know that not all of us ex-wives demand financial compensation. I am great friends with my first ex and love him to bits. The second? Don't know where he disappeared to, nor do I really care. Be well my friend and most of all...........Be happy!

-kym- Everything has its own time

 

[Native Alien]

Well I guess I am a little strange on this one. While I agree with Chele and Kym, I kinda like coming home to an empty house. I do get all the standard questions about kids and marrriage and all that stuff.

The thing that I do with those questions is to tell em in no uncertain terms that I started raising kids when I was ten and I feel that I am entitled to a little peace and quiet in my old age. Not to mention that it is actually very seldom that it is either at my place.

 

[Raindear816]

I think I married too young and for the wrong reasons.I think I have settled and am paying the price now.I am married now and have 2 kids and am scared to try to get out because of my children.I am not totally unhappy but I am not totally happy either.So is marriage worth it?Well if you find someone you feel you can not live with out for the rest of your life yes.But I wouldn't be in a hurry for it or go looking for marriage.If I ever get a devorce I will be in no hurry to get married again.

I completely agree with innocentnbama. I am on marriage #2 have 2 kids, not totally unhappy, but not totally fulfilled. I think you have to be happy in yourself first before you can offer or receive happiness from anyone else. I am workin' on that...
innocentnbama, I'm from southwest alabama. originally

 

[barn888]

I appritiate all of your opinions, this is a subject that I've thought alot about, I guess there are advantages to staying single and to being married, don't know if I'll ever take that walk but I guess none of us know what life has in store for us.

 

[Guest]

I agree with innocentnbama too.

I am on my third marriage (and I'm only 34) and now have 3 kids (from current hubby). I'm not happy but not unhappy too. If I didn't have the kids I would have been gone about 2 years ago but he is a great father and the kids deserve to have 2 parents so long as the parents aren't at each other's throats all the time. Hubby and I have found a way to co-exist and it's working for us even though we aren't completely happy. When and if I ever get divorced again, this will be it for me. It's totally acceptable to live with someone these days and that's what I'll do. If you're in love, you don't need a piece of paper. In fact, in my opinion, the piece of paper has a way of making you stop respecting one another (in some cases). When you live together there is always that fear that they will just move out. When you're married it's a lot hard to just leave. That's been my experience and I know everyone is different.

 

[redrider4u]

I appritiate all of your opinions, this is a subject that I've thought alot about, I guess there are advantages to staying single and to being married, don't know if I'll ever take that walk but I guess none of us know what life has in store for us.

Well, Barn, I find this thread very interesting and chock full of different experiences that create different opinions. I've learned quite a bit here, eyes slightly more open now. A very extensive inventory of life stories here.

LOL, I suspect you received much more than you anticipated. Certainly many of us have much to say about the subject of marriage.

Best of luck!

 

[Sioux City Male]

There are some days

that I find myself thinking 'Why did I get married?', but those are far and inbetween all the years I have been married.

My wife and I married young, 19/18 years old. Well, after 22 years of marriage, I can't really say that I miss the single life. We both have time to ourselves and our togetherness, and I find that when we are apart, I can honestly say with all my heart, I miss her. We are more than just husband and wife, we are our best friends. I will even go as far as to say that we like each other. That is sometimes hard to say when you're married.

Do we love each other? Oh yeah, maddly. Do we fight? Sure we do, but it's trivial stuff. Oh, and we both like to watch 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' Thought I would just throw that in. (LOL) Anyway back to what I was saying, It's the small things that make up our love for each other. For example, I don't have to go to work till the afternoons, and she has to be at work at 7am. I will get up with her at 5am just to eat breakfast with her because I would never know if that would be the last time I would eat with her and to tell her I loved her before she got in the car and left for work.

I believe with all my heart, that she is my true love and I believe that I am luckiest to have found her. I think there are 2 true loves for every person. There are people that never find true love and those that do find it live to tell about it. Will I ever find my second true love? It's doutful I ever would. Besides, I still got my first.

Now the question was 'Is marriage really worth it?' For me yeah it really is worth it.

 

[wildrose70]

And then dear Barn...there is your pal Rose...prbly married the longest and the oldest to get divorced...I was married for 49 years...raised kids....grandkids..and raised a husband too......as most of you have heard before...after 16 years of celibacy *not my idea* I found out I was still very desirable...and Barn I have had 6 marriage proposals...but to tell the truth..I really like my freedom...my privacy...have a good relationship with the ex and my kids...but yet still free to have a life of my own...I really wonder if people are supposed to fall in love only once in their lives.....I seem to do it often!! lol...well not really but I did have the love of my life for over 9 months....but even thou we arent together...I wouldn't trade one singe minute for anything...
Memories are very powerful things to have...when your down...you just pull one or 2 out...and smile
I guess to answer the question....I'm not really sure I would ever marry again....unless the right one came along.....

 

[carrie-on]

I have been married for 28 years and Yes,barn,I think it is worth it. Like SCM...we have had our fights,but we get over them quickly. Actually since the kids have all moved out,we fight less...go figure.
My hubby is the bestest friend I have...my lover...my confidante...playmate for our grandkids.
Besides...he doesn't mind at all that I come to Lit!! Now how can that be so bad?!

 

[candyman33]

Yes, it is worth it

Barn, I have been married almost 10 years now. It is one of the only things in life that is worth the effort in my opinion. It requires sacrifice and commitment, but you get so much more than you give if you are willing to truely share your life with someone. So many go into it trying to maintain their individuality (especially guys) and marriage truely blossoms and blesses you when you can trust enough to share the entirety of you life with your spouse. It teaches you about love, forgiveness, compassion, understanding, and the power of giving but only if you commit yourself to it.

I am finally beginning to understand the beauty and passion of being married and joy of building a life of dreams. We were built to give and flourish with intimate companionship and children only add that once you learn what the hell you are doing as a parent. Life is trial and error and taking risks. Being able to walk through all that with a partner who loves you unconditionally and shares in your joys and pains is one of the only things worth fighting for in life.

Candyman