My first thread - please share your experience

[thurst69]

I can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation. I can be having mind-blowing sex, but I never managed to orgasm. So if I want to have an orgasm during sex, I rub my clit while having sex.

I think my boyfriend feels a bit bad about it sometimes, thinking he's not good enough. I would say it's purely biological.

I also find it very difficult to cum during oral sex. I've only managed to twice in my life. Possibly because of frustrating experiences of trying and trying to orgasm and not being able to, I don't really like receiving oral sex. I even had it from a girl once. She was down on me for something like an hour with no progress

I thought that I couldn't orgasm without clitoral stimulation too but I started to experiment and while I was being penetrated I would stimulate myself and eventually I trained my body to recognize the penetration as stimulation...Its weird how the body can be trained like a dog sometimes...

 

[SweetErika]

I think my boyfriend feels a bit bad about it sometimes, thinking he's not good enough. I would say it's purely biological.

It is. Have him read the statistics on how many women come during sex and from penetration alone. Remind him those are conservative estimates because a lot of women are unwilling to admit they have trouble orgasming, or they count the fake ones as real. (I can see where if one fakes it enough, she just might start to believe it's real. )

I also find it very difficult to cum during oral sex. I've only managed to twice in my life. Possibly because of frustrating experiences of trying and trying to orgasm and not being able to, I don't really like receiving oral sex. I even had it from a girl once. She was down on me for something like an hour with no progress

While oral is more likely to produce an orgasm than stimulation alone, it's certainly not the panacea many portray it to be. I can't tell you how many times I've heard people tell a woman who's complaining about having trouble orgasming to just get someone to go down on her. The reality for you, me and many other women is that it takes complete relaxation, not being distracted and very specific stimulation to come from oral, and a fair number of women just don't come from it at all because they need more intense stimulation than a mouth can provide.

I don't come from it often, but I have learned to really enjoy it. Knowing my partner loves doing it is key, as is teaching them how to please me, as a unique woman. For that to happen, I have to be comfortable, emotionally connected with and able to communicate freely with my partner; I'm not going to get anything out of some one I don't know or care about going down on me, no matter what they try!

One thing that really worked for us was getting into no-pressure, experimentation mode. When we had plenty of time, we relaxed and I suggested things that might work and gave him LOTS of feedback as he did them. Having him trace the alphabet and the numbers 0-9 around my clit with varying degrees of pressure gave us some good ideas on the types of motions that produced the most pleasure, and then we just expanded on those and kept trying new things, with no expectation of orgasm. In fact, we never have an expectation of orgasm! He just tries to make me feel good, and if it happens to result in orgasm, great, but even if it doesn't, we still had an awesome time trying, and it always gets me closer to coming than I was before we started.

You have every right to just not like it, but I'd suggest keeping an open mind about it. Perhaps, like me, it will just take the right person, communication, their willingness to learn/try and enthusiasm, and being comfortable with yourself for you to enjoy it. Maybe you're just not in the right place yet, but you'll get there some day, or find some different things now (e.g. slipping into my hottest fantasies makes ALL the difference for me) that will lead to pleasure, little by little. Anything's possible.

 

[energizer_bunny]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to give some updates, especially to sweeterika who has been very supportive

I finally had that "talk" with my boy. I told him that I had something to say and started telling him that I was not very comfortable with my body and that's making me uncomfortable during sex...

I also told him that though I enjoy sex, I want to try new things and put a little more effort in it, and possibly make it a lot more enjoyable for both of us....

He was very open about it, he said he's supportive and if I want to lose weight it's fine and he'll help me by going with me to the gym and all... He said not to overkill myself over that and assured me. (He appreciates the fact that I work and go to school full time as well as having house responsibilities...) So he was nice and sincere about the conversation..

That night, he dedicated the whole time for me, and tried to do the stuff i like. And, I tired as much as possible to just enjoy and not think of orgasming. (though in the very back of my mind I still want to LoL)

 

[SweetErika]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to give some updates, especially to sweeterika who has been very supportive

I finally had that "talk" with my boy. I told him that I had something to say and started telling him that I was not very comfortable with my body and that's making me uncomfortable during sex...

I also told him that though I enjoy sex, I want to try new things and put a little more effort in it, and possibly make it a lot more enjoyable for both of us....

He was very open about it, he said he's supportive and if I want to lose weight it's fine and he'll help me by going with me to the gym and all... He said not to overkill myself over that and assured me. (He appreciates the fact that I work and go to school full time as well as having house responsibilities...) So he was nice and sincere about the conversation..

That night, he dedicated the whole time for me, and tried to do the stuff i like. And, I tired as much as possible to just enjoy and not think of orgasming. (though in the very back of my mind I still want to LoL)

Good for you for talking to him!

I think you need to get the image and self-esteem thing straightened out, rather than focusing on changing your physical self right now. That doesn't mean you shouldn't eat right or exercise, but it does mean doing those things because you want to for your health, not to lose weight AND doing them in conjunction with the mental and emotional stuff, because, again, you want to be healthy and feel really good. Feeling good about physical self is only going to happen if you start inside. Otherwise, you're going to be just as unhappy as a size 6 or whatever as you are now (and there's actually a pretty good chance you'll take losing weight to an unhealthy extreme because you'll always find something to be critical about).

When he was focusing on you, did you tell him the things you liked and give him lots of feedback on what he was doing well and when something wasn't working so great for you?

If not, that's your next step. Call it a game, experiment, or whatever will make it fun for you two, but the path to success is going to be paved with expanding on what you like now, getting rid of what you don't like and finding new things that work. And for that, you have to communicate. Explicitly, because most guys are horrible about picking up hints - they need to be told what to do in no uncertain terms until they get the hang of it and remember.