My First Experience. Are we on the right track?

SusanWetnWild

Experienced
Joined
Oct 6, 2005
Posts
69
In my previous thread I had mentioned that my bf had suggested that we try the sub/dom relationship for a while. I had agreed and we had our first session last night for about 4 hours.

I just wanted to know if we are doing things somewhat ok. Since most of you are well versed in these things, I just wanted your suggestions.

I am 18 1/2 and my bf is 21. We enacted the whole thing at our flat.

At 9 pm, we came to our bed room and I knelt down before him, and I started calling him Master and he started calling me slave. He gave me a small pendant, saying that it signified that I was his slave. We had some chat, with he sitting on the bed and I on the floor, and he said that I was his property and he owned me etc. I kept my head down and kept nodding to yes. Then he Kissed me all over my body. I was asked to be almost fully naked throughout. He cut out the middle portion of my bra and the middle portion of my panty so that the boobs and the pussy stood out. He took a lipstick and wrote all kinds of things like "fuck me" "owned by ..." etc. on various parts of my body. He asked me to touch him at various places, myself at various places, pulled at my boobs etc., and we played some sex games. Well, things continued in this vein, until around 1230 am. Then we Just had sex, and went to sleep.

I felt pretty happy about this incident, although I am yet to discuss it with my bf in detail.

Is this ok for a beginner? Are we on the right track? Any suggestions?
 
SusanWetnWild said:
In my previous thread I had mentioned that my bf had suggested that we try the sub/dom relationship for a while. I had agreed and we had our first session last night for about 4 hours.

I just wanted to know if we are doing things somewhat ok. Since most of you are well versed in these things, I just wanted your suggestions.

I am 18 1/2 and my bf is 21. We enacted the whole thing at our flat.

At 9 pm, we came to our bed room and I knelt down before him, and I started calling him Master and he started calling me slave. He gave me a small pendant, saying that it signified that I was his slave. We had some chat, with he sitting on the bed and I on the floor, and he said that I was his property and he owned me etc. I kept my head down and kept nodding to yes. Then he Kissed me all over my body. I was asked to be almost fully naked throughout. He cut out the middle portion of my bra and the middle portion of my panty so that the boobs and the pussy stood out. He took a lipstick and wrote all kinds of things like "fuck me" "owned by ..." etc. on various parts of my body. He asked me to touch him at various places, myself at various places, pulled at my boobs etc., and we played some sex games. Well, things continued in this vein, until around 1230 am. Then we Just had sex, and went to sleep.

I felt pretty happy about this incident, although I am yet to discuss it with my bf in detail.

Is this ok for a beginner? Are we on the right track? Any suggestions?


Hi SusanWetnWild,

In my opinion, It's not about being on the "right track." It's about did you and your boyfriend both enjoy it? Y'all do need to discuss together how you both felt.

Fury :rose:
 
Fury's right- one of the wonderful things about BDSM is you can invent your own "style." Worry less about doing it "right" in the eyes of outsiders. Concern yourself more with doing things in a way that meets both of your needs and interests. And keep communicating.

Y'all might consider studying up on BDSM a bit if you need ideas or a place to start things off. There are a lot of wonderful books on the subject that might help the flow of conversation as you're exploring. :)

(looking at her bookshelves and realizing that anyone who takes 5 minutes to browse will know exactly where her interests are... :rolleyes: )
 
SusanWetnWild said:
I felt pretty happy about this incident, although I am yet to discuss it with my bf in detail.

Is this ok for a beginner? Are we on the right track? Any suggestions?
There isn't really any "track" to be on. If you enjoyed it, and your boyfriend enjoyed it (ask him!), then you are doing things the "right" way. But there is no specific order to do things, no speed with which you should be jumping in with both feet, and no right or wrong as long as you are both enjoying yourselves.

My suggestion is that you talk with your boyfriend not only about what activities you liked or didn't like, but WHY you enjoyed or didn't enjoy them. What about your interaction felt good to you? How did it make you feel, and did you enjoy that feeling?

