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My First Story, plz give your opinions!

The back door

While I'm not into BDSM thing, your story got me incredibly hot. :p :catroar: . So keep writing, I think you've probably some really hot stories to write.
Rudy :nana: :kiss:
 
It could be a lil more detailed..like every aspect of the process..
 
Nice job, but too much anal for me.

I liked the story, but wanted some action other than anal.

Lesly Sloan
 
what a beautiful contridiction

Dreams of BDSM and ass fucking bound together by quiet intimacy - remarkably well done!

Ok, I found a couple of "grammars." For example, a number of your sentences run on because of your using commas rather than periods. It's "an S/switch," not "a S/switch." Those errors become almost invisible though in the light of that to which you've allowed the reader access.

In few stories is a reader so priviliged as to read a story and simultaneously hear its being told in the writer's actual voice. Dear Diary is one of the first such stories I've encountered here on lit. You mesmerized me with the soft, quiet, almost lilting quality of your voice. You permitted me a glimpse of the intimacy existing between a woman and her diary. Dear Diary, if told to a person rather than to your diary, might have failed for lack of that intimacy.

Is grasping a woman's neck to the point of restricting her breathing an act of intimacy? Is pounding a cock into her ass an act of intimacy ? You've not only shown us the answers, you've allowed us to experience them.

Bravo!
 
-geisha.grrrl- said:
I just found out my first story I submitted to the site was approved today. It's short, but plz don't hesitate to share ur opinions [and criticism if you have any] with me! I'm just a noob who wants to be the best. :)

-gg

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=199842
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I liked your story a lot, I would suggest that you do not use "s/switch" at all as I find that very distracting from the story itself. One has to think of what you are refering to; if you are not use to such references.

Have a look at "My Story" and tell me what you think, I would be pleased to hear from you too.
Lloyd
 
jakebarnes48 said:
It's "an S/switch," not "a S/switch."
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Actually it would be "a S/switch". "AN" is used mostly before a word with a vowel, (IE: an orgasm) while "A" is mostly used before a word with a consonant (IE: a money shot). ;)

Usually in informal writing (like a diary) or talking it doesn't matter. So it's kind of a paradoxical enigma...thing...in this case. Most of the complaints I see when I'm lurking are on spelling and grammar, but in this case it's a story about what a character is writing so the errors serve to humanize the character.

Characters aren't spell checkers or grammar checker, so they shouldn't be portrayed with perfect diction and grammar, IMO. That's my biggest gripe is when someone gripes that a character isn't using proper English, NO ONE DOES...not even the ENGLISH! :D
 
Actually it would be "a S/switch". "AN" is used mostly before a word with a vowel, (IE: an orgasm) while "A" is mostly used before a word with a consonant (IE: a money shot).
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Demon: I agree with your other comments, but it really is an S/switch.

A/an issues are not determined by whether the letter following the a/an is a consonant or a vowel, they are determined by the sound of that letter. Vowel sounds require "an." Consonant sounds require "a." A few examples make this rule clear: a unicorn (note the initial y sound of unicorn); an uprising; a one-armed man (the initial w sound); an omen; an honest error; an s-curve.

p.s. I think we can agree that Geisha.grrrl's story is much more exciting than this post.
 
Lloyd2004 said:
I liked your story a lot, I would suggest that you do not use "s/switch" at all as I find that very distracting from the story itself. One has to think of what you are refering to; if you are not use to such references.

Have a look at "My Story" and tell me what you think, I would be pleased to hear from you too.
Lloyd
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There are more than a few people in the world who are not vanilla and I am one of them, that is natural for me because it is what I am. The story isn't really a story, just a journal entry with some added details to make reading interesting for a reader rather than the writer.
 
A big thank you all who've helped me troubleshoot with spelling and grammar. I had 3 people do it for me before it was submitted so I know it's fine but I appreciate you all, just the same. It could actually be either one depending upon how you read the word. An 'ESS/switch' or A Switch. I read and say it like the latter and so that's how I wrote it. Language becomes correct to the people that use it, which is why universities are giving classes in ebonics.
 
jakebarnes48 said:
Demon: I agree with your other comments, but it really is an S/switch.

A/an issues are not determined by whether the letter following the a/an is a consonant or a vowel, they are determined by the sound of that letter. Vowel sounds require "an." Consonant sounds require "a." A few examples make this rule clear: a unicorn (note the initial y sound of unicorn); an uprising; a one-armed man (the initial w sound); an omen; an honest error; an s-curve.

p.s. I think we can agree that Geisha.grrrl's story is much more exciting than this post.
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I misread the story somehow. I was seeing "switch" alone and thinking you were denoting between CAP/lower in your post. :)

But yeah, now that I see that it's S/Switch, it should be an "AN". Like Geisha said, "S" a vowel sound. :)

Oh well. That's what I get for trying to read and type at 4 am. LOL!

And yes, any story is better than a C&C thread on spelling nuisances. XD
 
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I liked it too!

Yay for you, you got your story accepted!

*hugs*

Fury :rose:
 
Staceylovesyou said:
Good story, im wet. :catroar:
Click to expand...

Imagine the male equivalent of that and you have my reaction... I love anal and masturbation stories and you combine those too so well...

:rose:
 
Oh how nice!

First off, let me tell you this......Hot! Hot! Hot!. Your writing created an extremely detailed image in my mind of the writer of the diary entry enjoying the erotic experience she created for herself. Adding the mental stimulation of her fantasy was a wonderful idea. It proves in a creative way that erotic bliss is not 100% physical.

I agree with others that your use of commas was a bit excessive. It made the read a bit difficult. You may want to keep an eye on your grammar in future works.

You have a terriffic imagination and talent for "setting the scene". Keep writing. Keep writing. Keep writing.

~Lustin Kink
 
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