My first story, feedback please

[werdsmith]

This story seems to have gotten cut up and chopped slightly when it got posted, but I think you can still get the jist of it.

let me know what you think.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=272028

werd

 

[Jen24]

Good Stuff

I thought the story was good overall with some nice observations - I liked the way, for example, you took the time to tell us that the headrest to the couch was overstuffed - makes everything seem a little more real. I would have preferred the thing to have been just a little bit more leisurely. Towards the end, it all seemed rather rushed. I think, as well, you might have played up a sense of danger to enhance the eroticism. And I was a little unsure what Allison's role in the story was. If she's such an openminded wife, couldn't she have been a party to the debauchery that followed? I was half expecting her to re-enter the narrative at some point.

Anyhow - very promising first effort, I'll look out for future posts from you.

 

[werdsmith]

I'm working on some followups and prequels to this story. Allison is an airline stewardess who has some wild weekends of her own, with and without her hubby, and I think eventually everyone will get together, in one way or another.