My first Submission

[DelilaSophia]

Demons Ch. 01

The story is about three female demons (well, one is a half demon, half vampire) and the first chapter is basically an introduction. Chapter 2 is in the works.

This is my first submission and I'd really like some feedback and even suggestions. I find I'm often inspired by such things. I also appreciate tasteful critism, but please at least tell me why don't you don't like it if you don't like it. It was also be nice to know why you like it if you do like it.

 

[Hotcappucino]

I loved the world and characters that you've created, very original. Good detail and imagery.

My only criticism would be that I can't see where the story is going. I know this is only the first chapter, but to me it just seems to ramble along without any point. I think it would be beneficial to have some idea as to the overall plot in order to keep the reader interested in continuing on to subsequent chapters.

Hope that helps.

 

[DelilaSophia]

Thank you

That certainly does help. I think the issue there is that this is a re-write of a short story I did a couple years ago. I'm following the story and basically adding more detail and more scenes.

I had planned to follow Chapter 1 swiftly with Chapter 2, but my laptop died on me and is in the shop. Chapter 1 is merely a quick look into the basics and Ebony's cameo (Ruby's comes in Chapter 2 and Diamond's in Chapter 3).

I think it's also worth mentioning that I did not put the full artistic effort I usually strive for into this story because I've read some of the stuff on here and it seems the sex scenes are more important than the storyline to people. I'm beginning to see that's not always true, but it's very hard to blend all of the worlds of writing I've been in.

Again, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my piece. I will certainly keep your comments in mind.

I loved the world and characters that you've created, very original. Good detail and imagery.

My only criticism would be that I can't see where the story is going. I know this is only the first chapter, but to me it just seems to ramble along without any point. I think it would be beneficial to have some idea as to the overall plot in order to keep the reader interested in continuing on to subsequent chapters.

Hope that helps.