My little confession

[jgordon]

My gf and I separated recently, it was a very serious relationship I thought we'd to together forever, i'm kind of depressed about it. Anyways since then I've been having these weird fantasies about men. Don't get me wrong, I'm still attracted to women. Lesbians have always been my biggest fetish. Since we've broke up I've looked around for other girls dating sites/myspace/half-heartedly flirting with the clerk at the video store, but the truth is I was doing it out of spite and I don't really want a girlfriend right now I want freedom and personal space. That's about when I started daydreaming about men. The first time it happened was while I was masturbating I was thinking about these two Asian chicks in the porno I was watching and them my thoughts drifted to me and another guy. I didn't think anything of it, after all I've always been a bit bi-curious, and just kept jerking off till I came. The next day when I was jerking off I couldn't really get hard until I started thinking about sucking cock, again I didn't think much of it but that image stuck in my head for a long time (in fact I'm thinking about it right now). Another one that turns me on a lot is the thought of a guy crossdressing and me reaching up his skirt and grabbing his package in his cotton underwear. I still think about girls too but not as much. Or a strong athletic type (shaved from the neck down) and me caress his pecks and him forcefully kissing me then turning me over and sodomizing me. Then when I was driving in the car today for some reason I started daydreaming about being a male escort and going into bars and seducing customers (almost all male) in to paying me to have sex with them and how I'd have to change my tactics depending on what the other guy wanted. For some I'd be give them hand jobs, or suck their balls. Others i'd be extra girly and bend over the bed wiggle my ass and flutter my eyelashes, then they'd come and take me hard, while I moaned more then I would have if they weren't paying. And it got me hard, really really hard! At one point I even reached over and bobbed my hand up in down in the air like I was giving the person in the passenger's seat a handjob. I don't think I'm gay. I mean there a LOT fewer men I think are fuckable then women. I'm not sure what's going on. I wish I lived somewhere it was easier to experiment, and where my friends/family wouldn't treat me like a hideous freak if they ever found out.

 

[HeavenCanWait]

it sounds like you really do need to experiment a little. Where do you live? Maybe you could find a website or bar that's local r caters for your needs.

Best of luck dude.

 

[trojan_man_co]

My gf and I separated recently, it was a very serious relationship I thought we'd to together forever, i'm kind of depressed about it. Anyways since then I've been having these weird fantasies about men. Don't get me wrong, I'm still attracted to women. Lesbians have always been my biggest fetish. Since we've broke up I've looked around for other girls dating sites/myspace/half-heartedly flirting with the clerk at the video store, but the truth is I was doing it out of spite and I don't really want a girlfriend right now I want freedom and personal space. That's about when I started daydreaming about men. The first time it happened was while I was masturbating I was thinking about these two Asian chicks in the porno I was watching and them my thoughts drifted to me and another guy. I didn't think anything of it, after all I've always been a bit bi-curious, and just kept jerking off till I came. The next day when I was jerking off I couldn't really get hard until I started thinking about sucking cock, again I didn't think much of it but that image stuck in my head for a long time (in fact I'm thinking about it right now). Another one that turns me on a lot is the thought of a guy crossdressing and me reaching up his skirt and grabbing his package in his cotton underwear. I still think about girls too but not as much. Or a strong athletic type (shaved from the neck down) and me caress his pecks and him forcefully kissing me then turning me over and sodomizing me. Then when I was driving in the car today for some reason I started daydreaming about being a male escort and going into bars and seducing customers (almost all male) in to paying me to have sex with them and how I'd have to change my tactics depending on what the other guy wanted. For some I'd be give them hand jobs, or suck their balls. Others i'd be extra girly and bend over the bed wiggle my ass and flutter my eyelashes, then they'd come and take me hard, while I moaned more then I would have if they weren't paying. And it got me hard, really really hard! At one point I even reached over and bobbed my hand up in down in the air like I was giving the person in the passenger's seat a handjob. I don't think I'm gay. I mean there a LOT fewer men I think are fuckable then women. I'm not sure what's going on. I wish I lived somewhere it was easier to experiment, and where my friends/family wouldn't treat me like a hideous freak if they ever found out.

i think part of the problem is the fact you just got out of a long and serious relationship with a woman you deeply cared about. right now no other woman would fill her shoes or measure up in your mind. but that doesn’t mean your sexual urges have gone away. instead of thinking about her and missing her and becoming sad and depressed about it, you have turned to the only other outlet for sexual release that your mind will allow you, men. in no way is this a bad thing. you said yourself you have always been bi curious, this can be your time to explore your self more, and help you figure out what it is you truly want. all im saying is don’t give up on the idea of women all together. i know its easy to when every time you think of girls its almost painful due to your recent break up, but in time you will find the perfect someone male or female who makes you happy again. i wish you the best of luck and if you need/want to talk drop me a message.

 

[jgordon]

i think part of the problem is the fact you just got out of a long and serious relationship with a woman you deeply cared about. right now no other woman would fill her shoes or measure up in your mind. but that doesn’t mean your sexual urges have gone away. instead of thinking about her and missing her and becoming sad and depressed about it, you have turned to the only other outlet for sexual release that your mind will allow you, men. in no way is this a bad thing. you said yourself you have always been bi curious, this can be your time to explore your self more, and help you figure out what it is you truly want. all im saying is don’t give up on the idea of women all together. i know its easy to when every time you think of girls its almost painful due to your recent break up, but in time you will find the perfect someone male or female who makes you happy again. i wish you the best of luck and if you need/want to talk drop me a message.

