My first stories.

[dreamyer]

Hi eveyone! I'm new to the Literotica scene and would like some more feedback on my two stories. Thanks so much!


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=441015

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=440835

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Bobbie Learns How.

Your first paragraph...

My husband's buddies have always had(Past Tense) wonderful things to say about me. Especially after a couple of cocktails. They are (Present Tense) always comparing their girlfriends to me in one way or another. This is (Present Tense) all good and fine when it's (Present Tense) just me and the boys, but some of them do it with their girlfriends sitting right there. Talk about embarrassing. I remember one particular evening when the subject of oral sex came up.

You are confusing tense in your verbs. You need to pick one tense and maintain it throughout the paragraph. You did that in the second paragraph.

The story over all is rather uninteresting - more of a stroke/jackoff thing than anything else. There is a market here on Lit for those too so doen't worry too much. I think the greatest thing that pops out is that this story is a single scene written (like thousands of others) as a poor rememberance of a personal experience. That's a detraction.