Talk about it, and have a good time. That's what it's all about. :)
 
Etoile said:
There isn't really any "track" to be on. If you enjoyed it, and your boyfriend enjoyed it (ask him!), then you are doing things the "right" way. But there is no specific order to do things, no speed with which you should be jumping in with both feet, and no right or wrong as long as you are both enjoying yourselves.

My suggestion is that you talk with your boyfriend not only about what activities you liked or didn't like, but WHY you enjoyed or didn't enjoy them. What about your interaction felt good to you? How did it make you feel, and did you enjoy that feeling?

Talk about it, and have a good time. That's what it's all about. :)

I understand what you have said, but one thing that I was just wondering about. I did most of my reading up on the subject on the internet, but I also talked to a close friend (a female friend, about 25) after our night out. She was wonderstruck and asked me to desist immediately. She said that it was the path to hell, and if I persisted, soon we may become "perverts" and my bf may want me to do all these things in public, and with others, and that it would very soon become an affair outside our bedroom. I think she may have a point there.

She also told me that once I started, there is no coming back and I would get sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex and do things that are more and more "depraved". I consider this friend a well wisher, but all this really leaves me totally confused.
 
SusanWetnWild said:
I understand what you have said, but one thing that I was just wondering about. I did most of my reading up on the subject on the internet, but I also talked to a close friend (a female friend, about 25) after our night out. She was wonderstruck and asked me to desist immediately. She said that it was the path to hell, and if I persisted, soon we may become "perverts" and my bf may want me to do all these things in public, and with others, and that it would very soon become an affair outside our bedroom. I think she may have a point there.

She also told me that once I started, there is no coming back and I would get sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex and do things that are more and more "depraved". I consider this friend a well wisher, but all this really leaves me totally confused.

First of all you really seem to keep bringing up ages. I'm not sure why that seems so important to you. I suspect you have questions that stem from your ages.

As far as I can tell age has nothing to do with this. You are over the age of consent and so is your boyfriend.

Second your friend probably means well but some people do not understand and can't accept anything outside vanilla sex play.

Will what you are doing lead to public play and more "depraved" things? It could. It shouldn't unless you want it to. You can always say, no, I'm not comfortable with that. Even if you take on being "his" sub or slave or whatever you want to call it.

On the other hand at some point and time you may indeed find you are interested in some of those things and that is okay too.

Fury :rose:
 
Ya know there are people who understand the decisions consenting adults make and there are people who don't. :)

Your friend may feel she has your best interests at heart, but that doesn't mean she is the best person to discuss such things with. One of the down sides to the "Lifestyle" is that you may find you need to be very cautious about discussing your sex life. Not everyone will understand that you can chose to have a "kinky" sex life and not burn in Hell or wander down some horrible path leading to every imaginable bit of unpleasantness possible. (the bad kind; not the good kind).

Is your boyfriend non-monogomous? Are you non-monogomous? If the answer is no then odds are a bit of BDSM won't suddenly make either of you non-monogomous.

If your friend feels you are on the "pervert" path then she might be as well... afterall sex is about reproduction not intimacy (in all its many forms) or pleasure or anything else. :rolleyes: Your sex life is for YOU. Who gives a flying flip if someone else is of the opinion that anything other than missionary sex, whilst married, during the time of the month most likely to end in reproduction is the "unperverted" way of doing things?

Enjoying sex does not mean you are not in control of yourself. You have every right to refuse to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Just because *some* people in BDSM go as far as cutting/watersports/breathplay/public scenes/scat/pony play/exhibitionism/etc does not mean that YOU will do those things.

"Perverts" are capable of integrity, respect, communication and restariant too ya know. ;)

(BTW I'm 33 1/2. My advice trumps her advice by 8 1/2 years. Plus I'm a mom. I win. :D)
 
SusanWetnWild said:
She also told me that once I started, there is no coming back and I would get sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex and do things that are more and more "depraved".
:nana: Cool :nana: I tried the vortex once but I got too dizzy :D

Did she mention anything about fire and brimstone while she was at it?

