My first thread here

[Tawny_Temptress]

How would you feel if someone had your phone number for a year and a half and when you decide you want theirs, they aren't forthcoming? I didnt want it, initially, for many reasons. I have never given them any reason to mistust me, so I am not sure what the problem is now.

How would you feel if you got a text message saying "I will call shortly" and the next time you hear from them it is almost 24 hours later, via text?

How about this? Any time you and this person had an issue in the past they always wanted to talk on the phone about it because "we owed it to ourselves" but all of a sudden, when I say if we talk it will be me calling you and there is nothing to that effect.

I have been an absolute idiot!!

Don't worry, I wont give out your name.

 

[Primalex]

How would you feel if someone had your phone number for a year and a half and when you decide you want theirs, they aren't forthcoming?

No different than before, but I would dump this person immediately.

I didnt want it, initially, for many reasons. I have never given them any reason to mistust me, so I am not sure what the problem is now.

Married or in a relationship or still living with his mom or any other reason for being an internet fake.

I have been an absolute idiot!!

Yes, most likely.

 

[RawHumor]

Married or in a relationship or still living with his mom or any other reason for being an internet fake.

Ding ding ding...

That's it exactly. He's a liar.

 

[WriterDom]

Dishonesty on the internet? Say it ain't so, Joe!

 

[SlaveNienna]

I'd feel like I got slapped in the face. Especially if I liked this person and was waiting for their call for 24 hours. That's like being stood up. I might cry if someone did that to me. I agree with Primalex, I would dump this person immediately. That's really very rude and disrespectful on their part.

 

[Primalex]

I'd feel like I got slapped in the face. Especially if I liked this person and was waiting for their call for 24 hours. That's like being stood up. I might cry if someone did that to me. I agree with Primalex, I would dump this person immediately. That's really very rude and disrespectful on their part.

Just for the record:
I don't think being rude and/or disrespectful is a reason for dumping or that the behaviour was rude and/or disrespectful.

 

[JMohegan]

Ding ding ding...

That's it exactly. He's a liar.

He's only a liar if he said stuff like: TT, you're my best friend, the only woman in my life, I love and trust you more than anybody, can't wait till I earn enough $ so we can be together in real life, whatever.

If all they've been doing is engaging in virtual intimacy - well, the key word there is virtual.

 

[Netzach]

Just for the record:
I don't think being rude and/or disrespectful is a reason for dumping or that the behaviour was rude and/or disrespectful.

Just unreliable.

Hopefully a better sense of the questions one needs to ask and the ability to listen to the answers objectively is honed.

 

[BiBunny]

Yep, married. And his wife pays the cell phone bill. How transparent can these people be? *Sigh*

 

[Marquis]

He's probably the craigslist killer.

 

[PervyRomantic]

How would you feel if someone had your phone number for a year and a half and when you decide you want theirs, they aren't forthcoming? I didnt want it, initially, for many reasons. I have never given them any reason to mistust me, so I am not sure what the problem is now.

How would you feel if you got a text message saying "I will call shortly" and the next time you hear from them it is almost 24 hours later, via text?

How about this? Any time you and this person had an issue in the past they always wanted to talk on the phone about it because "we owed it to ourselves" but all of a sudden, when I say if we talk it will be me calling you and there is nothing to that effect.

I have been an absolute idiot!!

Don't worry, I wont give out your name.

Give out the name!!

 

[Primalex]

Give out the name!!

Tim.

Now what?

 

[nh23]

Yep, married. And his wife pays the cell phone bill. How transparent can these people be? *Sigh*

Ditto. Been there, done that.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

He is married, but we are supposed to be friends. I didn't want a number to call until I felt like he was becoming unreliable I feel, not only taken for granted, but also disrespected because when I voiced my complaints I was told I was "blowing things out of proportion". Also, I have had a lot of person issues going on and he blames that on why I get upset with him but the bottom line is that this behavior isn't acceptable if I am having personal problems or not.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

He is married, but we are supposed to be friends.

I wish I could be more positive but it sounds to me like he is using you for wank material and is completely uninterested the rest of the time. You know he is married so why are you expecting emotional attachment or any degree of honesty? He's deceiving his wife, who he lives with 24/7. Deceiving you by comparison is a piece of cake.

