my first story

[rhody]

this is my first time out in having a story published here. after i reread it here i realize all the mistakes and i'm hoping all my others will be much better than this one.

please let me know how you liked, disliked, or how i can improve on my writing. all feedback will be welcomed.


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=96365

thank you

rhody

 

[requerdos]

congrats on posting your first story.

i like the details about the preparation for the visit. the obsession to be everything that Master wants (and requires) is stimulating. that she knows that Master's heart does not belong to her is perhaps the most revealing aspect of the obsession.

what is her motivation? what is it about this Master that compells her to drive to him, get ready for him, put on airs for him, wait two months for him?

why does she rebel? maybe for the punnishment she knows she'll be rewarded with? explore that detail.

i like that the reader is "in the dark" about Master's motivations, just as she is. it lets Master's actions be as surprising to the reader as it is to the slave.

i recommend cutting each paragraph in half. edit what's non-essential to the theme of the paragraph.

don't let it end there!

requerdos

 

[rhody]

well i wrote another one and it has been approved. here's the link;


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php/101726

please read and send me the feedback. i really want to hear from you all.

rhody