freakygirl
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2001
- Posts
- 27,432
Everyone knows about my Ex boyfriend "D".. right? ok maybe not.. so I'll give a little history.
D and I met and got together during a rough point in both of our lives. I was newly divorced and he was newly sober. It started as fuck friends.. my heart got attached and I knew I wanted to be with no one but him. I don't think he felt the same way.. but I pushed on anyway.
A few months after getting together, and a just a few short months into his sobriety, I found out I was pregnant. Yes, I was using birth control but they didn't work.
I went through the pregnancy basicly alone (atleast that is how I felt). He wasn't even there the day she was born. He had to work, yes, he needed the money, but I needed him there for me and the daughter I was giving birth to. I had a c section...My mom went into the operating room with me. He did show up a little later, and crawled into bed with me and our daughter. It was an amazing feeling.. one of the happiest I had been in the year we were together.
this was in August of 96..
Eventually we moved from the place we were living in with some friends into our own little apartment. I thought then that I should get out, I didn't feel he wanted to be there. He wasn't affectionate towards me but I thought about my daughter and stayed.
In June of 96 my world came crashing down on me.. my brother was killed and shortly there after my father died. D was there for me, I messed up and took my aggressions out by drinking. That wasn't fair to him, but he never once lectured me. He gave me the space I needed and the time to sober up. But he was still there for me.
In July of 96 his step brother moved home. He showed me the attention I craved.. I had my mom pushing me from one side.. telling me to get rid of D.. (my mom and her obsession over me is a whole other story).
I have no excuses but I asked D to leave and I got involved almost immediatly with A. We have been together since then. Over 5 years.
Ok with the "story" out.. i will go into the hell I am living now.
I'm still in love (always have been) with D.. yes, I love A but not the same way I do D. We have seen each other on occasion at holiday get togethers (i'm still apart of his family).. I drop my daughter off to him on the weekends, he brings her home. He has come to a few of her school things (remember my last bitch about him? part of it stems from the feelings we have for each other). These things are hard for both of us. I knew he had feelings for me.. and i'm sure he knew I did for him also.
We both love to play cribbage online.. we met up again on Yahoo and started playing.. a little innocent flirting led to a really long discussion via emails and yahoo messenger.
He is in a relationship and has a child with her..
We have talked about getting together to have some fun... this is not my style but I have thought seriously about it. I know I will never have D in my life again except for what it is now. I know doing anything would ruin the relationship I have with A. I can't cheat. I couldn't do it to D (not that I hadn't had the chance).. I can't do it to A (not that I haven't had the chance). My ex husband cheated on me, i know the pain it causes. That is why I jumped to "dump" D so I could be with A.. I couldn't cheat but I wanted the newness of the other relationship.
I told D that I couldn't do it, he understands.. I honestly don't think he could do it either.. maybe he could. He says I'm the only one he has actually thought about doing it with. He tells me now that I'm an "erotic elixor".. the only one that could make him cheat on K.. He says he loved me but didn't show it. Part of our break up was his fault.
There is so much to this.. so much I haven't said.. I don't even know why I'm posting. I know the answer to all of this.. but it's damn hard..
I'm rambling.. I do that when I'm upset..
How stupid can I be?
D and I met and got together during a rough point in both of our lives. I was newly divorced and he was newly sober. It started as fuck friends.. my heart got attached and I knew I wanted to be with no one but him. I don't think he felt the same way.. but I pushed on anyway.
A few months after getting together, and a just a few short months into his sobriety, I found out I was pregnant. Yes, I was using birth control but they didn't work.
I went through the pregnancy basicly alone (atleast that is how I felt). He wasn't even there the day she was born. He had to work, yes, he needed the money, but I needed him there for me and the daughter I was giving birth to. I had a c section...My mom went into the operating room with me. He did show up a little later, and crawled into bed with me and our daughter. It was an amazing feeling.. one of the happiest I had been in the year we were together.
this was in August of 96..
Eventually we moved from the place we were living in with some friends into our own little apartment. I thought then that I should get out, I didn't feel he wanted to be there. He wasn't affectionate towards me but I thought about my daughter and stayed.
In June of 96 my world came crashing down on me.. my brother was killed and shortly there after my father died. D was there for me, I messed up and took my aggressions out by drinking. That wasn't fair to him, but he never once lectured me. He gave me the space I needed and the time to sober up. But he was still there for me.
In July of 96 his step brother moved home. He showed me the attention I craved.. I had my mom pushing me from one side.. telling me to get rid of D.. (my mom and her obsession over me is a whole other story).
I have no excuses but I asked D to leave and I got involved almost immediatly with A. We have been together since then. Over 5 years.
Ok with the "story" out.. i will go into the hell I am living now.
I'm still in love (always have been) with D.. yes, I love A but not the same way I do D. We have seen each other on occasion at holiday get togethers (i'm still apart of his family).. I drop my daughter off to him on the weekends, he brings her home. He has come to a few of her school things (remember my last bitch about him? part of it stems from the feelings we have for each other). These things are hard for both of us. I knew he had feelings for me.. and i'm sure he knew I did for him also.
We both love to play cribbage online.. we met up again on Yahoo and started playing.. a little innocent flirting led to a really long discussion via emails and yahoo messenger.
He is in a relationship and has a child with her..
We have talked about getting together to have some fun... this is not my style but I have thought seriously about it. I know I will never have D in my life again except for what it is now. I know doing anything would ruin the relationship I have with A. I can't cheat. I couldn't do it to D (not that I hadn't had the chance).. I can't do it to A (not that I haven't had the chance). My ex husband cheated on me, i know the pain it causes. That is why I jumped to "dump" D so I could be with A.. I couldn't cheat but I wanted the newness of the other relationship.
I told D that I couldn't do it, he understands.. I honestly don't think he could do it either.. maybe he could. He says I'm the only one he has actually thought about doing it with. He tells me now that I'm an "erotic elixor".. the only one that could make him cheat on K.. He says he loved me but didn't show it. Part of our break up was his fault.
There is so much to this.. so much I haven't said.. I don't even know why I'm posting. I know the answer to all of this.. but it's damn hard..
I'm rambling.. I do that when I'm upset..
How stupid can I be?
