My first story

[rikaaim]

I know a lot of authors are having first stories post. I too would like to throw my hat into the mix. I would also offer services of a kindred reply, I.E. I'll feedback you if you feedback me.

I'm looking for genuine feedback on ways to improve. I know my story has it's flaws, and I want to know what they are.

I posted this in the new story thread:

I have a new, and my first, story up. It's linked in my sig through my profile. It's called "A Lost Love". Being my first story I'm really looking for some feedback on it. Good, bad, or ugly. I don't mind. I'll take all advice and learn from it. I know already there's some typos, and I'll probably edit, but I'm just looking for some advice for right now.

It's a fantasy story that has a bitter-sweet feel to it, from what I've been told. It has strong emotions and a very poetic style to it, that's just me, but some already know that. Then ending is a bit strong, so if your looking for pure fluff, this isn't it.

Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

That's a brief description and I would appreciate any comments that might lead to an improvement in my writing. Thanks. I'm off to go stake my claim in the SDC now. I'll be back on later to see how things are going here. Peace to all.

Rika

 

[J.Q. Hack]

First Story

Hi Rikaaim,

For a first story I must really tip my hat to you. You set up the story good with the high school yearbook. It quickly becomes clear that for some reason Kate lost Alex. I think the suspense of that initial hint was enough to carry the story through.

The only thing that seems out of place in the story right now is Kate's self image that seems to have been influenced by her father. I'm not sure what role its supposed to play ... perhaps you could have made those issues clearer or maybe in the next chapter it will be better known. What does her self image have to do with Alex leaving?

Just some thoughts.
J.Q. Hack

 

[rikaaim]

Hi Rikaaim,

For a first story I must really tip my hat to you. You set up the story good with the high school yearbook. It quickly becomes clear that for some reason Kate lost Alex. I think the suspense of that initial hint was enough to carry the story through.

The only thing that seems out of place in the story right now is Kate's self image that seems to have been influenced by her father. I'm not sure what role its supposed to play ... perhaps you could have made those issues clearer or maybe in the next chapter it will be better known. What does her self image have to do with Alex leaving?

Just some thoughts.
J.Q. Hack

Interesting observation. The self image thing is mainly the reason she has the fantasy every night. The low self-image is responsible for her perfect dream scenario that she replays every single night. That's the intent anyway. It's also the reason she feels guilty for her sessions.

I just felt that when she lost her Alex, the one person that loved her unconditionally left. When that happened she stopped believing she meant anything to anyone. Hence, her self doubt that he ever loved her.

Very astute observation. Thank you for bringing that up.

 

[J.Q. Hack]

First Story

Rik,

You're reply clears things up. Your explanation makes a lot of sense and does explain her perfect marriage fantasy she has every night. I think not making that clear in the story is just one of those things that happens to writers. In our heads, as writers, it is perfectly clear and obvious why a character is doing something but either we forget to explain it in the story or we forget altogether.

J.Q. Hack

 

[rikaaim]

Rik,

You're reply clears things up. Your explanation makes a lot of sense and does explain her perfect marriage fantasy she has every night. I think not making that clear in the story is just one of those things that happens to writers. In our heads, as writers, it is perfectly clear and obvious why a character is doing something but either we forget to explain it in the story or we forget altogether.

J.Q. Hack

The thing I really forgot, was to say that this is only chapter one. I'm editing some things now and will redo the title to reflect that. In chapter two I go into some of those details that aren't apparent in chapter one. Thanks for your posts though. They let me know what exactly I need to incorporate. I was planning to include that interlude piece about how she feels and the reasons of her father. I just didn't want to throw it all out there in chapter one. Again, thanks for your interest.