My boyfriend has a low sex drive.

[xtotallystephyx]

So let me start off by saying that when my boyfriend and I do have sex, it's incredible. But. It's always a one and done kind of thing, when I could go for hours, and he only wants to do it every few days, when I could have sex 24/7. I don't know what to do. I know he loves me, and I love him, but I'm tired of having to beg for sex and get turned down. Help.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Assuming no medical issues for either of you that sets your libido, you only have two options:
1 - Stay with him.
2 - Leave him.

If you stay, you've got to have open and honest communication. If you can't do that, then there will be no amount of advice we can give you that will help.

If you leave, you may or may not find a more compatible libido. It seems high libido people tend to get stuck with low libido people. Not always the case, but we get this question frequently enough that it would seem that way.

 

[rbone04]

Well advised by NippleMuncher.

Also before you make any rash decisions, I think it should be worth noting that compared to YOU... Yes, he does seem to have a low sex drive, but compared to the rest of the population, it doesn't seem as though he has what could be considered an abnormally low population. How old are the two of you? This could be a hugely important factor when trying to troubleshoot the situation. If he is older, it could be something a doctor could have ironed out in one short visit. I'd start by tactfully putting it all on the table in a conversation with him. Just make sure you don't sound accusational, because there is most likely nothing wrong with either of you. Good luck!

 

[Sticky_At_The_Y]

Yeah that does suck. Sorry he won't stick it in you more.

I agree with the above posters. Good luck.

 

[subwannabe]

I also agree. With all of the fish in the pond why do people find it so hard to believe that you can find someone else who loves you and you love them, and, you can have more sex. He's just your boyfriend and you're not even engaged. Boyfriends and girlfriends are made to go through until you find the right one. He is not the right one and you can't do anything to make him the right one. Move on.

 

[njlauren]

Could be a lot of things. Assuming you are young (i.e BF isn't in his 40's), low libido could be a hormonal thing (he should get checked), it also could be simply that for whatever reasons he emotionally never really got into the swing of having regular sex..ton of reasons. Some men have difficulty with sex with someone they love or are into but could go at it with casual fuck partners, they have hangups and such that you 'don't do that with someone you love' and whatnot (not saying that is your BF, just illustrating).

For whatever reasons, if you are feeling unfulfilled you have two choices, one is to talk to him about it and see where he is coming from (for example, if he has a stressful job, working long hours, that can drive the libido into the ground, take it from me; when I started working I worked the kind of job where 80, 90 hour weeks were common and as much as my body and hormones were raging, it did a major stomp job on my libido....)...the other is to recognize you have different expectations of sex and that if it doesn't seem solvable, to move on. Some men simply are low sex drive, dont' really care about it, for whatever reasons and would be perfectly happy with someone who only wanted sex occasionally, and it may not be possible to change that.

 

[Yachtsman69]

I Understand

When I married my wife we used to have frequent sex with lots of experimentation, and multiple rounds were the norm. As we have aged her drive and willingness to experiment have fallen off sharply while mine have increased. We still have pretty good straight sex a couple times a month but the all night marathons and kink fests are with fwb(s), not my wife.

His drive is probably not going to change that much, but if your really love him you should talk to him about it and see if you can work it out. Perhaps you can help him improve. Many guys feel completely uninterested after one pop, but if he is willing to experiment you may be able to tackle the one and done aspect. Explain to him that each successive climax is different/fun/exhilarating in its own way, and that feeling of disinterest after the 1st pop goes away rapidly, especially if properly motivated The frequency thing is a bit more difficult. What would he do if he walked into the room in a situation that would normally be non-sexual to find you naked and beckoning? Also, he may have an outside interest that gets him going that he doesn't talk about. When I was younger I used to race dirt bikes. Doing this used to get me so horny I couldn't stand it. At the time I thought it was kind of strange so I didn't tell anyone. If you can find a trigger or two you could awaken the sleeping giant Wouldn't that be fun.

Anyway... good luck. I hope it works out for you.

 

[C2W]

hey

get him tested for low testosterone levels.
if that isn't the problem then find yourself some 'outside interests'.
thats what I had to do, when I got tired of my wifes, mantra,
"get up, get on ,get off."

 

[Beer_Baron]

All the above advice is worth considering, but just to chime in.

What are your masturbation habits like? I once saw a documentary about a couple with a similar problem. They helped even out each others' sex drives by changing their masturbation habits (he stopped doing it and she started). Also see if he'd be willing to give toys a shot. Definitely can't agree more with the ideas about open and honest communication that isn't accusatory. Maybe there's some type of fetish the two of you could explore that could keep his engine running.

 

[aluv]

OMG where are you women?
Dump his lame ass and find your sexmate because
SEX IS EVERYTHING

 

[oxphocker]

Yeah, I'm dealing with a similar issue but in reverse...girlfriend isn't very sexual and I am. Add to that a long distance relationship and it's been very trying. I'm to the point where if things don't improve in the next year I might be calling it quits. Three years with someone trying to develop a good relationship but not seeing a lot of improvement is starting to get old. I really don't want a project for a relationship but it's starting to look like that more and more.