Either accept that he's only ever going to want to get his rocks off when he has the opportunity or cut him off and find a guy who's more likely to give a shit about how you feel.

There really is no option C here. You should not delude yourself that you're important to this fucktard.

Sorry

 

[Recidiva]

He is married, but we are supposed to be friends. I didn't want a number to call until I felt like he was becoming unreliable I feel, not only taken for granted, but also disrespected because when I voiced my complaints I was told I was "blowing things out of proportion". Also, I have had a lot of person issues going on and he blames that on why I get upset with him but the bottom line is that this behavior isn't acceptable if I am having personal problems or not.

Then just chalk it up to irresponsible fun. There's no real problem with having a relationship that's just what it is for what it was.

He sounds like a user who can glibly come up with any "rule" that won't apply to him.

I've been in this situation where I had someone I knew was married and the relationship was convenient. But when I started to feel that I was getting actually involved and my real life started to detonate and I knew I needed support, I asked for it. When he refused and started on his selfish justification riff I told him "I know exactly what to expect from you. Nothing." and that was the end of it, for me anyway. It was true and I knew it. That's all that really mattered. I relied on myself for support and that was better than leaning on someone who is suddenly "not there" and you fall over. It ended well enough and as a matter of fact he tracked me down a few years later to just apologize for failing to treat me well when I needed it most.

Regardless of what he says, keep in mind the main arsenal this person has is guilt and pressure. This can be okay when you know what it is and you're not prone to it.

But breaking it off has the additional benefit of not having to worry about it. Just don't pick up the phone. It's not like he's coming to your house.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

I am such an idiot. I wasn't trying to "take him" away from his wife. We just became friends over time. We talked about everything under the sun. I guess I became a whole other woman to take for granted.

I made this thread to see how it "sounded" to someone besides us.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Thanks for the input everyone.

and Pervy, I just cant give out a name.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Maybe the guy was protecting his wife? I am married and my Dominant has never talked to my husband in the four years we have been together. Never by phone, IM or email. For all my PYL knows I could have made up that my husbands approves of my relationship with him.

I didn't give my PYL my home phone number nor address for close to a year after we met. Why? To protect my children and husband. I want to make 100% sure without any doubt that my PYL would honor my privacy and not go crazy on me if we ever broke up etc. He was totally understanding of this and respected my needs to protect my children, too.

There are rules of respect to follow when talking with a married man (not to mention the rules if the talking turns intimate)

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Maybe the guy was protecting his wife? I am married and my Dominant has never talked to my husband in the four years we have been together. Never by phone, IM or email. For all my PYL knows I could have made up that my husbands approves of my relationship with him.

I didn't give my PYL my home phone number nor address for close to a year after we met. Why? To protect my children and husband. I want to make 100% sure without any doubt that my PYL would honor my privacy and not go crazy on me if we ever broke up etc. He was totally understanding of this and respected my needs to protect my children, too.

There are rules of respect to follow when talking with a married man (not to mention the rules if the talking turns intimate)

I gave him lots and lots of tips on how to protect his family. I have never even come close to pushing that, nor do I want to. I was too paranoid to call when he was away from home and I had the number to his room, for fear that he might be on the phone with his family.


I cant trust someone who doesn't trust me. I also wont put up with being taken for granted, or having to make a huge deal out of everything to get him to "hear me" or have the things I find important invalidated because it isn't how he sees it.

If someone is really "there for me", then they need to be somewhat available. Not hit or miss. If he didn't log on, then we didn't talk. yet, when he wanted to talk to me, he could get me most times.

I was told many time how "he would handle things if he were me", yet when I shut down text message communication and started to relying to just when I was on line, he got upset because "he never knew when I was going to be on line".

I am hurt. I really though we were friends, but the inconsideration and disrespect of late is too much for me to deal with

 

[BiBunny]

Maybe the guy was protecting his wife? I am married and my Dominant has never talked to my husband in the four years we have been together. Never by phone, IM or email. For all my PYL knows I could have made up that my husbands approves of my relationship with him.