Lets look at this logically... Your friend has never heard about this before... yet 2 minutes later she's a complete expert in all the nasty consiquences of dabbling in BDSM... ô¿o Paging Dr. Frued...

Not to steriotype, but does your friend happen to be a southern baptist?

Isn't it funny how the people who are the most ignorant consider themselves to be the most knowlegeable?

As to whether or not it leads to pervertedness... well my dear, you asked people on a sexually oriented board for sexually oriented advice on a sexually oriented topic... You might be a bit far gone in that department. ::shrugs:: join the club

BDSM in public and with other people? Well yah, I'm not going to lie to you, some people do it. Just as some people have sex on thier roof's for the thrill of getting caught by a news helicopter. Just as some people do swinging. How would you have reacted if your friend said "OMG You had sex?! Just you wait, soon he'll be asking you to do it in public and with other people and you'll both become perverts and become damned to hell with fire and brimstone"? God, brings up a mental image of my mom ::shudders::. Those things happen in BDSM, as do they in "Normal" sex as well, probabley with the same frequency, although i don't think anyone has done a formal study on it.

Yick, people are annoying sometimes aren't they?
 
CutieMouse said:
"Perverts" are capable of integrity, respect, communication and restariant too ya know. ;)

Can you gimme a Hallelujah?!
 
HawkEye38 said:
Can you gimme a Hallelujah?!

Hallelujah! BE HEALED! Amen Broth...


Oops... had a Southern Baptist flashback from High School. Sorry.

(Back to reality and old dead dudes who wrote commentary on Virgil. :rolleyes: )
 
CutieMouse said:
Hallelujah! BE HEALED! Amen Broth...


Oops... had a Southern Baptist flashback from High School. Sorry.

lol, I am so going to be hit with a lightning bolt :eek:

CutieMouse said:
(Back to reality and old dead dudes who wrote commentary on Virgil. :rolleyes: )

Whowhatwoah? :confused: oh nevermind, I'm probabley just too young
 
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On an offhand note, before I hit the sack... I thought people like that were extinct in san fran
 
HawkEye38 said:
Whowhatwoah? :confused: oh nevermind, I'm probabley just too young


(I do freelance cataloguing for a rare book dealer. I'm working on expository for a 1499 edition of Virgil's Opera due by tomorrow afternoon; hence, getting friendly with 1/2 a dozen old dead guys who all had opinions on Virgil and wrote their ideas down in this book. Don't be confused... it's only kinky if you have a book fetish. ;) )
 
SusanWetnWild said:
I understand what you have said, but one thing that I was just wondering about. I did most of my reading up on the subject on the internet, but I also talked to a close friend (a female friend, about 25) after our night out. She was wonderstruck and asked me to desist immediately. She said that it was the path to hell, and if I persisted, soon we may become "perverts" and my bf may want me to do all these things in public, and with others, and that it would very soon become an affair outside our bedroom. I think she may have a point there.

She also told me that once I started, there is no coming back and I would get sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex and do things that are more and more "depraved". I consider this friend a well wisher, but all this really leaves me totally confused.

With any activity in life which involves pleasure, there is always a chance or risk of it becoming addictive or lead to compulsive behavior. As human beings we experience tings which are pleasureful and the natural tendency is want more. If you continue down this path you have chosen, you will continue to experience many different kinds of things. Some things you will like alot and some you won't.

Telling you like it is...once you cross certain lines, it very hard if not impossible to go back. Not because you can chose to go back, but often because you no longer want to. There are threads on the board here that even deal with people expressing how they got into this lifestyle and now cannot ever imagine going back.

