My Brown Lover And Me.

[AJJM10306ny]

MY BROWN LOVER AND ME.



She calls out for me.
On my knees I go
I look up at her big brown hills; I look at her big black tips.
My eyes move down her brown road, down to her deep dark bash.
I can see her cave, those large wet walls.
Looks like sweet home to me.
Home for my hard long pole.
She say put that long pole into my hole
Come in me, fill me.
Soon me and my lady.
Were making love.


BY
AJJM.

 

[Liar]

Yo. What's up with the ?

 

[WickedEve]

MY BROWN LOVER AND ME.



She calls out for me.
On my knees I go
I look up at her big brown hills; I look at her big black tips.
My eyes move down her brown road, down to her deep dark bash.
I can see her cave, those large wet walls.
Looks like sweet home to me.
Home for my hard long pole.
She say put that long pole into my hole
Come in me, fill me.
Soon me and my lady.
Were making love.


BY
AJJM.

"down to her deep dark bash" is interesting, even though it's probably a typo. I'm guessing you meant gash or something, right? But bash is more original and odd, and I like odd. Not sure what a deep dark bash would be, though.

Okay, I'm also wondering about this:
Do you have questions about posting this poem, or are you just questioning your own poem and wondering what others think? Do you want feedback on the poem or just sharing it?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

"down to her deep dark bash" is interesting, even though it's probably a typo. I'm guessing you meant gash or something, right? But bash is more original and odd, and I like odd. Not sure what a deep dark bash would be, though.

Okay, I'm also wondering about this:
Do you have questions about posting this poem, or are you just questioning your own poem and wondering what others think? Do you want feedback on the poem or just sharing it?

I kinda wondered if "tips" was also a typo.

bj

 

[Angeline]

I kinda wondered if "tips" was also a typo.

bj

Actually I'm wondering about the cave and the walls. Does he have a telescope?

AJJM10306ny, welcome to the poetry forum. I'm not sure if means you want feedback, but I can't really tell you anything constructive about this poem because I don't understand the point of it. You love her because she's Black? You love fucking her because she's Black? If that's it, I'm not getting a feeling of love from the poem, just some general kind of puerile description.

Have you written other poems? Maybe if you have you could post some you've written on other subjects, erotic or non-erotic. It's difficult to judge much on the basis of what you have here.