My current BDSM situation.

[KLCK]

Hello! This is my first post! :3

I am young, recently having turned 18 and I can see myself being in a switch relationship OR a relationship were I am a full time Dom (I will only talk about my Dom side for now and will get into my subby side at another time). I am also a virgin and have yet to ever get into a real relationship with a girl. Its because I am rather shy and a bit indecisive at times. I am also what you would call (gasp!) a nice guy, meaning I don't enjoy badassery and am a bit of a goody-two-shoe's when it comes to crime or making enemies.

Now I have yet to experience any BDSM acts, but I have a interest in many many different scenes and want to try them all out! In fact, here is a short list of things I am interested in:

Puppy play
Kitten play
Dress up
Specialized custom ceremonies
Collaring
Spanking
Flogging
Writing on the body
Cock worship
Leaving orders for her to follow
Making her wear a butt plug
Letting my lesbian or bi-sexual female friends borrow her
Anal to oral
Vaginal to oral
Paddling
Whipping
Anal training
Rimming her
Blindfolds
Nipple play (with her nipples, not mine lol)
Finger sucking
Foot fetish stuff
Humiliation (alone or in front of a single close friend at the most)
Rope play
Full slavery
A LITTLE BIT of watersports
Multiple slaves (well THATS ideal)
Squirting (Also a bit idealistic)
Massaging
Ownership tattoo's/piercings
Dealing with sub-drop and helping her through it

Ok now that you have glanced through my enormous list of (potential) fetishes that I am interested in, I have a bit more to add. For starters I love to write a bit, usually in online RP form and stories, but I also would like to leave little love letters and orders for her around my home for her to find. I just like th idea of her finding something while I was at work and having something to look for every week or so. I also think that if I get close and open up to a girl I could really be a good dom and (depending on your definition) be a bit of a badass which girls seem to love for some reason. While I am a pervy boy, I do also love romance and am ultimately looking for a women who I can love and marry. Kids are still a bit of a question, I kinda want them but I want them while I am older (maybe late 30's). I am also interested in casual relationships.

So am I too young to be thinking of all these things? Am I just a twit with a romantic image of sex and BDSM? I was actually thinking of finding a gentle mistress/switch who is willing to sort of teach me...is this a good idea instead of diving into getting a Dom relationship right away?

I currently have a girl "lined up". She is four years older than me and is submissive. She wants to fly or drive out to my city and visit me for sex/romance. Its going to be fun!

Finally, I shall review my pro's and con's when it comes to my sex (and BDSM) life.

Pro's:
-I am not un-attractive. I am 5'11 with dirty blond hair and I weigh around 165 but I could work out more.
-I live in Las Vegas...which is plenty open to BDSM.

Con's:
-I am still a virgin and have never had a serious relationship (making me in-experienced)
-I am shy and may not come across as a real Dom.
-I am young and new to the whole BDSM scene, meaning I don't know anybody yet. Nobody would know me at a maulch (sp?).
-I can get clingy...

So there you have it. I am new and I need help with finding myself when it comes to BDSM.

I would also like to add, for the record, that I am straight.

 

[Primalex]

I suggest you set this as first goal:

- Getting a hard-on the first time you are with a girl.


When you've reached this one, come back.

 

[twysted73]

I suggest you set this as first goal:

- Getting a hard-on the first time you are with a girl.


When you've reached this one, come back.

KLCK..look at his icon image, go from there.

As for your choices, they are interesting and have primarily Dominant themes to them.
Not all D/s has sex. You can beat and never fuck. I don't penetrate everyone I play with.

My advice to you: Find a local munch group. Being in Vegas I'm sure they're about as plentiful as are Starbucks in Seattle.
Find the right group for you. Talk with other Dominants. Find out what drives them. Learn from them. (we ARE a community after all)
Read Jay Weissman's "BDSM 101". Then, for added insight, pick up a copy of "Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of Female Submission".

I would think it's always helpful to know just WHY they like what you do to them. And since I can't advance your age by 10 years, you'll just have to check Amazon.com for a little insight.

