My First Story

[no_nonsense_mam]

This is my first attempt at a story, so any comments or advice would really be appreciated.
It is about a naive girl who's sub-concious desire to become a slave is awakened and brought to life by a woman she admires.
Thanks



part 1
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=135599

part2
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=139222

 

[DarkLit]

I think this is a good attempt for a first story. Try giving your characters a little more voice; some dialogue could help with this. The tone of the story is a little too straightforward, kind of a "documentary" style. Let the characters tell the story instead of you, the narrator.

Keep writing, I think you have something to say that could get all of us nice and randy by the time your done. If any of my advice doesn't make any sense, let me know. If you haven't already, try hooking up with someone in the Lit editors program, there are some great writers here who are always willing to help out.