my first story

[itsnotmyfault]

Hi all,

I just posted my first story, and I'm interested in knowing should I ask for feedback here or just wait to see if anyone bothers to reply using the feedback option?

Thanks

itsnotmyfault

 

[Jenny _S]

Hi all,

I just posted my first story, and I'm interested in knowing should I ask for feedback here or just wait to see if anyone bothers to reply using the feedback option?

Thanks

itsnotmyfault

Unless you put a link to the story in your thread, you will be waiting for the sucky feedback in you email.

Here it is: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=108146

 

[FlyontheWall99]

Word of warning, many an author will say likewise, descriptors such as bra cup size and penis length can be distracting and usually inflated. Sure it's a lot of people's desire to see a big chest and a big phallus, but you'll find people around here take it as a pet peeve and a distraction ....

You can get around it by just describing something as long, or well rounded or whatever. We all make the mistake in the start, I think my first two or three stories did likewise and I was set straight and now I'm happy to pass on the advice ....

Back to writing ....

Fly ....

Oh yeah, it was a very good story, a bit brief for my personal tastes and I don't particularly like the first person style, but it was a very credible first up effort. Keep up the good work ....

 

[cookiejar]

My biggest problem is that your sentences run together, as in this passage...
____________________________________________________
"As I walked towards the gates I kept a lookout for my fiancée Kimberley, who by rights should be here to meet me, however the very reason for my evil mood, was that I had not heard from her for over two weeks and indeed had not had a letter from her for more than a month."
_________________________________________________

This is at least 3 sentences...and most of the story was this way.

Only other thing is too much detail about penis and breast size.


As a first story it was a good start. I hope to see you here again.

Cookie

 

[itsnotmyfault]

Hi,

Thanks for the tips, i'll try to use most of them, if not all of them in my next story.

itsnotmyfault