My first Literotiica story

[Dragon Dreamer]

My first story is up, and I would appreciate any feedback I could get from the people here. A quick caveat, the story involves a mmf threesome, with m/m interaction, in case that is something you don't care for.


My First Story

 

[FriskyVagina]

I just started reading it and it's hard to get into the story, because I'm interrupted with reminders that it's just a story.

Before I continue on with the story, let me take a moment to describe myself. I'm just under 5'7, about 140lbs, I have brown eyes, with long black hair and a goatee. I'm currently 29, but at the time of this story, I was 26.

"Excuse me, but would your name be Adam?" Oh yeah, at least for the purposes of this story, that's my name.

 

[Dragon Dreamer]

Ok, I'll keep that in mind when it comes to future submissions. I'd seen it used in other work, and used it, even though I was uncomfortable with it, because I couldn't think of a better way to get the information across at the time.

 

[FriskyVagina]

I suppose it can work in a story. I just don't think you should suddenly stop your story to describe yourself. There are all kinds of other ways to let the reader know what you look like. In the story, you can check yourself out in the mirror after you get out of the shower. Or you can wonder what the other characters think about your long black hair, etc. Ohhh, long black hair!

 

[pepsigirl165]

I thought your story was good. Keep writing them.

 

[Dragon Dreamer]

I suppose it can work in a story. I just don't think you should suddenly stop your story to describe yourself. There are all kinds of other ways to let the reader know what you look like. In the story, you can check yourself out in the mirror after you get out of the shower. Or you can wonder what the other characters think about your long black hair, etc. Ohhh, long black hair!

You're absolutely right, it's what I should have done. I'm used to writing much longer pieces, and this was my first stab at erotica. Plus I've never done a first person viewpoint before. Thanks for the suggestions. : )


Oh and BTW, I still have the long black hair.

 

[Dragon Dreamer]

I thought your story was good. Keep writing them.

Thank you pepsigirl, I'm currently working on another one, something a bit darker, without the m/m element.

 

[pepsigirl165]

I thought your story was good. Keep writing them.