My first ever attempt at erotic fiction - feedback wanted!

[s0m30n3]

So my first ever attempt to write anything like this has just been approved:
http://www.literotica.com/s/miss-aphrodite
It's a teacher/ student story, and I'd love to get feedback to know what I got right or wrong with it.
For my own part, I think it took too long to get to the sex and I have a tendency to overuse 'cock' and 'pussy', so I need to find some new synonyms there maybe.
What are everyone's thoughts?
So pleased it got approved!

 

[sr71plt]

I don't read stories this long unless they really grip me, which yours doesn't--personally.

That said, it's well written (I read the first page), you get to sex (sex being more than fucking) quite soon enough (sort of too soon for me for believability--story isn't what you seem to be going for here), and I think there will be a good audience for this here. The writing is good and the images for the audience you probably will get are very good.

For me, it's shallow and sounds young (by and for those who think with their dicks) and jumps into the juvenile fantasy too quickly to be believable as a serious story--especially one that's going to go on for four pages.

But I think it's very good as a first effort and that you have a reading audience here for it. So, I certainly recommend it for those who are looking for what I've noted.

 

[RuzieD]

I've read the first section. I haven't finished it yet (running to work atm the moment);

I like the opening premise. You have very good description of the main-lust-object. The sexual pacing seems good so far.

My first impressions is that this a good quick and dirty porn story. Nothing wrong with that. Is it believable? I tend to agree with the above poster on that one.

 

[RuzieD]

Finished the story. It was good, very physical, very porn-ish story. A good submission, especially for the first.

That said. I have no idea who these characters are, why they're fucking, and what they feel about this fucking. Also, not enough talk. I like talk in sex.

 

[hylas_]

I also read only the first page for now.
I enjoyed it, it's very well written.
The description of the teacher is perhaps a little over the top.
Perhaps, a little less would have been more.
Also, lampshading the "porn clichés" doesn't erase them. Better to just own them.
But those are minor things. It's well written, and I'll finish the story some other time.

 

[Adrian69702006]

It was very well written and descriptive. However I would concur with the view that sometimes less is more and it's useful to leave a certain amount to people's imaginations.