There...that should get you off to a good start.

Know what you're doing, know what you want and know how to achieve it before placing crop-one to any submissive's eager flesh. You owe both of you that much.

 

[KLCK]

KLCK..look at his icon image, go from there.

Thats EXACTLY what I thought when I saw it lol.

As for your choices, they are interesting and have primarily Dominant themes to them.
Not all D/s has sex. You can beat and never fuck. I don't penetrate everyone I play with.

Thanks! I probably should have mentioned penetration because I just kinda thought it was a standard part of sex. But now I remember that BDSM doesn't always need penetration. For me and my slave there would be a LOT of penetration lol. I also kinda enjoy the idea of "making it up" to her in a way by doing a dominant but kind and gentle act to her. Maybe administering a bath and washing her or playing dress up.

My advice to you: Find a local munch group. Being in Vegas I'm sure they're about as plentiful as are Starbucks in Seattle.
Find the right group for you. Talk with other Dominants. Find out what drives them. Learn from them. (we ARE a community after all)

I have been thinking about that but don't even know were to start. I guess I could check google or (*cringe*) myspace. I am just worried that things will be too crazy for me, I want to sort of ease into it.

Read Jay Weissman's "BDSM 101". Then, for added insight, pick up a copy of "Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of Female Submission".

I would think it's always helpful to know just WHY they like what you do to them. And since I can't advance your age by 10 years, you'll just have to check Amazon.com for a little insight.

Ok I will check up on those! The second book sounds interesting.

Know what you're doing, know what you want and know how to achieve it before placing crop-one to any submissive's eager flesh. You owe both of you that much.

Oh I am extremely cautious in my approach. I always look for unforeseen consequences like writing on a girl with the proper ink. I believe experimentation is a good way to find what I want.

My favorite safety word is "Turtle". (The more you know!)

 

[Primalex]

For me and my slave there would be a LOT of penetration lol.

For you and your slave? Hello, reality patrol, anyone in there still sane? You don't even have a plain girl, let alone a slave. You didn't even get a girl to do you so far. Most likely you didn't even kiss a girl yet.

If you continue your trip into your fantasy world, it will have no good end, not for you and for sure not for your girl you might one day meet. You have no clue what you like, your only clue is that you like sex and want it a lot. You are Dom, maybe a Sub, maybe a switch, a bit shy and indecisive, but multiple slaves would be ideal.. yeah, right.

You are the prototype of the horny net geek, who can't get laid and then reads a lot of stuff about BDSM because in your mind it's the best way to get a girl without dealing with your real problems - that is, if she is dumb enough to not see through your facade, you start to build now. You want a slave because it makes your wanna-be sex life easier. This is not what BDSM is about.

Be honest to yourself, go to the HowTo, ask how to get a girl laid and how to deal with your hormone overload. Then, in 5 years, you can come back and then.. maybe then.. it makes sense to discuss the details about BDSM.

 

[KLCK]

You may have thought that was a absolutely life changing speech you just made but you just came across as any other excitable twit I have had to deal with. I usually get this kind of speech when posting my idea's/fantasies, its recycled.

I was asking for opinions and advice on entering the BDSM scene, I even emphasized that I wanted to go slow and see what I like, trying things and deciding what fetishes I truly did want and which ones I would not care for. I did not ask for a speech on how I MUST be some sort of geek with too many hormones or how I MUST be some wanna-be who thinks he can get into your elite sexual scene. You even lowered yourself to petty insults.

Its ok though. I have dealt with my fare share of forumers who wish to protect there valuable interest from those petty outsiders who are only here to invade and degrade its luminous (holy shit huge word!) glory.

Please kindly GTFO and stop flame baiting. Yes, your flame baiting. No, your not providing sage advice.

 

[FurryFury]

A local munch is usually just meeting for coffee or food. It's just like any other meeting. No one should be dressed in fetish gear. Often they don't even talk about that stuff. It's a low key way to find out about the local scene and possibly get an invitation to it.

