My first story.

[grappler]

I have been a member here for awhile and I finaly submitted my first story. I hope people get as much pleasure out of my sotry as I have from all the others. Please let me know what you think about it.

Danielle's Suprise.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=164585

 

[Varian P]

Grappler,

My, my--you certainly packed a lot of action into that single L.com page!

Your story had a lot of enticing elements--I enjoyed the sensuality of the massage juxtaposed, earlier and later, with lots of nastier action. Contrasts like that work beautifully to enhance the erotic impact of both the sensual and raunchier bits.

If I were to make one suggestion, it would be to elaborate more on the erotic details. You have an extremely saucy situation, and I want to experience everything a bit more close-up. You tell us what actions are leading to that amazing parade of orgasms, but I'd like to know what she's feeling with all these hands on her, feel the agonizing build-up to every climax.

I hope that's helpful.

Varian

 

[grappler]

Varian

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and evaluate the story! Your advice was exactly what I was looking for. Thanks again!

Grappler

 

[vargas111]

I'd like to know more about who the poeple are why does she follow his insruction?