My jar is empty...

[SexyWench]

This elderly man was at home, dying in bed.
He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking.

He wanted one last cookie before he died.

He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.

With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.

As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie-his favorite kind-his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

"Why?" he whispered. "Why'd you do that?"

"They're for the funeral," she replied.

 

[Raindear816]

This elderly man was at home, dying in bed.
He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking.

He wanted one last cookie before he died.

He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.

With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.

As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie-his favorite kind-his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

"Why?" he whispered. "Why'd you do that?"

"They're for the funeral," she replied.

Laffing! good one SexyWench

cookie, have a great weekend.

 

[biggbear8]

I'll see you one and raise you three lol

How do you get six monsters in a cookie tin?
Take the cookies out first.

Why do stupid people eat cookies?
Because they're crackers.

What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie?
You can't dip a vampire in your tea.

 

[biggbear8]

Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mother had been a wafer too long.

Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety?
Crumbs!

What did the cookies say to the almonds?
You're nuts and we're crackers!


Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin?
No more, mom. It's empty.

Boy: What's black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks?
Mom: Eat the cookies and don't worry about what's in the tin

 

[biggbear8]

One day a girl was walking home from school.
And every day she would pass the boy fort on her
way home. One day when she passed one of
the boys said "Hey I'll give you
a cookie if you climb up the telephone
pole." The little girl says
yes and climbs up the telephone pole.

The girl arrives home and says
"Mommy! Mommy! Guess what. I got a cookie
for climbing up a telepone pole."
"They just want to look at your underware you
know." says the mother.

The next day the girl comes across
them agin. One of the boys said
"Hey I'll give you 3 cookies
if you climb up the telephone pole."
The little girl says yes and climbs
up the telephone pole.

The girl arrives home and says "Mommy!
Mommy! Guess what. I got a 3
cookies this time for climbing
up the telepone pole." "They just want
to look at your underware
you know." says the mother.

The next day the girl comes
across them agin. One of the boys said
"Hey I'll give you a half of
a pack of cookies if you climb up the
telephone pole." The little girl
says yes and climbs up the telephone pole.

The girl arrives home and says "Mommy!
Mommy! Guess what. I got a half
of a pack of cookies this time for
climbing up the telepone pole."
"They just want to look at your
underware you know." says the mother.
"And next time you do climb up
the telephone pole your grounded."

The next day which was the last day
of school the girl comes across
them agin. One of the boys said
"Hey I'll give you a whole pack of cookies
if you climb up the telephone pole and
stay up there for five minutes." The
little girl says yes and climbs up the
telephone pole.

The girl arrives home and says "Mommy!
Mommy! Guess what. I got a whole
pack of cookies this time for climbing
up the telepone pole." "They just
want to look at your underware you
know." says the mother. "And I stay
on my word your grounded."

The little girl replies "well mommy you
dont have to ground me."

"Why" replies
the mother.

The little girl giggles and replies
"because this whole time I was'nt wearing any underware.

 

[biggbear8]

Kooky Chew
Human Dog Food

Kooky Chew comes in its very own little dog bowl. Inside is 2 1/2 ounces of crunchy cookie kibbles and bits, just like Rover eats. As a bonus, you also get a candy bone.

Put your Kooky Chew next to Rover's dish and the two of you can chow down together. And who knows? Before long, you may be chasing cars and drinking out of the toilet!
http://www.stupid.com/Merchant2/graphics/products/chew2.jpg

 

[biggbear8]

Fortune Cookie
http://www.funny-city.com/photos/images/83.jpg

 

[biggbear8]

Christmas Cookie Dough

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.
''Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.''
"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma, I went poo and there was bb's in it.''
"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.
''Grandma something terrible has happenend, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''

 

[~Dream~]

LMAO@ Bear's joke.....hehhehehhe


Hope everyone is having a wonderful day today ..I am really enjoying the sunshine we have here today ..

 

[done_got_old]

ROFLMAO at bigbear

 

[biggbear8]

ROFLMAO at bigbear

thanks DGO how are you doing hon hope that you had a great day and hoping you have a good weekend. Im glad you liked the jokes they are stupid which makes them even funnier lol

{{{{{{{{{{ DGO}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[biggbear8]

LMAO@ Bear's joke.....hehhehehhe


Hope everyone is having a wonderful day today ..I am really enjoying the sunshine we have here today ..

thanks dream I hope that you had a wonderful day and hope you have a good weekend

{{{{{{{{{ Dream }}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[CharlotteNCguy]

http://www.the-monkey.net/things/bakermonkey/chocolate_chip_cookies/pile_of_cooling_cookies.jpg

 

[biggbear8]

Cookie Mommas Stand 8" Tall
Choice of Sugar or Gingerbread

http://members.aol.com/cookiemommas/images/twohoochy.jpg hoochymommas


sugar baby
http://members.aol.com/cookiemommas/images/sugarbab.jpg

fuzzy bear
http://members.aol.com/cookiemommas/images/brownbest.jpg


Painted Sugar or Gingerbread Cookies mom

http://members.aol.com/cookiemommas/images/sugarmom.jpg

 

[biggbear8]

The Tapeworm

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. "Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?" asked the man. "Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie," said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."

