My first story: feedback welcome

[Andy69e]

Hi all,

I've just posted my first story. It's called All Mine, and is in the Erotic Couplings genre. It's basically a guy seducing a younger girl, with quite a dark undertone behind it.

The address is

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=302165

Just like some feedback. Someone did write me an abusive email about using the word 'knickers' instead of 'panties', calling me an idiot and telling me to get with the rest of the world. A welcoming first comment, right? Didn't really see what all the fuss was about. I mean, does it matter what language I use? So what if 'panties' is the worldy used word for underwear. It's a free world, right? I mean who cares???

Any thoughts on that?

Anyway, thanks all

Andy69e

 

[Vagina_Monologue]

Your "knicker"-hating emailer is the idiot. You're from the UK so that would be the appropriate word for you. I rather like it myself and happen to HATE "panties" and I'm American. Don't let it ruffle your feathers - or get your knickers in a twist - but I can imagine how much that must have stung, especially as a first comment on your first story. Shame. Keep going and try not to let it get you down!

Hi all,

I've just posted my first story. It's called All Mine, and is in the Erotic Couplings genre. It's basically a guy seducing a younger girl, with quite a dark undertone behind it.

The address is

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=302165

Just like some feedback. Someone did write me an abusive email about using the word 'knickers' instead of 'panties', calling me an idiot and telling me to get with the rest of the world. A welcoming first comment, right? Didn't really see what all the fuss was about. I mean, does it matter what language I use? So what if 'panties' is the worldy used word for underwear. It's a free world, right? I mean who cares???

Any thoughts on that?

Anyway, thanks all

Andy69e

 

[starrkers]

Hi all,

I've just posted my first story. It's called All Mine, and is in the Erotic Couplings genre. It's basically a guy seducing a younger girl, with quite a dark undertone behind it.

The address is

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=302165

Just like some feedback. Someone did write me an abusive email about using the word 'knickers' instead of 'panties', calling me an idiot and telling me to get with the rest of the world. A welcoming first comment, right? Didn't really see what all the fuss was about. I mean, does it matter what language I use? So what if 'panties' is the worldy used word for underwear. It's a free world, right? I mean who cares???

Any thoughts on that?

Anyway, thanks all

Andy69e

Haven't read your story yet - the "knickers/panties" debate caught my eye. Get used to ignorant American idiots having a go at your usage. I got blasted for using "arse" when the whole world uses "ass".
I use "knickers" too, guess I'll hear from your friend eventually!

Welcome to the bearpit.

 

[Andy69e]

Thanks

Haven't read your story yet - the "knickers/panties" debate caught my eye. Get used to ignorant American idiots having a go at your usage. I got blasted for using "arse" when the whole world uses "ass".
I use "knickers" too, guess I'll hear from your friend eventually!

Welcome to the bearpit.

Don't worry. I don't lump all American's under the ignorant banner. That would just be ignorant!!!

Besides, we Brits aren't much better.

Anyway, thanks for your support Starkers and Vagina Monologue.

Feeling a little more welcome now.

Thanks guys.

 

[Varian P]

Hello there, Andy 69e.

You can put me in the camp of people from the U.S. who like the word knickers. I even tend to (over)use it, rather than the various Americanisms for that article of clothing.

A couple other things caught my notice, though. In the first paragraph, there's this sentence:

I looked up at her, her small pert breasts gently rising and falling with sleeping breath, eyes closed, dreaming in twisted drunk images and visuals.

"Images" and "visuals" seems redundant, here.

In the next paragraph you have

Skinny with long slender legs and small ample breasts

There, "small" and "ample" are contradictory.

You're right about the dark undertones, and my main concern with this story is that Erotic Couplings might not be the best category for it. I suspect it would do a lot better with voters in the Non Consent/Reluctance category; even though Kate consents to the sex, I'd guess that the tenor of the story would appeal a lot more to the people looking for Non-Con stories than Erotic Couplings.

Hope that's helpful. Welcome, and good luck.

-Varian

 

[Andy69e]

Thanks man

Cheers Varian for the heads up on certain things.

I actually did post it as nonconsent/reluctance. But they must have changed it to Erotic Couplings.

Nevermind. I'm working on a new one now anyway. Not that good at it really, but its fun, hey?

Thanks again buddy.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Knickers, panties, underwear, lingerie, what the f***.

You write well, your editing is good but...

The Non-consent cat here is not meant to include rape.

What you have written is a date rape scenario with a bottle of vodka and a wasted girl. I'd be scared and that was what lost any erotic appeal for me.

But then, I like my rape fantasies consensual - if you know what I mean.