My Frst Story!

[KinkyFreakyBi-girl]

Hi all. I just had my first story on Lit Erotica put up just yesterday. I would love for anyone into Kinky lesbian sex to read it. I've been getting some good feedback on it and would appreciate if you read and voted on it. It is the first in hopefully many. I've already got requests on what to add in the next chapter. So please, feel free to suggest anything too.

Can't wait for more feedback!

Thank you!

Amanda

 

[P. B. Walker]

wow... I'm not really into kinky lesbian sex.. but wow... it was very hot! dang.. I hope this lump goes down before I have to walk out of my office for lunch. <wink> Good story... hope you continue to write more

- PBW

 

[KinkyFreakyBi-girl]

Thank yo, P.B.!!

I do hope to write many more adventures for Natalie and Amanda. I am going to check out your stories now. Thanks again!

 

[Couture]

An excellent first story. You should be a proud kinky-bi-girl.

 

[KinkyFreakyBi-girl]

Thank you, Couture.

I just started reading the Smell of Sex and I must say it has me very wet. It's really great. Very erotic. Can't wait to read the rest of it.

 

[Hecate]

You were asking for it ...

so don't complain ...

The story is based on a nice line of development, not too long winded before getting to the "hot bits" but with a little info as to where the persons came from and what brought them to that situation.

I admit thought I was struggling hard with the tenses you were using. A few lapses here where you slid from the general past tense the story uses into the present tense - for me that disturbed the flow of things a little.

Nevertheless - good story for a first effort, although I suggest you check out an editor next time to simply avoid little flaws like the time thing to make it even better. There are many good editors available here at Lit and using an editor doesn't mean you aren't doing a good enough job on your own. You will find that the most acknowledged authors around here do so why not take advantage yourself of the services offered?

 

[KinkyFreakyBi-girl]

Thank you. I did have trouble with my tenses while I was writing it. I knew that was a problem going in. I thank you for your honesty. I guess I struggled with writing it from the point of view of someone looking in on the story or someone telling the story from something that happened to them.

could you tell me where to look for an editor?

 

[P. B. Walker]

Literotica has a volunteer editor program. Here's the link:

http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/voled_stor.shtml

I use them for all my stories. In fact, you can even ask more than one editor to look at your story until you find a favorite editor or a couple favorite editors.

- PBW

 

[KinkyFreakyBi-girl]

Can I say thank you one more time? haha Thanks P.B. I will check that out. appreciate all of your help. Keep it cuming.

 

[Couture]

About tenses:
The rule of thumb I always use is that unless it's in quotes, keep it in past.

Now, I remember when I first started writing I didn't want to do this. I wanted to write in present tense. I bickered with either Hecate or Catslave, I forget which about it. However, I went ahead and re-wrote it and boy am I glad I did. The final result was much more easier to read. It was also easier to write. (It is hard as hell to write in present without slipping into past.)

Cheers!

Couture

I'm glad you liked the Smell of Sex. You have a lot more chapters to go and there are a lot of surprises in store for you. This was actually my first story. I figured there would be around 3 chapters. Not!

I'm writing chapter 18 now and I think I have about two more to go. It's been both a pleasure and a pain in the ass.

 

[KinkyFreakyBi-girl]

That's great advice. and I think I can do that. When I move on to chapter two of my story I will surely do that. Thank you guys, I love this place.

And Couture, I really like your style. I look forward to reading all of your stuff. I'll email you any further thoughts.

 

[rigged4dive]

Verb tense issues not withstanding, a very nice read. It flows well, and I could almost hear the aussie accent.

The only thing I noticed that jarred me at all was one small pronoun problem (she vice her) near the beginning.

I'm eager to read more.

-R4D
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"Emergency deep!"
"Rig for ultra quiet, rig for depth charge!"