My Cousin Mandy Series

[Crista]

I've posted the third and probably final chapter of my semi-autobiographical series "My Cousin Mandy".

Hope you'll all take a look at it.

xoxox
Crista


http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=4584

 

[KWG]

My Cousin Mandy

Well, I just took a look at it and thought it was wonderful.

And it would be a shame if you went another four years before posting another story. You're much too talented.

 

[Crista]

Thank You

Thanks so much for the kind words. I'm glad you liked my series. I'm going to continue writing again immediately. I just meant that this particular series is most likely finished. Anything further about Mandy would have to be entirely fiction.

xoxox

Crista

 

[Singularity]

Taking A Writer's Perspective

I'll take a different tack than KWG, crista.

KWG read the "story". I read more of the "how" of what you were writing about, instead of the "what". Perhaps it is the curse of someone who tries to write his own stuff, but you tend to read the "words" as much as you do the images and the thoughts.

So, if you are seeking some constructive suggestions, I have some to offer.

The first pargraph should always be a grabber, that compels the reader to continue and to handcuff him or her into not back-clicking out of your story.

Here is what you said:

It was after one o'clock in the morning and everyone in the house was upstairs sleeping, all except my beautiful cousin Mandy who was now waiting for me in the silence of her room. The guestroom was the only bedroom on the lower floor of my house; we would be totally undisturbed.

I would arrange the sentences to have more individual impact:

"It was after one o'clockin the morning, and everyone in the house was upstairs sleeping - all except my beautiful cousin Mandy. She was waiting for me (fill in reason why here), in the silence of the guestroom, on the lower floor. We both knew that, here, we would be completely undisturbed."

The next paragraph throws a lot at the reader without a lot of background or context in which to put it.

As I approached her door I thought back over the events of the day. It had started with a shameful display of uncontrolable lust on my part this morning, rolling around Mandy's bed with her panties pressed to my face. It had produced one of the most intense self-induced orgasms of my life and as I laid spent in the softness of her sheets, I could have never imagined that only a few short hours later, Mandy and I would be cumming together on the beach, as we admitted our desires for one another.

How did you get onto Mandy's bed in the morning in a state of uncontrollable lust? It just jumps in here, without warning. And then how did you get to the beach, and orgasming together? This is a real stretch for the reader to follow.

This is a very personal narrative, and I can tell it means a lot to you and to Mandy, but it is hard for most readers to delve into the same intimacy and passion that you felt together.

You have a number of very long, dense paragraphs, and you are very light on the dialog - and this is the kind of story that cries out for delicious, intimate and tittilating dialog between the two of you.

My suggestion is to read some other writers' stories that you enjoy and to not read "the story" (I said the same thing to another writer a few minutes ago, too). Look at the bones and the skeleton of HOW that author conveyed the passion and the story and borrow and steal what they do and incorporate it into your own work.

I hope this helps and that you will continue to build on what you are started - in both literary and erotic terms.


Singularity