I didn't give my PYL my home phone number nor address for close to a year after we met. Why? To protect my children and husband. I want to make 100% sure without any doubt that my PYL would honor my privacy and not go crazy on me if we ever broke up etc. He was totally understanding of this and respected my needs to protect my children, too.

There are rules of respect to follow when talking with a married man (not to mention the rules if the talking turns intimate)

Maybe he was protecting his wife. But, let's be honest, it's more likely that he's covering his ass because his wife never knew in the first place.

I am curious what you mean by rules of respect to follow when talking with a married man, too.

 

[JMohegan]

I am such an idiot. I wasn't trying to "take him" away from his wife. We just became friends over time. We talked about everything under the sun. I guess I became a whole other woman to take for granted.

I made this thread to see how it "sounded" to someone besides us.

I don't pretend to speak for all guys here, and certainly not the one in question, but perhaps there's a male/female disconnect here. From my perspective, this is way too much drama for friends.

When it's really fucking important, my buddies are there every time. When we hang out together, we talk about all kinds of stuff, without reservation or awkwardness. But I don't consider them to be at my beck and call on a daily basis, nor do they see me that way.

If one or the other of us gets busy, weeks or even months may go by without any contact at all. Nobody gets offended or feels taken for granted; we just assume that's life.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

I don't pretend to speak for all guys here, and certainly not the one in question, but perhaps there's a male/female disconnect here. From my perspective, this is way too much drama for friends.

When it's really fucking important, my buddies are there every time. When we hang out together, we talk about all kinds of stuff, without reservation or awkwardness. But I don't consider them to be at my beck and call on a daily basis, nor do they see me that way.

If one or the other of us gets busy, weeks or even months may go by without any contact at all. Nobody gets offended or feels taken for granted; we just assume that's life.

We see things too differently and yes, it was more than just friendship but it went from daily to whenever he was in the mood, wasnt too busy, decided to take his lap top home and or log in.

I cared a lot. He said he did too. I tried to walk away weeks ago, since we "saw things so differently".

He has communicated very little lately since he "needed to think", didnt hear shit from him yesterday but I get a text today saying he is thinking of me? After I made this thread?

I am pissed off but I am mostly pissed off at myself.

 

[JMohegan]

We see things too differently and yes, it was more than just friendship but it went from daily to whenever he was in the mood, wasnt too busy, decided to take his lap top home and or log in.

I cared a lot. He said he did too. I tried to walk away weeks ago, since we "saw things so differently".

He has communicated very little lately since he "needed to think", didnt hear shit from him yesterday but I get a text today saying he is thinking of me? After I made this thread?

I am pissed off but I am mostly pissed off at myself.

Oh, well if it's "more than just friendship," then here's my advice. It may be unnecessary at this point, but nevertheless here you go.

If you're wondering how a guy feels about you, don't pay attention to what he *says*. Pay attention to what he actually *does*. Never does the axiom "actions speak louder than words" ring more true, than in this context.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Maybe he was protecting his wife. But, let's be honest, it's more likely that he's covering his ass because his wife never knew in the first place.

I am curious what you mean by rules of respect to follow when talking with a married man, too.

His wife may or may not have known anything. Or perhaps they have a "don't ask,don't tell" arrangement. What goes on between a married couple is theirs and theirs alone. Only they really know the real dynamics and rules of how they manage their marriage. (I'm talking mostly about people who have been married a long time, more than 10 yrs for example)

Regarding rules of respect with a married man (or for a married women). There is really one main rule.

Respect the marriage. Spouse and children come first in every situation. I never call him during those certain times of the day that are "their" time. Never, as in for no reason ever. If he were admitted to the hospital, or seriously ill the place by his bedside is reserved for his wife. I don't belong anywhere near him. (His best friend would call me and keep me updated ). If I don't hear from him for an unusual period of time, I call his friend not his wife. My PYL has my sister's phone number to call just in case. As much as my husband approves and supports my D/s relationship if I am seriously ill in the hospital he doesn't want to talk to my PYL.

I am in love with my PYL and he is in love with me. But our relationship does not change the very long-term relationships we have with our spouses.

I'll add the usual disclaimer..this is my experience with my relationships and does not mean I think every relationship should be the same way.