My Kinky Incest Story

[Silver_Star]

Hello all! I'm fairly new to this site yet have already met alot of great people and read some great stories. Thought I'd post my first one here for review.


Please vote, and I can handle criticism. ~Constructive~ criticism! Just remember it's not classic literature.

Warning: Hardcore incest ahead. . .


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=46972


P. S. The whole story is a work of fiction!

 

[jon.hayworth]

Silver_Star,

It was technically OK - no spelling mistakes, no terrible grammar!

Except one phrase jarred "I was in lust ..."

try - "I was lusting ..."

As a story it was OK in the Jack/Jill Off genre.

But you missed out on that element of an incest story I regard as being essential - at no time did I get the will they or won't they feeling. The narrative ran on rails to its predictable conclusion.

jon

 

[ladyphoenix]

Comfort Fucking

Silver,
I liked the story overall, I think probably your strongest suit is your natural pacing and the smoothness of the read. However, I have a few issues.
Having two incest stories on the site myself ( http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id19268 ) I have no problem with the whole topic as a fantasy. However, in a true incest story, the characters of daddy/daughter (or mother/son, etc.) should be so well intertwined emotionally that you CANNOT replace them with just any unrelated male/female characters.
I find myself thinking that in this story, the two daughters and their father have no real emotional relationship at all and he could have just as easily been replaced by the hired hand or any other non-related male. So, this is an incest story that uses the general relationship between the girls and the father just as another 'shock' element, and because of that, it isnt' as powerful as it could have been.
Also, while I almost hate to say this (because in my "Daddy Fantasy" I use a few "ain't"s and the Father is definitely a working man) your family is too much the redneck cliche. In the first few paragraphs the mother says, "You told me ya had a job in the city! A high payin' one, too! Now yer tellin' me ya lost it?"
I read that and almost stopped reading, thinking to myself that this was about some (too painfully cliched) redneck southern family living on a farm somewhere and full of inbred children and idiots named Bubba. I kept reading, of course, because you asked for feedback, and imagine how I felt when a few paragraphs later, we find out the Father had screwed his own mother, and then discover we have a hired hand named Bubba. I mean, come on. Let's not perpetuate the stereotype, please?
Okay, so I sound awfully negative; let's get to the positives. I was absolutely into the personalities of the two sisters, and how you fleshed them out so quickly and so well. And then, you managed to surprise me by showing me just how devious sister number two was ("Apparently the braids and little girl dresses were just a disguise". I loved that!).
From the point at which Sophie sees her father and Trix, I stopped reading like an editor and started enjoying like a reader. The sex was smooth, and well written and very arousing. Trixie "gasping" and "leaping" from daddy's lap might have been better served with her coyly rubbing her bottom against him and making the observation that he was hard, but other than that, the sex was nearly flawless.
Your ending was a bit abrupt. The last paragraph sounded very documentary-like. I think I would have ended it with Sophie's evil grin and some hint at what she would do to get what she wanted, without the specifics. We all got it.
Overall, a good story. Thanks!

 

[SlickTony]

I admit to a guilty pleasure in incest stories, probably because no hint of that ever actually took place in my family. If it did I probably would look at it totally differently! Nevertheless I understand the daughter&daddy vs. mom dynamic pretty well even though, as I have said, it never got expressed in this manner. Pretty good story, although I am bound to point out that in just one teensy place your tense came unstuck, i.e. you switched suddenly to present when you had been using past, in a place where you didn't intend. This is a common thing amongst erotica writers and probably a result of getting hotly involved in what you're writing about! Oh, well, no use writing stuff like this if it doesn't work...