Hello everyone. I would like some advice please. I have always had thoughts of being dominated. I have shared these feelings with my husband. We have done the tying up thing before, but he does the same things that he does without restraints. I guess I want him to be more forceful. Anyway a couple of nights ago he started off a little more forceful but quickly got himself back under control and was very gentle. Later on I asked him why he pulled back and he said he was afraid of hurting me. So after talking some more, last night he was very rough and pulled my hair and bit my neck and breasts. I loved it. But now I am not sure how to encourage him to go even further when I really don't know how much further I want him to go. The only thing I know is that I ache for him to spank and control me. Other than that I am not sure.
my journey
- Thread starter psycho44
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FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2005
- Posts
- 29,460
More talk with your husband is needed. He is struggling, as mine has, with a realignment of his thinking. This is also when it's good to talk about pain sometimes being sensation as your body interprets it, if indeed that is the case.
You might both benefit from a safe word so you both know you have an "out" if you need it.
He just may not be dominant. If that's the case giving him "tasks" to do and then lots of positive feedback might help you get what you need and desire.
If he is dominant but hung up about losing control or hurting you, then it will take time, communication, tolerance and patience. Actually, it will take all of that regardless.
You might also ask him what secret bedroom desires he has and try to give back to him. It's only fair to do so in my opinion.
A checklist might help so you can find out what you both have in common and what you do not.
Sometimes it will seem like you are making progress and sometimes it will seem like it's taking too long to get where you want to go, that is normal, don't rush it.
Good luck on your continued journey,
Fury
You might both benefit from a safe word so you both know you have an "out" if you need it.
He just may not be dominant. If that's the case giving him "tasks" to do and then lots of positive feedback might help you get what you need and desire.
If he is dominant but hung up about losing control or hurting you, then it will take time, communication, tolerance and patience. Actually, it will take all of that regardless.
You might also ask him what secret bedroom desires he has and try to give back to him. It's only fair to do so in my opinion.
A checklist might help so you can find out what you both have in common and what you do not.
Sometimes it will seem like you are making progress and sometimes it will seem like it's taking too long to get where you want to go, that is normal, don't rush it.
Good luck on your continued journey,
Fury
alice_underneath
with malice toward none
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2005
- Posts
- 1,071
psycho44 said:
Hi, psycho44.
First, congratulations on having the courage to discuss this with your husband. I am impressed!
My suggestion is that you read this story:
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=181914&page=1
The Dom in the story is clearly good at both spanking and control! But he is also obviously kind, considerate, and a decent human being - an extremely likeable guy.
If you find the Dom appealing, and the story... ummm... stimulating, perhaps you should ask your husband to read it.
It might help him deal with some of his conflicting feelings about giving you what you need.
Good luck,
Alice
