Here is the link for my 2nd story, any feedback, again, greatly appreciated.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=308922
"Who Are You"
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=308922
"Who Are You"
My 2nd story!!!!
- Thread starter baccgirl
- Start date
Jenny_Jackson
Psycho Bitch
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2006
- Posts
- 10,872
Technically, this is (a) Not a Story and (b) only 723 words and should not have been posted on Lit, which as a 750 word minimum.
That said, the writing is nice, but pointless. You have no plot or character development. Every story begins with an incident, moves to some exploration and comes to some logincal conclusion. You have no incident, your exploration is entirely in the head of "I" and there is no conclusion. This is a viginette, not a story.
Your selection of first person POV didn't help. It left me wondering who the hell "I" is and who is "you", a door knob? I don't care what "I" and "you" look like, but I would like to know them as people. I can't from this viginette.
Don't be discouraged, Baccgirl. Most of the new writers make this exact same mistake. The problem is one of exposing yourself to the world, so you step timidly out there with a viginette.
Why don't you PM me before you post your next story and we will move it to a genuine story with all the elements of abilities I see you have.
JJ
That said, the writing is nice, but pointless. You have no plot or character development. Every story begins with an incident, moves to some exploration and comes to some logincal conclusion. You have no incident, your exploration is entirely in the head of "I" and there is no conclusion. This is a viginette, not a story.
Your selection of first person POV didn't help. It left me wondering who the hell "I" is and who is "you", a door knob? I don't care what "I" and "you" look like, but I would like to know them as people. I can't from this viginette.
Don't be discouraged, Baccgirl. Most of the new writers make this exact same mistake. The problem is one of exposing yourself to the world, so you step timidly out there with a viginette.
Why don't you PM me before you post your next story and we will move it to a genuine story with all the elements of abilities I see you have.
JJ
