My friends loyalty? Help!

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

I just found out some disturbing news this week. My boyfriend of 3 years has been going over for tea after work to my friend/ex babysitters house. And she has been calling him at work. All this was done behind my back for several weeks.
Now she told him I was kicking him out and he could move in there and so on and so on. Well he beleived her and they got close...Not to close no sexual contact was made and the didn't even kiss. My best friend decieded to tell me and I confronted him. He told me everything and then I confronted her. Well she said she was sorry but she wasn't. Her excuse was she wanted him and that's all. Now this is not the first time it has happened with her like this she has broken up two other relationships that I know of.
Now the story gets even better. My best friend(who comes to this site quite often) of ten years who told me was also involved in the whole setting up process. Not only did she keep this from me she helped in finding time for them to spend together!
Well I confronted her and she denied it but she is still talking to that girl and seems to condone what she has done to me. Her loyalty seems to be elsewhere.
Do you think I should talk to her ever again cause as of right now I never want to see her again because of the way she has hurt me.
Am I wrong in my decision? Some Help please!

 

[CreamyLady]

I think you need some new friends, hon. A new boyfriend, too, if it comes to that.

However, you mostly need distance. Try not talking to any of them.

 

[Unclebill]

Friends; with friends like this, you don't need any enemies!

BWL, methinks you should take a step back, look up the word 'friend' and ask yourself why you call any of these three friends.

I think your judgement is sound except that you should seriously consider extending your decision to include all three of these people. They have all demonstrated already how important you and your friendship are to them.

Keep in mind, the friend/ex-babysitter wasn't doing it alone; she had two accomplices and I think they should all share the same fate. And you deserve friends who are actually friends, not 'friends' who stab you in the back.

 

[teresafannin]

hi

If it were me, I'd boot them out of my life.I know it is difficult, but you will be better off. I am sorry you are having such a bad time of it. I've always felt that friends are worth more than a boyfriend, I wish you luck.

 

[dave-73]

of course nothing went on WHAT FUCKING BOLLOCKS kick him out fuck them off and find some decent friends..... thats my oppinion..... bottom line is you realy have to do what you feel to be right you must be comfortable with your life I mean its your life and you should look after number 1 , unless there are kids involved,,that dose get a little bit tricky...... I am sure you will find a lot of the members on this bb will offer you there hand in friendship and you know what that says a lot for the class of person here.....hey just spend your life infront of your pc and we will all look after you.....well in an ideal world that would work I keep forgetting that this is real life.....god damn life sucks at times we just got to get over it........

 

[Endlessly]

Friends can be really fucking evil if you don't watch them.. I don't suggest you do what I did, and have a psychotic episode that has you nearly banging down her door to strangle her (I would be in jail right now if she had been home), but cut her out of your life. Totally. See if the guy was just stupid and easily led, or if he had designs as well. If it was the former, consider if intelligence is a major factor in the sort of guy you want, and if the latter, cut him out of your life as well.

You'll be happier.

 

[Spell_Dame]

A Jerry Springer Moment

Your situation is definitely fucked up, Jerry Springer fucked up. The way I see it none of those people deserve your company. I've had friends that have crossed me and I gave them second chances, but it never worked out in the end. If you choose to let this so called 'best friend' back into your life, you'll probably always wonder if she's double crossing you. A friendship should not be a guessing game, it should be something you know that you can trust. Find some new friends. I know it may be hard at first, but it's better to be by yourself and happy, than to have friends and be miserable, betrayed, paranoid, etc., etc.

 

[Big Willie]

Dear Bonnie wee lassie
just out of curiosity are you scottish???? (Me too!)

No one deserves to be cheated that much. Welcome to the BB and we gonna take care of you. Firstly consider me a new friend (i ain't too wierd, so don't worry!)and i think everyone will agree you are very welcome here. Secondly slap your ex (i would) he sounds like the biggest idiot on the planet, cheating should be illegal as far as i'm concerned. Thirdly, your best friend is not your best friend. if she keeps stuff from you forget her, no longer will you trust her. You are perfectly entitled to feel hurt, (by the way if this sounds really wierd its because i'm typing it at 03:59am) if i were you i would make it very clear how much all of these people have hurt you and never speak to any of them again. The more i read your post the madder i become at your so called best mate, if my mate did that, never mind if he was the best one or not, i would kill him, literally, but thats just me#!!
Anyway stay happy and smile lots
eat lots of ice cream and chocolate (again thats what i'd do!)
Peace
Big Will

 

[Firesprite]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: I agree with everyone.

