My first attempt

[richard_daily]

So please take it a bit easy on me. Constructive criticism however, would be appreciated.

I have some longer pieces that I'm working on getting in order (I'm a horrible speller).

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=276691

 

[richard_daily]

Any comments would be appreciated.

 

[Nutting_Honey]

I'm sorry no one else has responded to you. I know I'm just a little virgin around here but...I loved how you got straight to the "meat" ;P of your story. Most of the stories I've read so far are verrry slow for me. I hate a lot of commentary when it comes to erotica and the short sweetness of your story also added to my delight. This is also the first time I've bothered to leave a comment. I will go back and give you a high score, something else I've never done before. Keep up the good work.

 

[richard_daily]

Thank you very much for the kind words. I wasn't sure if foregoing "setting the mood" and putting it right in the middle of the action was going to add or detract from the story. Letting the reader fill in the blanks (or not if they so choose). I'll definitely keep your comment in mind while finishing up the one I'm working on now.

 

[SweetErika]

So please take it a bit easy on me. Constructive criticism however, would be appreciated.

I have some longer pieces that I'm working on getting in order (I'm a horrible speller).

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=276691

It's a good, creative short.

However, since you bring up the horrible spelling, I have to say that killed it for me. If you can't be bothered to capitalize sentences and get someone to edit when you know you're not a good speller (hell, even if your spelling and grammar are superb, we all miss some of our errors and need someone to proofread for us), I have trouble being bothered to read it.

I bet if you post in the Editor's Forum and find someone to help with the technical issues, it'll raise reader enjoyment and your score significantly on this and future stories.

 

[richard_daily]

Erika,
thank you for the honest opinion. I only found one mistake as far as capitalization, but I appreciate your candidness. I will take your advice and look for willing and able editors. I got spoiled dating an editorial manager for 3 years...

 

[Lee Chambers]

I agree with Erika about the spelling and grammar. Finding someone to help you edit your stories will definitely make them more readable and enjoyable.

Another problem I had was the book the main character was reading. The text didn't really make any sense and I felt it was completely unnecessary for you to voice what was on the page. Instead, you should have given a general description of what the passage was about.

The Devil is in the details, so you should try and be more descriptive with your sex scenes. Describe what your character is feeling physically and mentally, get more into detail about what the characters are doing and how they're doing it. Is she sucking him slowly, quickly, is she alternating between the two? Is she using her hands or just her mouth? Are her teeth grazing his cock or is it all lips and tongue? Paint the picture of sex with words.

I hope this helps and I hope you keep writing.

 

[richard_daily]

I agree with Erika about the spelling and grammar. Finding someone to help you edit your stories will definitely make them more readable and enjoyable.

Another problem I had was the book the main character was reading. The text didn't really make any sense and I felt it was completely unnecessary for you to voice what was on the page. Instead, you should have given a general description of what the passage was about.

The Devil is in the details, so you should try and be more descriptive with your sex scenes. Describe what your character is feeling physically and mentally, get more into detail about what the characters are doing and how they're doing it. Is she sucking him slowly, quickly, is she alternating between the two? Is she using her hands or just her mouth? Are her teeth grazing his cock or is it all lips and tongue? Paint the picture of sex with words.

I hope this helps and I hope you keep writing.

I have to politely disagree about the passages not having any meaning. I think they add quite a bit to the story personally, but I appreciate your comments.

I'll definitely look at adding more details to the sex scenes though. thanks for the input.