my part in this drama

[sufisaint]

A goodbye to all here at Lit

This will be my last, or all most last post at lit...for a longtime or ever... No, I am not mad at anyone, not tired of the trolls and I have no desire to fake my death or an illness. Basically it has come time in my life to really begin to live it in the real world. I have spent way too much time and energy trying to fullfill my fantasies on the internet (OK, I admit mostly porn sites)and not enough just in daily living..I have nothing against naked bodies and erotica, in fact its way to addicting and I know I must stop. It has always been my not so secret goal to find love, along with loving sex, but this is clearly not the way to do it...The way is to put myself out there in the real world and take chances of getting hurt. I just know that just typing and looking does not do it for me anymore and my addiction is just from the fear of the real world...not the pleasure of true passion. I must say I have enjoyed most everyone whom I have chatted with and wish you all well. Here is my parting poem, I posted earlier....

This is my story of where a broken heart can lead...Hope you enjoy it...or at least ponder it.

I wanted your acceptance…
So I could accept myself.
I wanted your love…
So I could love myself.
I wanted to be One…
So I wouldn’t be alone.
All the wrong reasons made it feel
Almost right.
But that little surface crack
That my mind just refused to see
Hid the empty cavern of all my reasons.
And once the weight of the world
Was inevitable applied,
It all imploded.
Once again, I was left broken
Exposed.
Alone.
While an indifferent world
Just carried on.
It took all my strength
To expose each self lie
All the pain and suffering
Of every wound, every false compliment
I ever accepted
Finally came to the surface
Like deep splinters finally do.
I embraced them...felt them again.
And let them go.
I was seemingly empty
But for the small door
Deep within my self.
I entered it
Because there was nowhere else for me to go.
But inside of me...I finally found
God’s love…God’s acceptance.
For I am not only God’s creation
But also a part of God’s awareness
A single wave of light and sound
Coming from the endless sun
The original cry
Of joy and pain
That creates all the world of opposites.
My life is not my own anymore
But is a part
Of this amazing dance
I have surrendered too…in love.



Sufisaint

 

[Cytra]

It's beautiful... and sounds about right.

You are never truly alone.

Cytra

 

[sufisaint]

Bumping my good bye..

 

[Carp]

Do what you have to do, but I don't think that being active on Lit, or at least showing up now and again, is at odds with having a "real life".

Hope you find what you seek. Best of luck.

 

[sufisaint]

Its not a get a "real life" kind of comment...more of a need to deal with reality more comment...If you know what I mean..

 

[Carp]

I absolutly do know what you mean, and I didn't mean my comment as "get a life", but rather that you can incorporate Lit (or about any other activity) into a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. That said- you have to do whats good for you.

 

[someplace]

Your friends truly understand and want only good things for you. Please let us hear from you and know how you're doing.

As you embrace your destiny, please remember to find time to have fun in there too!

 

[Guest]

 

[peachykeen]

Bye, sufi. It's been nice having you around. Peace bro, good luck to you.

 

[patient1]

I see.
In my case, LIT led to a better reality, But when you think you're here too much, you're right.

Good luck on your journey.

 

[BgMma]

 

[Guest]

You do realise Rambrat was in on it

 

[His_kitty]

I wish you well on your journey, and hope that you find all that you deserve.

 

[sortacurious]

I'm sorry to see this, but I wish you the best in life and love.

 

[glamorilla]

i understand. i'm hiding here too.

hope you find what need sufi *and* to see you pop in from time to time to post a poem.

good luck.

 

[sufisaint]

Thanks everyone...I really do think there are some great people here... and some with anger or other issues...but they do not out shine those who are truly are sincere or funny...

 

[Cheyenne]

Hey, how will I find you for dinner the next time I get to PA and near your mountain?

I hope you find what you're looking for, without losing touch with all of us completely. Suggestion- try an hour glass. When the sand runs out, so does your time online at Lit for the day.

 

[Nicki19]

Goodbye sufi... good luck!!

 

[bad kitty]

I know I am late and I have already missed you, but I want to wish you the best sufi. You are a wonderful and charming man. Any woman would be lucky to have you. I hope you find what you are looking for darlin.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Love

... but this is clearly not the way to do it...

Agreed.

Good luck to you, sufisaint.