So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants, and bend over," says the doctor. "What?" says the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!" screams the man. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.

About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor." So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "This again?" yells the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.

So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!" says the man. "Hold still now and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with another hard boiled egg and another lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the man starts to shake his head the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor." So, this goes on all week until one day, after the man pulls up his pants, the doctor says, "Now come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a hammer." As the man turns pale the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."

The man gets no sleep that night worried to death about what the hammer is going to feel like when it gets shoved up in him. He almost stays home, but he still feels sick. So far the treatments haven't helped and he's afraid he'll have to start over if he goes to a new doctor. The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the hammer. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "But, why do we need a hammer?" asks the man nervously. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.

The man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Please!" says the man, terrified of what is to come next. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, the man is about to pass out from terror and he is involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can. Then nothing happens. Several more minutes pass and he starts to relax. The man is about to straighten up and ask the doctor what happened when the tapeworm sticks its head out his rear and yells, "Where's my lemon cookie?!" And WHAM! Down comes the hammer.

 

[veryblueeyes]

Hello Cookie!! I did not know you had your own thread. Dropping by to wish you well.

 

[biggbear8]

Hello Cookie!! I did not know you had your own thread. Dropping by to wish you well.

Hi VBE she also has the lighthouse thread its a very nice thread to visit and relax.


Broken Cookie pieces contain no fat - the process of breaking the cookie causes the fat to breakdown before it is actually eaten.
Exception: Cookies sold by Texas D" Lites distributors.

 

[biggbear8]

Urban Folklore are tales that have been told throughout the world--they usually happened to "a friend of a friend's cousin". Are these stories true? Here is one...you decide.



An elderly woman, traveling by bus, had a layover during her journey. She purchased a package of Oreo cookies from a vending machine in the bus terminal and located a table. She placed her cookies on the table, sat down, and proceeded to read her newspaper.

She was joined by an odd-looking young man with a red mohawk haircut, who, to her surprise, opened the package of Oreo cookies and began to eat them.



The woman, saying nothing, but giving him an icy stare, grabbed a cookie. The young man, with a funny look on his face, ate another cookie. The woman again glared and grabbed another cookie. The young man finished the third cookie and offered the last to the woman.

Completely appalled, she grabbed the cookie and the young man left. Outraged, the woman threw down her paper only to find her unopened Oreos on the table in front of her.


"It could have happened, so it must be true!"

 

[Arden]

Leaving a bag of Keebler Sandies "Strawberry Cheesecake" cookies... Try one, they're great!

http://www.keebler.com/family/cookies/images/p2_sandies_fruit.gif

 

[biggbear8]

Leaving a bag of Keebler Sandies "Strawberry Cheesecake" cookies... Try one, they're great!

http://www.keebler.com/family/cookies/images/p2_sandies_fruit.gif

hi arden you beautiful lady and yes those are sooooooooooo good

 

[cookiejar]

Leaving a bag of Keebler Sandies "Strawberry Cheesecake" cookies... Try one, they're great!

http://www.keebler.com/family/cookies/images/p2_sandies_fruit.gif

Thanks Arden...these are great too.

http://www.nabiscoworld.com/images/newtons/dessert2_fsi.jpg

 

[done_got_old]

The Tapeworm

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. "Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?" asked the man. "Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie," said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."

So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants, and bend over," says the doctor. "What?" says the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!" screams the man. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.

About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor." So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "This again?" yells the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.

So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!" says the man. "Hold still now and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with another hard boiled egg and another lemon cookie," says the doctor. As the man starts to shake his head the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor." So, this goes on all week until one day, after the man pulls up his pants, the doctor says, "Now come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a hammer." As the man turns pale the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."

The man gets no sleep that night worried to death about what the hammer is going to feel like when it gets shoved up in him. He almost stays home, but he still feels sick. So far the treatments haven't helped and he's afraid he'll have to start over if he goes to a new doctor. The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the hammer. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "But, why do we need a hammer?" asks the man nervously. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.

The man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Please!" says the man, terrified of what is to come next. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, the man is about to pass out from terror and he is involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can. Then nothing happens. Several more minutes pass and he starts to relax. The man is about to straighten up and ask the doctor what happened when the tapeworm sticks its head out his rear and yells, "Where's my lemon cookie?!" And WHAM! Down comes the hammer.

another good one bigbear

 

[cookiejar]

Try this game...

http://www.nabiscoworld.com/games/or_shock_ordg.htm

 

[sueanninct]

I wish the local Chinese restaurants served these.

http://www.scenic-route.com/tutorial/psp/img/fcook9.jpg

 

[cookiejar]

I wish the local Chinese restaurants served these.

http://www.scenic-route.com/tutorial/psp/img/fcook9.jpg

Ooooo how purty!

Hi Bunkie & d_g_o...how are you ladies today?