My first post - a question about you!

[english vicky]

Hello there

i have been reading this board on and off for well over a year, and thought it was time i made a contribution!

i am submissive, and often wonder if people can tell without being told? i also wonder how many people that are into this lifestyle have told family, or if they just worked it out for themselves?

also being the curious type that i am, i wondered if tendancy towards BDSM work through generations? are parents of submissives going to also be submissive for example? this question has been on my mind or quite a long time and i darn't mention it to my Mum in order to get an answer!!

Thanks for reading, and i look forward to many happy posts in the future

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Hello there

i have been reading this board on and off for well over a year, and thought it was time i made a contribution!

i am submissive, and often wonder if people can tell without being told? i also wonder how many people that are into this lifestyle have told family, or if they just worked it out for themselves?

also being the curious type that i am, i wondered if tendancy towards BDSM work through generations? are parents of submissives going to also be submissive for example? this question has been on my mind or quite a long time and i darn't mention it to my Mum in order to get an answer!!

Thanks for reading, and i look forward to many happy posts in the future

Welcome, and happy de-lurking *grin*. Interesting way to introduce yourself to the Community; I'm sure you'll get some interesting responses, and get to know a little about us in the process. Your first question is pretty interesting, all by itself. How does one "tell" if one is a submissive after all? Are we talking about the stereotypical meek, quiet, retiring and "eyes downcast" sort of chatroom submissive? In that case, I'll fail miserably, horribly, and completely. I imagine there are as many different "types" of submissives as there are submissives, and that's what makes hanging out here kind of fun. We all bring something quirky and cool and special to the discussion.

As to telling my family? Why? My private life is my own. I keep it private. I don't tell family, co-workers, and people who aren't in the lifestyle. I keep my life rather compartmentalized. That's what works for me.

That last question? I don't have a clue.

I'm sure by now, you've lurked your way past the Sticky and the Library; if not, do check them out, there's lots of great info there. If you have any questions or comments about the Library, feel free to PM me, and I'd be happy to help.

~anelize



I play welcome wagon every now and then as well....LOL

 

[Karen Kraft]

" also being the curious type that I am, I wondered if tendency towards BDSM work through generations? are parents of submissives going to also be submissive for example? this question has been on my mind or quite a long time and I darn't mention it to my Mum in order to get an answer!! "


====================

Yes, Vickie, it is an infliction that is genetically passed. Parents inherit it from their children. [sorry, I couldn't resist being 'cute']

I am no expert, having blessed this Earth with my presence a scant 19 years, 2 months. That having been said, however, I have made a few observations which may or may not be representative of those others have experienced. Caveats stated, here is my take on all this:

I don't thing that genetics is determinative with respect to various pleasure-inducing personal characteristics, any more than genetics may guide our personality and interests toward music, art, rod and gun club (inside joke).

What I have noticed is that people who, in their daily lives enjoy a high degree of self determination, those to whom the people they encounter professionally or advocationally look for guidance, control, leadership -- the people who spend the entire day telling others what to do and correcting improper behaviour (courtesy spelling) TEND to be those who enjoy playing a submissive role in the bedroom, [garage - carriage house?]; while those who have to take orders from others, and for whom professional or advocational decisions are few, tend to enjoy the "leadership" or dominant role during sex.

Right off the bat I can think of several exceptions to this observation but I suspect it still might be true in a substantial number of cases. But then, again, what do I know? Don't listen to me -- there are people on this board who know a whole lot about this than I do.

Keep posting, Vickie.

Read some of my stories and let me know what you think of them (cheap plug here)

Karen Kraft

 

[english vicky]

Thank you, to both of you. Very interesting responses...and very much appreciated.

I don't have much time to come here as much as some of you seem to, but still enjoy every minute here...and am very happy to de-lurk!

Oh just to let you know...i'm not the typical quiet shy submissive either! Well when i have to be quiet i have to be quiet, but other times i am simply myself!

At times i wonder though if people can tell from the little things, like when i am at my Mums house with my partner, and he pulls on my hair suprising me whilst she is in the room. it makes me jump then act all silly - i think she knows really. i just can't help but wonder if she has the same tendancies as me, it just isn't one of those things you can just...bring up!

