My First Story: The Center of Attention

[CumPervChick]

Hey, I'd really like feedback on and additions to my first story, The Center of Attention. It looks like it's getting read, but I'm not hearing much about it... so, help me write better!

xox Emma

http://www.chyoo.com:81/index.php/main.story.cover/3720

 

[gizmoo69]

This is a great story. It's fast paced, intense and VERY sexy!

I've sort of retired from CHYOO now, so don't write threads, but don't be disheartened if people don't add for a while, it can sometimes be a slow process but often once the momentum picks up and you get a few regular posters involved then the story will take a life of its own! If you post on other people's stories then they will often reciprocate (*AHEM...PLUG...AHEM* Fun with the Family! )

I can't think of any improvements, really. Just keep writing about things that tun you on and keep it up to the same quality as you have and it will turn out fine. Oh, and you can never go wrong with more butt plugging

 

[CumPervChick]

Oh, and you can never go wrong with more butt plugging

lol, I can't disagree with that! I'm glad the pace is good. I wanted to keep each section not too long or short, since the long ones sorta drag sometimes, and the short ones don't really say anything.

xox Emma

 

[JagFarlane]

Hmmmm well I haven't visited Chyoo in a while but hmmm very nice and fast paced there, looking fowards to seeing where you take this

 

[gizmoo69]

Well, looks as though you've pulled me out of retirement! I had to add a thread. Guess I'm just in a CHYOO mood at the moment! You can view my new thread here

Hope you like it!

 

[CumPervChick]

I did like it! I can't wait to see where you take it : )

xox Emma