My Joke for Today

Isolde

Guardian's Desire
Joined
Dec 27, 2000
Posts
4,432
Cleaning Out The Attic
======================

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender
comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says
"That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out
exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have
a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches
into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?"
asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll
have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich.

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change
out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How
do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every
time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found
an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My
first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I
just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million
dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as
you live!

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money
is always there," says the man.

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."
_______________________________________________________________________
 
:D That was a good one Isolde!!!!!

Continue with this oldie but goodie!!!


In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting
room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news, he said as he
surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for
your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you
will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family
members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a
great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much
does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded,
"$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a femal brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not
to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but
some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his
curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to
ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor
smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire
group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We
have to mark down the price of the female brains,
because they've actually been used."
 
*comes up and licks LL behind the ear*

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Birthdays are good for you: the more you have, the longer you live.
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
I have noticed that the people who are late are often much jollier than the
people who have to wait for them.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet.
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the
world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors ...but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
 
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