IMO you should stop. Stop and consider what you are doing and where it can lead to. If your not mature enough to make the decision of accepting the possible life changing risks, then you are certainly not mature enough to handle the consequences which are surely coming should you continue.

the scene you describe above in your original post with your boyfreind sounds like you both enjoyed a bit of roleplay for about four hours and had some fun. He played the Dominant master and you played the submissive slave. Giving you a peice of jewelry, writing on your body you are his property and calling you his slave doesn't it make it so, unless in your mind and heart you see this man truely as your Master and are willing to surrendure yourself to him.

Acting out submission and actualy submitting can be two very different things. If you both are enjoying the kink and sexual aspects of this then go have fun and enjoy. The problem though is that at some time in the future, one of you might decide that you are no longer playing and then where will you both be?

If I were you I would begin asking to what degree does your bf really want to take this. Is this just something that will remain in the bedroom between you two to spice up your sex life, or does he actually take this very seriously and expect every area of the life you share begin to take on overtones of Dominance and submission. I would also suggest you figure out for yourself how serious you want this to be in your life.

Now is the time to stop or proceed. As I posted in your other post, what you are doing can and will have "life-changing" consequences. If you are not sure or mature enough to accept the risks, then you should take the time needed to be able to know your own mind, heart and body better.

Some people Dom like some men have sex. Afterwards they roll over and go to sleep thinking they are some kind of sex god and that was the best ever, mean while the woman lays there thinking, is that it?

Start communicating with your bf and pay attention to whether he is listening to you or not. You have concerns, questions, fears etc... and he should be the one addressing these with you. You should be asking him, if you feel we are on the right track? Any Dom worth his salt should recognise a question like that for what it means.
 
SusanWetnWild said:
I understand what you have said, but one thing that I was just wondering about. I did most of my reading up on the subject on the internet, but I also talked to a close friend (a female friend, about 25) after our night out. She was wonderstruck and asked me to desist immediately. She said that it was the path to hell, and if I persisted, soon we may become "perverts" and my bf may want me to do all these things in public, and with others, and that it would very soon become an affair outside our bedroom. I think she may have a point there.

She also told me that once I started, there is no coming back and I would get sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex and do things that are more and more "depraved". I consider this friend a well wisher, but all this really leaves me totally confused.

Um, question: How would she know? :confused: Sounds like she's talking a lot about things she knows nothing about. And if she does know - how does she know?
 
FurryFury said:
First of all you really seem to keep bringing up ages. I'm not sure why that seems so important to you. I suspect you have questions that stem from your ages.

As far as I can tell age has nothing to do with this. You are over the age of consent and so is your boyfriend.

Second your friend probably means well but some people do not understand and can't accept anything outside vanilla sex play.

Will what you are doing lead to public play and more "depraved" things? It could. It shouldn't unless you want it to. You can always say, no, I'm not comfortable with that. Even if you take on being "his" sub or slave or whatever you want to call it.

On the other hand at some point and time you may indeed find you are interested in some of those things and that is okay too.

Fury :rose:


I brought up the point of age so that you could understand things in context, as we hardly know each other. Sorry if it bugged you.

I had a chat with my bf since the previous post. He was very clear, lucid, and frank. He said that we cant prejudge where it would lead us. There was only one guarantee and that is that nothing that made either or both of us uncomfortable would ever be done. He said that if at a later date we begin to enjoy and crave for a behavior that we may today consider say, " depraved" what would we do? If both of us were comfortable, only then would we indulge in it.

I guess, this changes things to some extent, adding another perspective to the advice of my friend, and it would be for us to judge as to what we wanna do.
 
CutieMouse said:
Your friend may feel she has your best interests at heart, but that doesn't mean she is the best person to discuss such things with. One of the down sides to the "Lifestyle" is that you may find you need to be very cautious about discussing your sex life. Not everyone will understand that you can chose to have a "kinky" sex life and not burn in Hell or wander down some horrible path leading to every imaginable bit of unpleasantness possible. (the bad kind; not the good kind).

I agree with you. I guess I need to be extremely cautious. My bf told me the same too when I told him about the advice of this friend. I guess its the ingrained catholicism.