Google up Pansexual, BDSM or Kink groups in your area.

I know it seems scary cause you will be meeting new people but trust me, I've been there and done it. It will be fine. Just be yourself and say hello.

 

[KLCK]

A local munch is usually just meeting for coffee or food. It's just like any other meeting. No one should be dressed in fetish gear. Often they don't even talk about that stuff. It's a low key way to find out about the local scene and possibly get an invitation to it.

Google up Pansexual, BDSM or Kink groups in your area.

I know it seems scary cause you will be meeting new people but trust me, I've been there and done it. It will be fine. Just be yourself and say hello.

Lol I was picturing a gay pride/fetish parade! Then again I wasn't going to show up wearing leather.

I don't even like leather anyway. Hmph!

Yeah I will probably try to meet up with someone and ease into things nice and slow. Probably start by just making some simple friends first just so I have references.

 

[FurryFury]

I love leather! I love Gay Pride parades too!

*le sigh*

But anyway, Munches tend to be low key.

 

[KLCK]

Pretty interesting. How large do they tend to be? Ten people? Twenty?

How do outsiders usualyl fare? Are they welmcomed or do they just kinda slip into the groove? *trillion questions*

 

[FurryFury]

Pretty interesting. How large do they tend to be? Ten people? Twenty?

How do outsiders usualyl fare? Are they welmcomed or do they just kinda slip into the groove? *trillion questions*

The one's I've been to were pretty small. Say, 10 or fewer people most of the time.

Yes, newbies are very welcome. You always need new members in any group to keep it going.

 

[catalina_francisco]

If you continue your trip into your fantasy world, it will have no good end, not for you and for sure not for your girl you might one day meet. You have no clue what you like, your only clue is that you like sex and want it a lot. You are Dom, maybe a Sub, maybe a switch, a bit shy and indecisive, but multiple slaves would be ideal.. yeah, right.

You are the prototype of the horny net geek, who can't get laid and then reads a lot of stuff about BDSM because in your mind it's the best way to get a girl without dealing with your real problems - that is, if she is dumb enough to not see through your facade, you start to build now. You want a slave because it makes your wanna-be sex life easier. This is not what BDSM is about.

Good post and advice for the most part. KLCK, it isn't sensible to ask for advice then piss on someone when they don't say what you wanted them to....if that is what you want, don't ask, just tell us what we are expected to say and we will gladly leave you alone...it also is wise to get to know people and not just take the word of the first person who comes along to put down the authenticity of another. Twysted might not like Primalex or respect what he says, but Primalex happens to be spot on often, just he doesn't always dress it up and tie it with pretty ribbons which sometimes upsets some people who prefer things sugar coated and candy castle decorated. If you are serious about wanting advice, value it when given, take from it what might work for you, and feel free to continue the discussion and you will find more people willing to accept and help you in whatever way they can.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

For you and your slave? Hello, reality patrol, anyone in there still sane? You don't even have a plain girl, let alone a slave. You didn't even get a girl to do you so far. Most likely you didn't even kiss a girl yet.

If you continue your trip into your fantasy world, it will have no good end, not for you and for sure not for your girl you might one day meet. You have no clue what you like, your only clue is that you like sex and want it a lot. You are Dom, maybe a Sub, maybe a switch, a bit shy and indecisive, but multiple slaves would be ideal.. yeah, right.

You are the prototype of the horny net geek, who can't get laid and then reads a lot of stuff about BDSM because in your mind it's the best way to get a girl without dealing with your real problems - that is, if she is dumb enough to not see through your facade, you start to build now. You want a slave because it makes your wanna-be sex life easier. This is not what BDSM is about.

Be honest to yourself, go to the HowTo, ask how to get a girl laid and how to deal with your hormone overload. Then, in 5 years, you can come back and then.. maybe then.. it makes sense to discuss the details about BDSM.

Oddly enough I agree with Primalex. Not everything he said by any means..but the basic idea of it. If you've never had sex yet, or a relationship, I would say you are by far not ready to Dom someone. Take your time, educate yourself.