Again, thank you both for the replies and views.

So very much appreciated.

Vicky

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

Personally my Father wasthe hardest,strongest man I have ever met, but he was the perfect Dad, I cannot imagine him being a dom in anyway we would think of him, only hard and unbreakable, myself I am a dom although I have no sadistic tendencies whatsoever, I love the Control that is I think my bag so to speak, hope I haven't rambled on too much

 

[Ms_Kat]

Genetic Domination

I don't put much stock in genetic determination of behavior, generally. I don't think my mom was ever a Domme, but I could be wrong. On the other hand, I have no problem if my two sons grow up submissive. Funny, it is much easier for me to picture my 8 year old growing up and having a sexual life than it is for me to do the same for my parents.

Anyway, I don't think anyone in our families really knows the extent to which I am dominant. As someone else pointed out, it's our private life, which means that it is private. Can they tell without us saying so outright? I don't know. If they can tell, then they have no problem with it. At least, not a big enough problem to bring up to us. I do have a couple of gf's that know. They're biggest reaction was a bit of jealously mixed with a good bit of arousal.


Hugs,


Kat

 

[NYCgirl26]

I always think it is interesting that (some not all) people spend a lot of time debating over wether to tell their parents about their kink (I know b/c I was one of them at one point). Then I came to the conclusion that if I had a vanilla relationship I would never tell my mother "Wow he is so good; touches me just right" so why would I ever say "Wow he made the greatest noises when I used the crop on him!"

OK I know that is a little tongue in cheek but honestly mom and dad just really don't need to know about my sex life whatever it's form IMHO.

Welcome to the Forum!

NYCgirl

 

[Karen Kraft]

Telling Mom About the Cuffs

I always think it is interesting that (some not all) people spend a lot of time debating over wether to tell their parents about their kink (I know b/c I was one of them at one point). Then I came to the conclusion that if I had a vanilla relationship I would never tell my mother "Wow he is so good; touches me just right" so why would I ever say "Wow he made the greatest noises when I used the crop on him!"

OK I know that is a little tongue in cheek but honestly mom and dad just really don't need to know about my sex life whatever it's form IMHO.

Welcome to the Forum!

NYCgirl

I would have NO PROBLEM telling my mom all about my BDSM, electroplay, and power exchange interests. She would simply say, "That's nice, dear," and have no idea what I was talking about.

 

[lark sparrow]

Hello there

i have been reading this board on and off for well over a year, and thought it was time i made a contribution!

i am submissive, and often wonder if people can tell without being told? i also wonder how many people that are into this lifestyle have told family, or if they just worked it out for themselves?

also being the curious type that i am, i wondered if tendancy towards BDSM work through generations? are parents of submissives going to also be submissive for example? this question has been on my mind or quite a long time and i darn't mention it to my Mum in order to get an answer!!

Thanks for reading, and i look forward to many happy posts in the future

I don't know if people who haven't been told can tell. There is the factor of gravity regardless of being open open about kink, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's clear for anyone to see.

I have told my family. To me it makes a difference. It's not the same as a straight vanilla relationship when I am in a lesbian BDSM relationship. There are standards. It was important to me, for many it is not.

 

[D's mariposa]

Welcome Vicky..

And now the answer to your question..

No one else in my immediate family is a kinkster, as far as I know so I'm going off just their personalities in questions.

Sperm Donor- mysoginistic self centered bastard with a D personality.

My mom, wonderful woman, was very submissive to the Sperm Donor, is passive aggressive D now.

My step dad, wonderful man, probably switchy, more sub in family matters.

My sister from the SD, um, if she ever emerges from the drug induced haze, I suspect that she would be D, if only to protect herself from people like the SD.

My adopted sister/who's really a cousin, never met the SD, she came with step dad, D like my mom.

and then there's me, happy little protocal subbie wench.

So nope, I don't think that subbieness or Domliness is genetic. While certain traits are inborn, I think that most of it comes from socialization.