My first story! It needs critical attention!

[Chantal Marchon]

This is my first story and definitely not my best. I would appreciate any feedback on how I might improve it. I like the mysterious feel of it though. Please feel free to make helpful comments

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=37535

 

[Hudson]

Hi I just read your story and like it very much, your descriptions of the cabin and characters painted deep pictures in my mind.
The only crit is I felt the start of your story stumbled a little due to some overuse of descriptions for example turned up my radio to blasting, turning up your radio is probably all that was needed, I also felt that calling what Jason did a stunt, at first I was expectingit to be a typical boyish prank but it actually was more serious than that.

I think you should keep writing you have a talent and the more you write the more it will become apparent.

Look forward to your next story.

 

[mishap00]

I liked it. I don't really have any criticism regarding structure, nothing jumped out and bit me.LOL

My only ciriticism is that it seemed to go too fast. (forgive the expression) It seemed wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

I did enjoy the mystery and I wish it could have been unfolded to a greater length.

 

[Chantal Marchon]

Thank you for the comments

Hudson- Thanks for the comment- I try to give good description but sometimes it seems a little bleak in my story world, so I am glad that this worked for you. I guess using the word "stunt" might have been to much of an understatment, I was attempting to use it sarcastically. Well, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Mishap- Thanks for taking the time to comemnt-I agree the story seemed to be, ok we had sex and throws her out the door- If I ever get inspired to go write the next story- it will be a bit more involved, I hope. Sometimes the stories seem to take on a life of there own.

My next submission is pending, should be approved soon, I think that you will like it better.

Hudson and Mishap--
If you would like me to read anything you have submitted I would be delighted.

 

[mishap00]

If you could take a look at my first submission Setthi: chap 1 it is in sci/fi fantasy (I am not sure I added the link correctly). Chap 2 was submitted last night, but I have yet to have any feedback. I guess its ok because it is in 15th place right now. I would however like to hear somebody's opinion.

Thanks

 

[Chantal Marchon]

Mishap's Story

The story is really great. It has a really interesting plot and steamy sex. However, there are a large number of grammatical errors and awkward phrases and use of the word "seems" to often. Either it is or it isn't. If you would like to send me the story as a word file attachment. I will be happy to edit it for you.

There were lots of commas and quotation marks missing and in the first paragraph you have two sentences that run together to make no sentence at all.

Honestly, I am not trying to be mean. I would be happy to help you with it.

 

[mishap00]

Chantal you should receive an email I sent soon

 

[Hudson]

Hi Chantal
Thanks for the offer to read any of my stories the link to them is below, would be very interested in what you think.
Cheers
Hudson

 

[Chantal Marchon]

Stories by Hudson

You certainly are prolific.

I read your stories about Amy and her toys. I really like them. There were some grammatical errors and in the first story, first paragraph the words -have would not, should be- would not have.

Other then that, not to bad. I noticed that in your Slap & Tickle Series that your punctuation improved quite a bit and your stories seemed to get more involved. I am guessing these are later works.

The one thing that is very prevalent in all of the stories I read, was the depth that you gave to the characters. They were very well developed with individual personalities.

 

[Hudson]

Chantal

Thanks for your kind comments

Cheers
Hudson