 

[BiBunny]

Oddly enough I agree with Primalex. Not everything he said by any means..but the basic idea of it. If you've never had sex yet, or a relationship, I would say you are by far not ready to Dom someone. Take your time, educate yourself.

I agree. Vanilla relationships are hard enough. Kinky ones are even worse. The only teacher you can get in this case is experience. Leaping headlong from the frying pan into the fire is a bad fucking idea.

 

[KLCK]

Good post and advice for the most part. KLCK, it isn't sensible to ask for advice then piss on someone when they don't say what you wanted them to....if that is what you want, don't ask, just tell us what we are expected to say and we will gladly leave you alone...it also is wise to get to know people and not just take the word of the first person who comes along to put down the authenticity of another. Twysted might not like Primalex or respect what he says, but Primalex happens to be spot on often, just he doesn't always dress it up and tie it with pretty ribbons which sometimes upsets some people who prefer things sugar coated and candy castle decorated. If you are serious about wanting advice, value it when given, take from it what might work for you, and feel free to continue the discussion and you will find more people willing to accept and help you in whatever way they can.

Catalina

I am sorry but I disagree, Primalex was flame baiting. I seriosly think you are giving him way to much credit. You never talk to someone in such a disrespectful manner and not expect them to just "take it". Maybe he is a friend of yours and you feel you need to protect him, I don't know. He was mixing blatant insults, wild assumptions and just plain immaturity with his attempt at giving advice. I am NOT going to value bullshit. If people show some common human decency then I will be polite and straight forward. It seems you also cherry picked his post a bit. Let me re-examine the parts you chose to skip.

For you and your slave? Hello, reality patrol, anyone in there still sane? You don't even have a plain girl, let alone a slave. You didn't even get a girl to do you so far. Most likely you didn't even kiss a girl yet.

What the fuck did that have to do with advice? You aren't offended at all? Insult and wild assumptions.

Be honest to yourself, go to the HowTo, ask how to get a girl laid and how to deal with your hormone overload. Then, in 5 years, you can come back and then.. maybe then.. it makes sense to discuss the details about BDSM.

So he gives a bit of advice "Go to the HowTo". He still mixes in insults and basically tells me to gtfo with his last sentence.

I am ok with not getting sugar coated advice or dressed up advice. I don't want my advice coated in ANYTHING....including the liquid fecal matter that is Primalex's posts so far in my thread. Why do you choose to protect him?

(From nh23)

Oddly enough I agree with Primalex. Not everything he said by any means..but the basic idea of it. If you've never had sex yet, or a relationship, I would say you are by far not ready to Dom someone. Take your time, educate yourself.

Ive been educating myself for years! I have been taking my time but its time to get out there and try this stuff. I finally have a car and can get away from the house. Its been this whole "take your time" thing that has made me not have a relationship or have sex yet. Thats what being shy makes you do but now I am at least mostly out of my shell.

I am a bit restless and tired of waiting is all. I sort of want to develop a way in which I can ease into this whole thing in a manner that wont make me wait 5 years as one gentlemen suggested. I want to test the water.

 

[BiBunny]

You know, as much as it pisses me off for people to pull the age card on me, I'm going to be a hypocrite, I suppose, and do it here, though I think it applies.

For God's sake, you're 18. Not 80. There are plenty of people here who have been "waiting" a lot longer than you have.

You haven't had sex yet. That's not insulting, flame-baiting, or assuming too much. You said that yourself. Honestly, you need to have at least one intimate relationship with someone to learn a.) how relationships work and b.) how the human body works.

Educating yourself doesn't mean reading shit online and thinking you already know how to do it. Have you ever held a flogger in your hand? Has anyone taught you how to swing it? Or, barring that, have you swung it yourself, practicing on couch cushions or whatever to learn to hit what you're swinging at? It's one thing to read "don't hit the kidneys," but it's quite another to be able to to avoid injuring someone else if you think that by reading, you've learned.

