My first story

[ChaffII]

This morning my story was approved and I am very excited to hear any reviews. It will be interesting to see what you have to say as I have of course a lot to learn about writing. But if all goes well then I will continue if there is a want or need to. If things dictate then I just might branch off into something else, it all depends on what is said.

Its called "the Day Sail" in Group Sex

Thanks ChaffII

 

[71bruce8]

first story

I could not not find this story in the listings. Possibly it is not osted there yet. Either you have to put up your own link or we will have to wait for the posting, Thanks.

 

[sabbathstorm]

It's listed in the newly listed stories section for all to enjoy. I haven't had a chance to fully get into yet but I'll sure make the time later

 

[Impetus]

Pros: I liked the setup and the way that the sex didn't feel forced or strange within the story frame. It was a very nice effect, and a good way to structure the story.

Cons: The two things that I would work on if I were you would be basic grammar and smoothness of writing. I noticed a lot of errors, particularly having to do with tense, at the beginning. You should also make sure you use quotes correctly. The text also flowed strangely, and while I liked some of the wordplay you used, there were parts of the story where the text simply sounded strange, and it put a pretty heinous break in the flow of the story.

Get those elements out of the way, and I'll bet you could put together some really great stories.

-I

 

[ChaffII]

dear I

when I went in to read the story I found it different. When I sent my story in as a Word Doc. it had to be transposed or rewritten. So I'm thinking that it was edited in some fashion hence the changes in Quotes. I know that it doesn't read properly, if you want to read it verbatum go to www.watchersweb.com and go into the stories dated about the 19th or so.

Thanks Chaff