Ditch them all. Friends like that are not worth having.

 

[Unclebill]

Friends!?

Friends can be really fucking evil if you don't watch them.

Endlessly, to set the record straight, a friend doesn't behave like this. These were never friends or they would not have done something so vicious and evil.

Simply because they were given the term friend by BWL doesn't make it reality. They deceived her and that's not a friend's behavior.

BTW, I'm glad the one you went after wasn't home. Honestly, (and you will agree I'm sure) she wasn't worth the grief it would have caused you.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

To My New Friends,

Thanks for all your support and wanting to be my new friend. I will take you up on that offer. I have not talked to her or nor will I even though we work together but different shift. So if she reads this just stay away from me. As for my boyfreind I am going to try to work it out with him but if after awhile if I still can't regain that trust I will end up leaving him. What is hurting me the most is that everyone knew but me. What a fool I feel like!
The funny thing is she threw our friendship away but little does she know it was one of her so called friends that ratted her out to me. Serve's her right!

Thanks again everyone
Bonnie

 

[Skitten]

I too agree with everyone here, you don't need friends who go behind your back and conspire against you. As for your so called boyfriend he is nothing to worry about losing. You have already talked to your friend and she didn't admit to any wrong doing, so do you honestly think that talking to her again would help you in anyway. I think you just need to move on you got hurt now move on and don't look back they aren't worth you time or your energy. Get new friends and forget about this terrible situation it will be better for you in the long run.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

Thank you Skitten good advice

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

The friend that was involved in the story...has her say.

Before you all judge me without hearing my side is wrong....
When I found out what was going on I informed her....I did not keep it hidden.When i first had an idea that it was going on i was told that nothing was.....i was wrong to believe them and not telling her and i am so sorry of that But when i found out that it was going on i did tell her. I never once arranged for them to meet up privatly. And if it is ALi that Bonnie Wee thinks is the person well i took care of that and i found out that it was her do all the plotting.And i am no longer talking to her. As for deb i am very mad at her...but its hard to just kick her out of my life....she was there for me when my sister left me to move to calgary. Bonnie Wee you werent. You said that you would be but you were always busy with the new job that you had. If it comes down to you and her i and you should know i would choose you. I love you and i miss you so much. If you cant find it in your heart to forgive me i will understand and i will stay away. just know that i never did the things you said that i did and that i would never do anything to hurt you. im sorry for not telling you sooner. I trusted mal and believed him when he said nothing was going on.....

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

Re: A Jerry Springer Moment

Your situation is definitely fucked up, Jerry Springer fucked up. The way I see it none of those people deserve your company. I've had friends that have crossed me and I gave them second chances, but it never worked out in the end. If you choose to let this so called 'best friend' back into your life, you'll probably always wonder if she's double crossing you. A friendship should not be a guessing game, it should be something you know that you can trust. Find some new friends. I know it may be hard at first, but it's better to be by yourself and happy, than to have friends and be miserable, betrayed, paranoid, etc., etc.

I think before you tell her to just forget about me you should know what happened. I NEVER or would i ever hurt her. We have been friends for over 10 years now and we have been through alot... When I was told that her man and deb were going to see one another i told her. I never arranged anything.....Ali did all that. Going to the drive in was something that we had planned prior....malcolm coming over to get something from ali just so that he could see deb was not me.....( i was just told of that) She is very special to me and i miss her terriably. Im giving her space to realize that....i never or would i ever do that....Remember Bonnie Wee.....I love you....listen to your head and heart.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

Well I am listening to my head and my heart. I was going to school and starting a new job so I should be condemed for trying to better my life. When you were doing the same thing I remember you and I didn't see much of each other and I understood. She has filled you head with so many lies and she is using you is that a friend or the fact of what you have said she has done to Ali's and your friendship. OPEN YOUR EYES! Two of your good friend's are gone and was she worth it? And as for that friend Deb did you still know she is still trying to call mal at work, no I suppose you didn't because that is how twisted she is. Of course she will say she didn't.! I was told by Scott she won't give up to eaisly well I hope she does because I am close to my breaking point with her.
As for me and you I don't think I can forgive this would you?
You know even after all this I feel sorry for you because you are going to lose so much over this girl. Maybe you should go have a talk with Kelly or Cindy and find out about the things she has been recently doing to them.

