My 1st Story

[MzSweetCandy]

heya i'm new to this site and just posted my story a few days back and was wondering what kind of stories would you lot like me to write cause i would do anything lol x also would love to hear what you got to say bout my 1st story so here's the link http://www.literotica.com/stories/sh....php?id=376080

ok tars mwah x x x x

 

[cloudy]

I tried to read it, but you have serious punctuation issues. I back-clicked after half a page. Sorry.

 

[CWatson]

Did Not Do The Research? Her name is spelled "Rachel". (On the other hand, sometimes her last name is Green and sometimes it's Greene, so you'd be excused for mixing that up.)

I know it's your first story, but presentation really does matter. Punctuation may seem like just another hoop you have to jump through, but those hoops are important: they show The Reader that you're willing to play by the rules. Even more important, it also shows The Reader that you care. The Reader is picky: s/he only wants to read the best. And if The Writer is so uninterested in their own story that they won't even bother spelling and punctuating it correctly, that story probably is not "the best." And hon, The Reader can afford to be picky; there are something on the order of 160,000 stories on Literotica alone. Add places like EWP and Stories OnLine and you're up past 200K. Why waste one's time if one doesn't have to?

As to the story itself, celebrities / zombies / werewolves are not my cup of tea. No comment, aside from the fact that I found it jarring to have these supernatural elements suddenly appear to characters who, by and large, lived in a realistic world. Your mileage may vary.

 

[starrkers]

Just too ludicrous for me to bother with, I'm afraid.

The crew from Friends live in a "normal" world. Had you chosen to use the characters from, for instance, Buffy, I may have stuck with it longer.

But the scenario didn't fit with the characters and the dialogue didn't sound right - I couldn't imagine them saying the words you gave them. It didn't seem anything like I would expect to happen to these characters.

And then there's the technical problems.

Sorry, it was a back click from me.

 

[caprine]

I have...

to agree with the comments so far. You need to consult a style manual. The writer helps on this site are a place to begin. Punctuation is a biggy. But there are other issues such as: pacing, sentence structure, paragraphing, and consistency to mention some of them.

Sorry, it was a back click for me also.

 

[BonesJackson]

I liked the story. It was funny.