I'm 24. I've been doing this shit for about 5 years. I still pretty much class myself as a beginner as far as S&M play goes. I have the basics down, but am I as knowledgeable as someone like Evil Geoff or Homburg or Netzach? Hell no.

I used to teach horse-riding lessons when I still lived with my parents. The absolute WORST students were the ones who, even though they'd never sat on a horse before, had read all the books and thought they knew everything there was to know. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt until you started arguing with experienced people about what you supposedly "know."

You have a long way to go, my dear.

 

[Netzach]

Uh. Hm.

I don't think that having never had sex you march into the world ready for fullblown lifestyle D/s, but seriously, why do you have to have a few years of unfulfilling PIV sex and get really attached to someone you have to dump because they're not ever going to satisfy your needs but they're a great person otherwise....etc. Why is some roleplay, exploration, and bondage out of the question?

The advice just seems schizo here. Don't we talk to enough unhappy people who "always knew" but tried to be normal every week here?

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

All I see is an eager, enthusiastic, YOUNG, inexperienced guy. Holy shit.. don't any of you remember what that was like?? To have the whole world laid out infront of you at an all you can eat buffet when you've been dieting for 3 wks... KLCK has only mentioned things that are of interest to him, not that he's rushing into any of them.

I think if you go slow, building up not only your experience but your confidence level as well... anything you want is well within your reach. Don't go into this with the idea that you are one thing and only one thing.. ie a Dom/sub. Go into it to explore it all. Is it easier to explore sex without the BDSM clouding your thoughts or to explore BDSM without the sex getting in the way? Only you can answer that.

You have to start somewhere... don't expect to go into a relationship thinking that you know everything there is to know about whipping. If you don't know what you are doing or are playing with someone who doesn't have any experience either, chances are there are going to be some mistakes. Hopefully ones that aren't permanently damaging. Err on the side of caution with all that you do.

We were all new to this as well. We have all been where you are now. When I started I had a set of ideas that I wanted to do.. now, while I have done them all, I've done enough to know that what I initially wanted, is not for me. Find local people and hang with them. My local munch (actually here they call it a slosh, not sure why) is weekly at a local restaurant. Attendence ranges from 10 to 50 depending on the week, season, holiday, etc. There is some discrete discussion, but for the most part it's a group of people who have similar interests sitting down to dinner, drinks, conversation and friendship. You might meet a gentle Domme there, or someone who is willing to mentor you, or a friendly companion willing to slowly explore things at your pace, or you thiers. Read, ask questions, be open to everything you hear... not all of it will apply to you, but when it's fairly specific (ie. knife play, fisting, certain bondage techniques, etc) then pay attention to those that have more experience. Listen to everything, but filter out the things that don't apply to you, keeping only the things that do. No where does it say that you have to do things at someone else's pace. Work to your comfort level as you explore things.

Good luck and happy exploring!!

 

[Netzach]

You know, as much as it pisses me off for people to pull the age card on me, I'm going to be a hypocrite, I suppose, and do it here, though I think it applies.

For God's sake, you're 18. Not 80. There are plenty of people here who have been "waiting" a lot longer than you have.

You haven't had sex yet. That's not insulting, flame-baiting, or assuming too much. You said that yourself. Honestly, you need to have at least one intimate relationship with someone to learn a.) how relationships work and b.) how the human body works.

Educating yourself doesn't mean reading shit online and thinking you already know how to do it. Have you ever held a flogger in your hand? Has anyone taught you how to swing it? Or, barring that, have you swung it yourself, practicing on couch cushions or whatever to learn to hit what you're swinging at? It's one thing to read "don't hit the kidneys," but it's quite another to be able to to avoid injuring someone else if you think that by reading, you've learned.

I'm 24. I've been doing this shit for about 5 years. I still pretty much class myself as a beginner as far as S&M play goes. I have the basics down, but am I as knowledgeable as someone like Evil Geoff or Homburg or Netzach? Hell no.

I used to teach horse-riding lessons when I still lived with my parents. The absolute WORST students were the ones who, even though they'd never sat on a horse before, had read all the books and thought they knew everything there was to know. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt until you started arguing with experienced people about what you supposedly "know."