CutieMouse said:
Is your boyfriend non-monogomous? Are you non-monogomous? If the answer is no then odds are a bit of BDSM won't suddenly make either of you non-monogomous.

Ofcourse both of us are monogamous. I do see your point here.

CutieMouse said:
Enjoying sex does not mean you are not in control of yourself. You have every right to refuse to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Just because *some* people in BDSM go as far as cutting/watersports/breathplay/public scenes/scat/pony play/exhibitionism/etc does not mean that YOU will do those things.

Thats what my bf told me too. I feel the same way too.

Thanks so very much for your inputs.
 
HawkEye38 said:
:nana: Cool :nana: I tried the vortex once but I got too dizzy :D

Did she mention anything about fire and brimstone while she was at it?

Lets look at this logically... Your friend has never heard about this before... yet 2 minutes later she's a complete expert in all the nasty consiquences of dabbling in BDSM... ô¿o Paging Dr. Frued...

Not to steriotype, but does your friend happen to be a southern baptist?

Isn't it funny how the people who are the most ignorant consider themselves to be the most knowlegeable?

As to whether or not it leads to pervertedness... well my dear, you asked people on a sexually oriented board for sexually oriented advice on a sexually oriented topic... You might be a bit far gone in that department. ::shrugs:: join the club

BDSM in public and with other people? Well yah, I'm not going to lie to you, some people do it. Just as some people have sex on thier roof's for the thrill of getting caught by a news helicopter. Just as some people do swinging. How would you have reacted if your friend said "OMG You had sex?! Just you wait, soon he'll be asking you to do it in public and with other people and you'll both become perverts and become damned to hell with fire and brimstone"? God, brings up a mental image of my mom ::shudders::. Those things happen in BDSM, as do they in "Normal" sex as well, probabley with the same frequency, although i don't think anyone has done a formal study on it.

Yick, people are annoying sometimes aren't they?


I fully agree with you. I guess its ultimately upto us as to what we wanna make of it. Any activity can possibly be called perverted. Its just something that we would have to sort out inside of ourselves. Reminds me of a friend who works at a nightclub as a dancer. The first few days she said she felt like she were in hell. Now she says she cant live without all that attention. Not comparing events or lifestyles, but just that we ourselves may react to the same situation differently at different times.
 
graceanne said:
Um, question: How would she know? :confused: Sounds like she's talking a lot about things she knows nothing about. And if she does know - how does she know?

I do respect this friend and I am sure she has my best interests at heart. But occasionally, one can be somewhat less than fully knowledgeable. I and my bf felt the same way.
 
You didn't really bother me with the age thing, I just wondered if there were more questions in your mind that had to do with your ages since you kept bringing it up. I sort of felt there was something there that wasn't being said that's all.

I'm glad you've gotten to have some talks with your bf now, that must help a lot in all this.

Fury :rose:
 
RJMasters said:
With any activity in life which involves pleasure, there is always a chance or risk of it becoming addictive or lead to compulsive behavior. As human beings we experience tings which are pleasureful and the natural tendency is want more. If you continue down this path you have chosen, you will continue to experience many different kinds of things. Some things you will like alot and some you won't.

You are very right. Fully with you here.

RJMasters said:
Telling you like it is...once you cross certain lines, it very hard if not impossible to go back. Not because you can chose to go back, but often because you no longer want to. There are threads on the board here that even deal with people expressing how they got into this lifestyle and now cannot ever imagine going back.

This is what was bugging me. But my bf told me that we will do something only if both of us are very clear that we wanna do it. This is I think taken care of then.

RJMasters said:
IMO you should stop. Stop and consider what you are doing and where it can lead to. If your not mature enough to make the decision of accepting the possible life changing risks, then you are certainly not mature enough to handle the consequences which are surely coming should you continue.

I think that this whole thing only has an impact on ones sex life and other aspects remain the same. So, while life changing in some ways, it cant really lead to any sort of brakdown of faculties.

