My first story! Let me know what you think!

[miriaminmovies]

Hi....

I'm Miriam, long time reader, first time poster...

Let me know what you think! I hope for this to be a series. It was great fun to write.

https://literotica.com/s/la-femenina-pt-01-three-spirits

~Miri

 

[AlinaX]

The stream of consciousness coupled with a very confused narrator is a little too distracting. I'm guessing there's a touch of mind control at work, but it would have been nice if life had brought Samantha to the point where buying the hotel was a more natural decision.

I hope you write more chapters.

 

[miriaminmovies]

Thanks! Is it mind control, or Samantha's brain mirroring Miri's? I'll never tell! (Well, maybe.... Someday!)

 

[Cacatua_Galerita]

Setting

A clothing-optional ladies-only spa. Brilliant! This is going to be like The Love Boat or Fantasy Island – new guest characters every episode.

I liked the hostel introduction. I don’t know how many floors or rooms it has but I did get a feel for it as a location. Chipped paint, creaking door, daisies on the wall, mermaid, the feel of the carpet – nice touches that build texture.

Characterization

Twenty years in haute couture left Samantha rich enough to retire, so she must have been successful. My mind goes to a Devil Wears Prada type characters – outlandish would be having cerulean in her color clutch, not buying a run-down hostel on a whim.

However, the first-person narrative reveals someone who’s casual in both thought and appearance: OMG. OK… wow. Gulp. Oh, fuck. I kick off my sneakers… pull off my (cartoon character) tee-shirt... Do luxury fashion designers even own tee-shirts and no-name shoes? It’s a dichotomy for me.

Was she always like this – a typical girl-next-door type, living a lie in the high-stakes fashion industry? Did she turn away from the excesses of New York, Milan, Paris? She chose to return to Mazatian, rather than Monte Carlo, so there’s a bit more of her character to explore in future chapters. (I don’t want a snooty main character, just a better understanding of her.)

Pacing

This was an introductory chapter, so you had some extra work to do. Dropping in a few memories of past sexual encounters was a nice tease, along the way. The masturbation scene was satisfying (literarily, not orgasmically, it was a bit too brief for that) and having a solo scene was better than having to meet/court/seduce another new character in chapter one.

Overall, I enjoyed it. I love the premise and the premises.

 

[THBGato]

Loved the setting, though the sudden purchase of the hostel was a little out of the blue and was rather rushed.

Going forward, do you have a clear idea of where it is going? Given the setting, there is lots of opportunity for stand alone stories involving individual or groups of guests, or even a more developed flash back to her time there with Heather and Demi. However, my feeling is that readers would probably prefer a central romance to root for, so if you can establish one (yet put many sexy bumps in the road) that will keep pulling readers back for more.

Not sure why you didn't put this in Lesbian Sex.