You have a long way to go, my dear.

The first time I ever had someone lick my shoe and boss him around a bit I was 23. I didn't do anything that crazy, but I never went back from there.

 

[BiBunny]

The first time I ever had someone lick my shoe and boss him around a bit I was 23. I didn't do anything that crazy, but I never went back from there.

*Nods*

There's nothing wrong with throwing in a little kink slowly. But what I see is someone who's so convinced that reading about stuff you want to try is as good as actually doing it. I'm sorry, but I don't think if you've never had sex that you have any business owning multiple slaves. I blew off a potential Dom in the area when I was first getting started for that very reason.

For example, "squirting" is on the list, which I assume means female ejaculation. How are you going to be able to induce that if you don't even know your way around a cunt? It took the one guy who was able to make me do it some three or four months to ever figure out my "combination," so to speak. And, God knows, he was damned experienced.

I don't think dude needs to deny himself, but if you don't know if you're a Dom/sub/switch/whatever, then maybe you should slowly test the waters before diving straight in. Why not find a girl you're interested in and tie her wrists to the headboard when you fuck? That sounds like a much better alternative than grabbing out the bullwhip and going to town.

I don't care how much he thinks he knows. If he hasn't done it, he doesn't know. There's plenty of shit I don't know, still, though I've watched and practiced and learned a lot more in the past year or so than I did in previous years. It's a hands-on process, I think. Like, no matter how many times I see it done, I STILL don't know how to bind cocks and balls, so I settle for clothespins because I actually know how to use them, and I can make pretty designs in pretty colors. I accept my limitations.

 

[FurryFury]

Uh. Hm.

I don't think that having never had sex you march into the world ready for fullblown lifestyle D/s, but seriously, why do you have to have a few years of unfulfilling PIV sex and get really attached to someone you have to dump because they're not ever going to satisfy your needs but they're a great person otherwise....etc. Why is some roleplay, exploration, and bondage out of the question?

The advice just seems schizo here. Don't we talk to enough unhappy people who "always knew" but tried to be normal every week here?

*applauds*

 

[FurryFury]

All I see is an eager, enthusiastic, YOUNG, inexperienced guy. Holy shit.. don't any of you remember what that was like?? To have the whole world laid out infront of you at an all you can eat buffet when you've been dieting for 3 wks... KLCK has only mentioned things that are of interest to him, not that he's rushing into any of them.

I think if you go slow, building up not only your experience but your confidence level as well... anything you want is well within your reach. Don't go into this with the idea that you are one thing and only one thing.. ie a Dom/sub. Go into it to explore it all. Is it easier to explore sex without the BDSM clouding your thoughts or to explore BDSM without the sex getting in the way? Only you can answer that.

You have to start somewhere... don't expect to go into a relationship thinking that you know everything there is to know about whipping. If you don't know what you are doing or are playing with someone who doesn't have any experience either, chances are there are going to be some mistakes. Hopefully ones that aren't permanently damaging. Err on the side of caution with all that you do.

We were all new to this as well. We have all been where you are now. When I started I had a set of ideas that I wanted to do.. now, while I have done them all, I've done enough to know that what I initially wanted, is not for me. Find local people and hang with them. My local munch (actually here they call it a slosh, not sure why) is weekly at a local restaurant. Attendence ranges from 10 to 50 depending on the week, season, holiday, etc. There is some discrete discussion, but for the most part it's a group of people who have similar interests sitting down to dinner, drinks, conversation and friendship. You might meet a gentle Domme there, or someone who is willing to mentor you, or a friendly companion willing to slowly explore things at your pace, or you thiers. Read, ask questions, be open to everything you hear... not all of it will apply to you, but when it's fairly specific (ie. knife play, fisting, certain bondage techniques, etc) then pay attention to those that have more experience. Listen to everything, but filter out the things that don't apply to you, keeping only the things that do. No where does it say that you have to do things at someone else's pace. Work to your comfort level as you explore things.