Your probably right. I guess I just have a lot of pain to work through. Every time I even think about hitting on a girl I feel guilty. I know I'm single now and shouldn't but I do. It's weird. Mandy was the best thing that ever happened to me and then she turned into this controlling bitch who made our live together miserable and even now I miss her and part of me wants her back so badly.


I'm getting depressed just writing this shit down. Anyways thanks for your comments, both of you. Maybe the next time I'm horny I should find a gay chat room and let my fingers do some talking.

 

[HeavenCanWait]

Your probably right. I guess I just have a lot of pain to work through. Every time I even think about hitting on a girl I feel guilty. I know I'm single now and shouldn't but I do. It's weird. Mandy was the best thing that ever happened to me and then she turned into this controlling bitch who made our live together miserable and even now I miss her and part of me wants her back so badly.

wow, replace 'mandy' with 'liz' and i could have written that! Just keep thinking that she actually wasn't the best thing that ever happened to you, that she bacame a controlling bitch. The old mandy is gone, you dont want the bitch mandy back.

 

[Programmer Cat]

Your probably right. I guess I just have a lot of pain to work through.

Get drunk and listen to Queensryche. It helped get me through my last breakup.

 

[Ronnie_4]

Bi-curious ?

Hi,
It sounds like your bi-curious or deeply interested exploring your feminine side. There are things you can do in private that might help to quench your curiosity. When you masturbate do you lick your fingers and taste your precum? Have you tried licking up your cum, do you like the taste? You could buy a soft dildo and suck it while you masturbate. You could experiment with butt plugs and vibrators for your ass. You could shave your pubic area and your legs. And experiment with panties, nylons and other kinds of lingerie. You could do some or all of these things privately. Maybe they will satisfy you and answer some questions too.
Good Luck,
Ronnie

 

[jgordon]

Hi,
It sounds like your bi-curious or deeply interested exploring your feminine side. There are things you can do in private that might help to quench your curiosity. When you masturbate do you lick your fingers and taste your precum? Have you tried licking up your cum, do you like the taste? You could buy a soft dildo and suck it while you masturbate. You could experiment with butt plugs and vibrators for your ass. You could shave your pubic area and your legs. And experiment with panties, nylons and other kinds of lingerie. You could do some or all of these things privately. Maybe they will satisfy you and answer some questions too.
Good Luck,
Ronnie

I've tried most of these things at some point but none recently. Think I'll get a big dildo to practice on. That sounds like fun!!!

 

[bi_asian_guy]

*****

 

[cumhungry]

perhaps the female view is ill-timed, but i think what you are going thru is perfectly natural. we've all been conditioned to some degree towards "straight" match ups, not allowing ourselves to really explore anything else, due to stigma or labeling. so far what have you really done, except find new ways to stimulate and pleasure yourself. what could possibly be wrong with that?

my bf and i have been kinda working thru some of that stuff as well.....he can self suck/fuck, and would always kinda wig out about that cock in the mouth or ass thing. cuz he LIKED it. thus we've progressed to fisting, rimming (MY favorite!) and strap ons, oh my. he'd ask countless times if this meant he was gay........i said who cares baby, you like it don't ya?

where it got a bit tricky for me was dropping my own walls about other women......as in ME doing something with another woman.....it started with us talking about bringing some woman home and both having our way with her.......and me realizing that somewhere inside of me i really liked that idea. i've yet to do anything about it, except in my head........but just yesterday i was talking to my best female friend and telling her how much i value our friendship cuz i just don't DO women.....meaning friendship wise and she kinda laughed, pointed to this picture of this really beautiful full breasted woman and said, you mean you wouldn't do her???? and i replied, almost too quickly and eagerly, HELL YES.

just remember there's a world of difference between what we think about, and fantasize about, and actually do. or perhaps only a hairsbreadth. just go with it. what the hell. let's shed that old crap about right and wrong and explore what pleases us with freedom.........kinda liberating ain't it?

 

[jgordon]

When I broke up with a girlfriend shortly after college, I too was heartbroken, but it wasn't long before I saw my involuntary "singlehood" as an opportunity to further explore fairly strong and consistent bisexual urges I'd had for quite some time. I bought some toys, gay videos, gay magazines, I chatted online, and I met a guy for some pretty hot sex.

Yes, you may be just reacting to your breakup, but I don't think "totally" straight guys think much about the kinds of things you clearly enjoy thinking about. (In fact, your fantasies sound pretty hot to me! Hot enough that I'd love to join in with you. ;-) )

Just take it as it goes - since you're enjoying these fantasies, I would encourage you to explore them further online, in chats or (for example) on this site. At least try to enjoy yourself instead of letting your sadness overshadow everything all the time! Later, after you've had some time to explore, you can decide what it is you'd like to have long term. For now, just have fun with it.

I'm not sure if that's you in your avatar or not, but damn that is one sexy ass. *hard on*

BTW, I read your story, very hot. Shaved men are the best and there were lots of little touches that really turned me on. Keep up the good work.

 

[spraybomb13]

Get drunk and listen to Queensryche. It helped get me through my last breakup.

queensryche rules!!!