My new story

[spyro1123]

Well i have a new story up and would love to have some feedback. It is in the romance catagory although it isnt too mushy. Thanks .

Spyro
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=150657

 

[Tanuki]

The page seems to have a problem - the story just stops, and there is no feedback or vote section.

It's not bad so far - no sex, but I didn't mind, because it has likeable, believable characters. Some of the expressions you use I found weird, like "whore on nickle day", and the random Indian phrase. Try to get the page fixed so we can finish it.

 

[Rainbow Skin]

The first page was broken-off when I looked at it yesterday too, but it's fixed now and you can get to page 3 and voting.

This is very good: the interactions between the people seemed quite natural. I think their dialogue is a little stilted at times; partly because you spell out "I'm" as "I am" and so on, but as well as that parts of it didn't sound so completely natural as most of it.

 

[spyro1123]

Thanks for the feedback

I am a little afraid that the quirks in the charictars speaking reflect odd quirks in my speaking. Anyway thank you for your feedback, i do appriciate it.