Good luck and happy exploring!!

Great post!

 

[ataxia.girl]

Uh. Hm.

I don't think that having never had sex you march into the world ready for fullblown lifestyle D/s, but seriously, why do you have to have a few years of unfulfilling PIV sex and get really attached to someone you have to dump because they're not ever going to satisfy your needs but they're a great person otherwise....etc. Why is some roleplay, exploration, and bondage out of the question?

The advice just seems schizo here. Don't we talk to enough unhappy people who "always knew" but tried to be normal every week here?

i knew i was into this before i had sex. i distinctly rememeber guys making out with me and being so bored and not being able to figure out why anyone wanted to do that. i was saving myself for my husband but the first boyfriend i had that really set me on fire totally dominated me without that having to include sex. i know you can know before you have sex.

 

[KLCK]

Uh. Hm.

I don't think that having never had sex you march into the world ready for fullblown lifestyle D/s, but seriously, why do you have to have a few years of unfulfilling PIV sex and get really attached to someone you have to dump because they're not ever going to satisfy your needs but they're a great person otherwise....etc. Why is some roleplay, exploration, and bondage out of the question?

The advice just seems schizo here. Don't we talk to enough unhappy people who "always knew" but tried to be normal every week here?

All I see is an eager, enthusiastic, YOUNG, inexperienced guy. Holy shit.. don't any of you remember what that was like?? To have the whole world laid out infront of you at an all you can eat buffet when you've been dieting for 3 wks... KLCK has only mentioned things that are of interest to him, not that he's rushing into any of them.

I think if you go slow, building up not only your experience but your confidence level as well... anything you want is well within your reach. Don't go into this with the idea that you are one thing and only one thing.. ie a Dom/sub. Go into it to explore it all. Is it easier to explore sex without the BDSM clouding your thoughts or to explore BDSM without the sex getting in the way? Only you can answer that.

You have to start somewhere... don't expect to go into a relationship thinking that you know everything there is to know about whipping. If you don't know what you are doing or are playing with someone who doesn't have any experience either, chances are there are going to be some mistakes. Hopefully ones that aren't permanently damaging. Err on the side of caution with all that you do.

We were all new to this as well. We have all been where you are now. When I started I had a set of ideas that I wanted to do.. now, while I have done them all, I've done enough to know that what I initially wanted, is not for me. Find local people and hang with them. My local munch (actually here they call it a slosh, not sure why) is weekly at a local restaurant. Attendence ranges from 10 to 50 depending on the week, season, holiday, etc. There is some discrete discussion, but for the most part it's a group of people who have similar interests sitting down to dinner, drinks, conversation and friendship. You might meet a gentle Domme there, or someone who is willing to mentor you, or a friendly companion willing to slowly explore things at your pace, or you thiers. Read, ask questions, be open to everything you hear... not all of it will apply to you, but when it's fairly specific (ie. knife play, fisting, certain bondage techniques, etc) then pay attention to those that have more experience. Listen to everything, but filter out the things that don't apply to you, keeping only the things that do. No where does it say that you have to do things at someone else's pace. Work to your comfort level as you explore things.

Good luck and happy exploring!!

Thank you both of you. Your truly understanding my post. I really do want to go at a nice slow pace and explore many options. The list above is just a list of things I find interesting and want to look into and try out.

Thanks for not jumping on the bandwagon like some of the other posters who aren't even bothering to try and understand why I am here.

 

[ataxia.girl]

The first time I ever had someone lick my shoe and boss him around a bit I was 23. I didn't do anything that crazy, but I never went back from there.

My first D/s experiences were things like wrestling and losing, being mercilessly tickled, being held under the water while playing around with him the pool. Doing normal "vanilla" type things with each other that both of us could tell were far more electric between us than between most vanilla couples. Him lifting my skirt to fellow drivers when i leaned over the seat to get something out of the back. Saying little things to humiliate me, many times reminding me that i "liked" the way he treated me and i did. We very naturally moved onto spanking from there and then the relationship ended but not for lack of chemistry.