 

[Flagg]

Could someone pass the popcorn?

 

[CreamyLady]

Here, Flagg . . . want a Sam Adams as well?

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

reply

yes heather i would forgive you....because i would trust the fact that i never started the ball rolling.....And ALi did so losing her friendship was just about due. But i guess i can tell you until i am blue in the face and you wont believe the fact that i never could or would hurt you like that !
As i said when i found out it was happening i told you. Not malcolm or anyone else. Malcolm told me to keep quiet about it. He also said a few more things.
So scott told you debbie called, (Did malcolm.) You kicked me out of your life and i wil slowly get over that.
I think of yours and my friendship and everything that we have been through. But i guess i was more trusting in our friendship and it ment a hole lot more to me.
we might both play on this site but trust me if this is how you want our friendship to end i love you enough to let it end for you.
But as for malcolm the ball has just started rolling. Because if it wasnt Ali who started this than it was him trying to save his own ass. and his lies made me lose something. and......

[Edited by Lethal_beauty_27 on 08-01-2000 at 08:02 AM]

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

as for talking to kelly and cindy....

Well I am listening to my head and my heart. I was going to school and starting a new job so I should be condemed for trying to better my life. When you were doing the same thing I remember you and I didn't see much of each other and I understood. She has filled you head with so many lies and she is using you is that a friend or the fact of what you have said she has done to Ali's and your friendship. OPEN YOUR EYES! Two of your good friend's are gone and was she worth it? And as for that friend Deb did you still know she is still trying to call mal at work, no I suppose you didn't because that is how twisted she is. Of course she will say she didn't.! I was told by Scott she won't give up to eaisly well I hope she does because I am close to my breaking point with her.
As for me and you I don't think I can forgive this would you?
You know even after all this I feel sorry for you because you are going to lose so much over this girl. Maybe you should go have a talk with Kelly or Cindy and find out about the things she has been recently doing to them.

i will not even concider talking to them. Are you forgetting all the bull***t that they put you through. whos being brainwashed here. You hated cindy until a week ago. Remember health board. Does malcolm know that you are talking to her.
I cant see how you can forgive malcolm who was the person who lied to you over and over again. and you cant forgive the fact i wasnt sure if anything was going on and didnt tell you.Remember i was the one who did tell you. I know i should of sooner and i will regret that.
But as for you and me if you cant forgive me, and you want to throw away 10 years than i feel sorry for you. I will stay away from you at work. But leave me out of your stories on line and i will stay away from you.

 

[Gil]

Wee Bonnie Lass,

Sounds to me like dear ol' Malcolm's the key to this Gordian Knot.

Cut him loose!

It appears rather obvious that he can't be trusted and therefore, whether you're ready to acknowledge it or not, you've ALREADY lost him. Wake up! ...or prepare yourself for more pain in the future.

Jujubees, anyone?

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

Oh my cry me a river Lethal now you want me to feel sorry for you. Don't turn this around like your the big victim here. Your still friends with her even though you have lost me and ali as your friend. Think about it....who do you think got ali to do what she did. Plus she still calls mal and he is the one who told me. She called him last nite. Why are you still friends with her if she is still trying to get inbetween me and malcolm.

Im not saying malcolm is perfect and he has been yelled at and we have alot of things to still work out. If we will ever be able to work them out I don't know but I expected alittle more respect and loyalty from you.

Don't condem me because I choose to stay with mal we both know a certain someone who shouldn't stay with thier spouse because of the mistake they have made.

Why don't you ask debbie why she is still calling mal and tring to get him still.

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

heather, I do not want sympathy from anyone. i know what i did was very wrong. And i just hope one day you will find it in yuor heart to forgive me. Alot of nasty things have gone flying around. Lets just take the time to open our eyes sit back and try to make sence of them. Doing this over literotica is not sloving anything. All were doing is letting other people who dont even knowq us and not know all the factors judge us. Only you and i should decide what will come out of our friendship.
Remember that i love you and i believe that our friendship is strong enough to overcome all this blame and angered words.

[Edited by Lethal_beauty_27 on 08-02-2000 at 01:24 PM]