My first story was posted today!

[reg_roch]

My first gay erotica was posted today!

Hey Everyone!

My first story was posted today. I'm very excited and hope to get some feedback.

It's called "Straight Turnout" and it's posted under the Gay Male index.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=292788&page=1

I wanted the story to be kind of ridiculous and funny -- so even if you're not into the gay male stuff I hope you give it a read.

Thanks, Reg

I also posted this message under New Story Advertisements.

 

[YaoiHuntressE]

I'm sorry

How do I put this nicely, but I didn't really like this story. Some suggestions I have are...

-There's very little personality to the cast. I don't know if Jamie is just some honry nerd who thinks only with his cock or just some generally lonely man who was tricked by a greedy bimbo. I know Becca and Mr. Goodlong are supposed to be sterotypes, but it wouldn't have hurt to put a little deph to them.

One can argue that parodies and humor stories can get away with less characterization than a more serious story. Still if the characters' personalities are nonexistant, it still hurts the story and gives us no one to root for.

-I know you were trying to be light-hearted and funny. While you got some of the light-hearted elements down, I didn't think it was all that funny. Maybe it's my sense of humor. I'd suggest John Irving's "The Fourth Hand" for some ideas on how to make a sex scene funny and amusing. (While the book itself was far from perfect, it had some good\crazy moments.) The online comic, Sexy Losers, also pulls off the lighter side of sex idea pretty well and might be of some help for ideas.

-The sex scene itself could've been better. There's no real seduction or easing into the act. I'm not expecting eight pages worth of foreplay, just a reason for Jamie to eventually relax and accept what's happening to him. Especally with a cock that big (which would definately need some lube) and how harshly forced he was into this.

-Even though I'm a total supporter of the Kinsey scale, I had a hard time being convinced how quickly Jamie jumped ship. It would've been nice to see some hints as to why he'd be turned on enough to do it.

It takes guts to share what you have up for others on such a public place, but you wanted feedback and I needed to be honest.

 

[reg_roch]

Hey YaoiHuntressE,

Thanks for your input. I have no prob with your critique whatsoever. That's the kind of feedback I was looking for. It was constructive and helpful.

It was my first story and I was looking for feedback so I could make my next one better. I'm outlining my next one now -- will definetly incorporate your suggestions.

Thanks!!!!!

Reg

 

[DeadSpoiler]

I'm not into Gay Fiction but I just thought I'd say congrats on getting your first piece up on the site.

 

[lipsxsexy]

nice!

 

[psychedelicmoth]

Question

I tried to read your story via the link you posted but it didn't work. But I have a question for you.
How long does it usually take from the time that a story is posted until the time that it gets posted?

 

[jomar]

Congratulations! Now you get to spend all your free time and then some checking the "view submissions" page for views, votes, and public comments!

 

[reg_roch]

I tried to read your story via the link you posted but it didn't work. But I have a question for you.
How long does it usually take from the time that a story is posted until the time that it gets posted?

It took a few days from the time I submitted to the time it was actually posted on Lit. The process was even longer if you include the editor's involvment -- luckily the editor I worked with had the story back to me in a couple of days.

Oh and try this link...

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=292788&page=1

Dunno what changed in the original post... but I corrected that link too.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I tried to read your story via the link you posted but it didn't work. But I have a question for you.
How long does it usually take from the time that a story is posted until the time that it gets posted?

It varies quite a bit. If you sumit by pasting in the box and add any html tags you want, it will probably take about four days (longer if a contest is running as those entries take precedence). Adding a .doc file as an attachment takes a bit longer as it has to be manually converted - say up to a week. Also, Laurel tries to spread stories out so not too many appear on one day to give us a chance of being noticed.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hi reg_roch

Had a chuckle at your story but I must agree witha lot of what Yaoi said.

Thought you got confused between plot and subplot a bit. The drama is between Becca and Rod seducing Jamie, but who is Jamie? He starts on Internet dating, then he's an undersexed nerd, then he's easily persuaded into gay sex. More time spent on the interplay between the three of them and developing Jamie a bit would have helped, IMHO.

On the other hand, the bit players Nancy, Charlie and Bobby get attention that detracts from the main story. Look at each 'scene' and ask yourself how this helps advance the plot. If it doesn't ask yourself why it's included.

 

[reg_roch]

LOL... Right on all counts.

I think I just got lost in the sex of it all. I don't want to sound too weird here... but when I wrote the story I would masturbate to it after each draft. Then I would revise and stroke while reading again. I tried to keep a good rythm to the flow of sex without too many breaks in bewteen. I did this until I was happy with the masturbation session I had while reading. When I was done I had one of the Lit editors go through it. I thought he did a great job editing for grammar etc... he withheld plot points etc.

In my next story I think I'll follow your advice and build up the characters more before getting into the sex. That way I wouldn't have to worry so much about breaking the flow once it gets going.

 

[wyckdwench]

Congratulations! I remember what a thrill that was for me too. Good on ya'!

 

[reg_roch]

Congratulations! I remember what a thrill that was for me too. Good on ya'!

Wow thanks so much wyckdwench! The support on Lit is awesome!

 

[john-the-author]

Congrats, lad!

Getting your first story published is a rush, I agree. Keep it up!