Both of us did enjoy what we did, but at this point in time I think neither of us is very sure as to how far we wanna take it. I have read stores of torture and public humiliation etc. At this point in time these things are a strict no no. What tomorrow brings, its impossible to say. Thats what my bf said too. We are just beginners. Just to be told that I was a slave and that my body existed for the pleasure of my master was very arousing for me. As I can see, both of us are doing it to add spice to our sex life. Where it would eventually take us is very difficult to say. Lets see.
 
SusanWetnWild said:
I think that this whole thing only has an impact on ones sex life and other aspects remain the same. So, while life changing in some ways, it cant really lead to any sort of brakdown of faculties.

You keep thinking that, see ya in 6 months or so.


Both of us did enjoy what we did, but at this point in time I think neither of us is very sure as to how far we wanna take it. I have read stores of torture and public humiliation etc. At this point in time these things are a strict no no. What tomorrow brings, its impossible to say. Thats what my bf said too. We are just beginners. Just to be told that I was a slave and that my body existed for the pleasure of my master was very arousing for me. As I can see, both of us are doing it to add spice to our sex life. Where it would eventually take us is very difficult to say. Lets see.

I am glad you both enjoyed it. You seem to state you are mature enough to accept the risks. Seems your bf is committed to walking the path with you. Your right in that no one can know what the future may hold, I am glad to know that you two are comitted to facing whatever together. Good luck. :) And I am glad you are talking and communicating with your bf.
 
RJMasters said:
I am glad you both enjoyed it. You seem to state you are mature enough to accept the risks. Seems your bf is committed to walking the path with you. Your right in that no one can know what the future may hold, I am glad to know that you two are comitted to facing whatever together. Good luck. :) And I am glad you are talking and communicating with your bf.

Thanks for your encouraging words. I guess that as we explore things together we shall learn our limits and whether or not we wanna go beyond them. If we do it together with great respect for each others limits, I am sure the journey shall be a pleasant one. But some aspects like BDSM parties where the slave is publicly humiliated or "used" in various ways including sexual ways, I think mostly belongs to the realm of fiction. Am I right here? Plus as I could understand the whole thing is only a sexual aspect that one is exploring. Could a mishap really result in the breakdown of other faculties? I would think its highly unlikely.
 
I think so long as you're both adults, and both in posession of full mental faculties, that you'll be more than capable of discerning what is 'too much' for you, and what you're comfortable with.

If it never progresses beyond the realm of roleplay sessions in the bedroom, with a little bit of dirty talk and kneeling, but that makes you -happy-, then that is what makes you happy, and you are not depraved, or perverted, or sick for it.

At least no more so than the rest of us, and if that means you're going to hell, well, at least you'll have company. I'm bringing s'mores! :D

IF, however, it does grow into more than that, just be sure at each step that you're okay with it. Be communicative and open with each other, and you'll do just fine.

(Psst... wanna bring hot dogs to roast? *grin*)
 
SusanWetnWild said:
Thanks for your encouraging words. I guess that as we explore things together we shall learn our limits and whether or not we wanna go beyond them. If we do it together with great respect for each others limits, I am sure the journey shall be a pleasant one. But some aspects like BDSM parties where the slave is publicly humiliated or "used" in various ways including sexual ways, I think mostly belongs to the realm of fiction. Am I right here? Plus as I could understand the whole thing is only a sexual aspect that one is exploring. Could a mishap really result in the breakdown of other faculties? I would think its highly unlikely.

No, honey- for some people public dungeons, humiliation, slave sharing, etc is part of this Lifestyle. It isn't fiction or simple fantasy. For some people BDSM is fun sex; for others it is a 24/7 Life. Catalina, OwnedSubGirl and Sinnocent come to mind almost instantly.

Know yourselves. Keep communicating. If you both know you are in the kinky sex frame of mind then it shouldn't necessarily make this gigantic shift in the rest of your universe, but also be aware that BDSM can be quite serious for some people.

BTW age doesn't give perspective nor does it provide context. People are people; adults are equals; even a 80 year old can find something to learn from a 20 year old. :)
 
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