We make pretty good friends, but being lovers really isn't there as much...so I can understand it's a tough spot to be in.

 

[Drexen]

A few months back, I kinda fell into a similar situation, on the other side of your scenario. I have a very stressful job, and the stress of my job really got to me. When I got home in the evenings I was so mentally drained, that I felt like I had had my ass kicked at work, on a daily basis.Now keep in mind that our sex life had always been exceptional by both of our standards.

Eventually, things ended up working themselves out. She started showing more and more interest in me. And started suggesting things that she had always declined previously, I guess these suggestions caught my attention, and gradually the stress levels at work declined(I started delegating more). And our sex life has never been better.

Also, at the time I didn't even realize I was turning it down as frequently as I was. What she did was mark on a calendar the days a rebuffed her advances. I guess that was an eye opener for me.

Maybe he doesn't realize how frequently he is turning you away?

 

[NippleMuncher]

My final thoughts on this subject, life is too short to put up with anyone else's crap in life. A partner that is unable or unwilling to communicate and/or grow with the relationship needs to be shown to the curb. We ALL deserve a compatible mate, whatever that may be. There is nothing that we can do to change someone more to our liking, all we can do is try find someone more open and that aligns to our needs.

After thought, has the OP even been back since starting this thread, or are we merely arguing amongst ourselves for the fun of it?

 

[Quantified]

This one seems pretty straightforward to me.

Find out what gets him more interested and do that.

How do you find out?

a.) Ask him
b.) Trial and error -- clothing, scents, verbal communication, visual stimulation
c.) Blowjobs. They're adored universally.*

*At least, they're enjoyed universally by me.

 

[mike2010fc]

.....

 

[RomanSteel]

At the risk of being bombarded by those so "black and white" (as I used to once be)

You need to really discover what's going on. If he's ultimately "fine" with not being so interested and has no desire to make you happier, then I would consider moving on.

As for my POV, my husband and I have been having the issue for 2 years now. And after going through the throws of feeling helpless - his end- and undesirable - my end- we finally came to terms with what was happening. Low or no, testosterone.

My spouse (perhaps a different topic altogether, so bare with me or move along) had/has no desire or ability. Come to find out he's suffering what many men do. We're currently going through all the process to get him medicated with something to actually bring back the drive as well as the ability.

NO, not enhancers like: Viagra or the like. <-- these only raise the flag, not the interest level.

HOWEVER, if he's not interested, or just doesn't want to, I'd weigh my options. -Carefully-

Best of luck to you, to you both.

 

[ilovesex29]

Best way to handle situation is that talk it out. Tell him what you are feeling... but when you talk to him control your emotions and temper.

If he tries to change the topic or walk away then do not nag him. Most men do not like nagging.

Make sure to let him realize that you are not getting enough and you want it.


Now, when you are out with him in public or meeting group of people...try to talk to other men but set the limit.... make him curious and force him to think that if he doesnt give you then you have capability to get one...

Sex is fun if you do it right. so don't waste it

 

[MidnightToker]

too many of you sick fucks PMing me with crazy shit.

 

[Vetis]

First.

Communication! This is key and is everything, talk about it. Find out if there is a problem.

Second.

Find out if there is anything he would like to do that he hasn't told you, try to experiment some, do things you might even think you might not like first, you might be surprised and if it gets some results out of him it might spread to other things you can really enjoy.

Third.

Do you ever surprise him by dressing up sexy or teasingly. Have him come home for you to bed on the bed in a sexy get up or have a nice meal romantic meal prepared while you wear something sultry and basically serve him and end the meal with a blow job. And then go on from there. There are various little tricks you can do. You can even find out of he has any kinks and leave little stories or poems about such things around.

Four.

COMMUNICATION.

Because it bears repeating, if you don't have this you have nothing.

 

[easymolly]

boy, i don't think i could make it with a guy who only had sex with me sometimes

 

[silverwhisper]

the spam has been reported.

ed

 

[2981notrohrm]

My suggestion: Be as spontaneous as possible. Don't even think about it - just let things go where they go. My wife and I laid in bed Friday night talking about how we weren't going to do anything, almost as a joke, trying to take our minds off of it - it ended up being mind-blowing.

Also, check for the biggest mood-killer of all - stress. My wife and I didn't even touch each other last fall (I'm a law student and I work full-time) but when we went on vacation, we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

And I hate to say it, but it can be hard if you're not attracted to someone. Attractiveness has nothing to do with it - if you're just not his type, you're just not his type.

 

[aluv]

Like so many have said, communication is very important, both of you need to talk about your desires and needs not just future ambitions,houses,kids etc..but where you are and where you want to be sexually. The human function really focuses around sex and not a lot of people want to admit to that but sexual compatibility is very important yet not always discussed until its to late and there are problems. And do not think that Oh this will get better or pass. I have been in a marriage that the first year was fine but the sex never stayed as top priority, she lost focus on that completely and I have been telling myself that things will change and get better be patient but we are now in our mid 50's with pretty much an unhappy and sexless marriage with a lot of regrets.
So talk it out or walk out because you will be missing out on a lot of GREAT SEX.