My new story

[dejectedgeek]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=161521

This is my latest submission, and I feel it's the best I've written, even though that may be a little overly confident of me to say. I'd appreciate the feedback because I really like to write, but sometimes I need the kick in the ass in order to stay grounded.

Hope you enjoy reading it.

 

[MarkedMan]

You have an engaging style, but I only got as far as the revelation of the girl being an angel. At that point I knew I wouldn't be able to get into the rest of the story.

Based on what I did read:

You have a conversational, easygoing tone that's comfortable to read. However, I would advise that you either shorten the narrative introduction, or expose your protaganist through his actions and dialogue instead. It's tempting to start a first person story with an introduction from the main character, but try to avoid it. Get them moving as soon as you can, and let us find out who they are.

A good effort, though. Keep writing.