Mrs Right

[iann666]

When I married my ex-wife I thought I had found Mrs Right what I didn't realise was her first name was "Always"
Seriously does the board think we all find Mr/Mrs/Ms Right or do we settle for a near thing

 

[KillerMuffin]

I don't think there is any such thing because people never live up to whatever expectations we've created for them. I did have a Mr. Right once. He just kept right on going. I think I scared the willy off of him. I have Mr. Good Enough now. I think he's much better than any Mr. Right could ever be because he's not what I expect.

 

[Xander]

Mr/Mrs Right dont exist.

You can come damn close...but there is no such thing.

 

[Thumper]

She does exist...

She is my Mother in Law...

I tried telling her she was wrong once....




Once.

 

[Xander]

Re: She does exist...

She is my Mother in Law...

I tried telling her she was wrong once....




Once.

LOL!!!

See, my point exactly.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I am not sure I would recognize Miss Right if I met her, but I might recognize Miss Good Enough.

As for Mrs. Right - I don't mess with married women; I had a bad experience once, and now I guess you could say I have a hangup about not getting into any kind of situation that could lead to that again.

 

[pabloback]

i found miss right
unfortunately i wasnt mr right for her

 

[cymbidia]

We begin our emotionally adult lives with an idealized version of our Knight In Shining Armor/Sleeping Beauty who lies waiting for us just over that hill. After we find that one and only, we'll (of course) ride off into the sunset with them and begin to live happily ever after.

As we get a little bit of experience with life and reality, we realize that while it's likely that our True Love exists out there someplace, s/he will come with house payments, kids throwing up in the middle of the night, disappointments regarding just how hard we have to push to get him off his ass and up there cleaning the roof gutters, his fixation on [you fill in the blank], the in-laws you inherit, the dog that has always slept on his bed, her need for [another personal fill-in], a pdisinclination for doing a fair share of the laundry, and the fact that s/he likes nasty yucky onions on just about fucking everything.

In short, Ms/Mr Right is never going to meet your fanciful and childish imaginings, not in the long run. Everyone is a real person in a relationship, with real-people shortcomings and rstrengths.

The big trick is to determine which handful of personal attributes are most important to you in a mate, and then let the rest of them fall by the wayside. So he's scared of spiders? So what. You can kill them, can't you? So she refuses to have anything at all to do with organ meats. You can go elsewhere for them (Hey Mom! Got tripe?) or simply bid them adios from your diet, can't you?

Like Muff said, finding Mr/Ms Good Enough means you've won.

 

[PacificBlue]

I agree with Cymbidia and KillerMuffin.

As someone who is single and has had her 20's to think about this as she watched her friends get married... I think we romanticize what we think marriage/relationships should be like instead of what they are. Work. I do think it's coming to terms with what you can live with and what you can't. Nobody is going to fulfill all of my wants and needs and it's unfair to expect them to. Nor is finding Mr. Right or Mr. Good Enough going to make me any more of a complete person that I am today. Having a mate/companion doesn't complete you...they compliment you. You complete you. The healthiest relationships I've seen are those were each person still had their own interests and spent some time apart exploring those. If you spend 24/7 together year after year...won't you run out of things to talk about eventually? My opinion.

 

[Cheyenne]

There is no Mr. Right or Miss Right. People settle, or remain alone.

 

[PacificBlue]

Some people choose to stay single as well. There is nothing in the rules that say's you have to get married and have children. Some people shouldn't get married. Some shouldn't have children. I think to recognize those traits within yourself is courageous.

I have several g/f's who admit to not wanting children because they are to selfish, they don't feel they could give the time and attention that a child deserves. They've taken steps to ensure it doesn't happen and instead of being applauded for their candor they are outcasted or examined psychologically for faults. That's not right.

 

[Elizabeth]

I totally agree with cymbidia. After a disasterous first marriage, I knew what I needed went beyond looks and great sex. I needed a father for my sons, someone who would be there for me, and not just when it suited him. And I did that. The sex (much to my delight) got much better the second time around. I don't think he is Mr. Right. But he is as close as I can get to that.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Nor is finding Mr. Right or Mr. Good Enough going to make me any more of a complete person that I am today. Having a mate/companion doesn't complete you...they compliment you. You complete you. The healthiest relationships I've seen are those were each person still had their own interests and spent some time apart exploring those. If you spend 24/7 together year after year...won't you run out of things to talk about eventually? My opinion.

While I can kind of agree with those thoughts - I would point out that intimate relationships have a tendency to bring out otherwise latent or dormant qualities of our character, and can help develop them more fully.

This can be good and/or bad depending on the trait, but either way, people do have a way of completing each other, especially when the mix is complimentary. Humans are extremely social animals and they need interaction, the more the better.

A year ago I might not have said this because I had resigned myself to being alone the rest of my life - and I had therefore rationalized that I could live a full life without others. I have to give the Lit GB the credit for making me realize/remember just what I was missing for so long and the fact that there was a part of me that was empty and hollow - among other things.

Even if I never do find that special person, I intend to not go through life just existing and not looking.

 

[PacificBlue]

I agree that humans are incredibly social creatures and we need intimate interaction with others. However, I don't think it needs to be in the context of a romantic relationship. Again that would lend itself to the theory that you aren't complete unless you are with someone and I just don't think that's true. I have seen some very healthy, happy individuals who are single with a good strong support network and no romantic significant other.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I agree that humans are incredibly social creatures and we need intimate interaction with others. However, I don't think it needs to be in the context of a romantic relationship.

I am not so sure - I am willing to say that you might be right, for some people, but not for most.

Again that would lend itself to the theory that you aren't complete unless you are with someone and I just don't think that's true. I have seen some very healthy, happy individuals who are single with a good strong support network and no romantic significant other.

I was healthy and "happy" - or so I thought. When I was first single again after being married I was unhappy that I was alone - and if anyone can be comfortable being alone for long periods of time it is me (I am something of a recluse and have spent months in Alaska with no direct human contact). Eventually I grew used to being alone and as I said I resigned myself to that situation.

However, I do think that there is a part of us that is dead, or at least dormant, when we are not in a romantic relationship. That is just the nature of humans - that is how we are wired, it is in our genes, or at least in almost everybody's genes.

Are there people who shouldn't be in a romantic relationship? Sure, probably quite a few people - but I would assert that is true not because they don't need the relationship, but because they are not emotionally, mentally suited to getting along with someone else in that intimate of a relationship. But that is not because they don't need the relationship, just that they are better off without it after all things are considered.

Does that mean that those people who choose to be without romance are emotionally/mentally damaged? Not at all; there are a number of people who have weighed the pros and cons, and chosen to do without, either temporarily or permanently. Are they less "complete" for that decision? I would assert that in a way they are, but that is their decision and I respect it - I have been there, and I was one of those people for quite a number of years.

To each their own.

 

[HARDKOREBJ]

it depends on what you are looking for in a relationship.all people are different

 

[Mischka]

We begin our emotionally adult lives with an idealized version of our Knight In Shining Armor/Sleeping Beauty who lies waiting for us just over that hill....In short, Ms/Mr Right is never going to meet your fanciful and childish imaginings, not in the long run. Everyone is a real person in a relationship, with real-people shortcomings and strengths.

Perhaps because I never fantasized about an ideal mate as a child, and happily dated any and all that "clicked" with me on whatever level, I have found my Mr. Right. Mr. Mischka is not perfect, but I was never looking for perfection. He simply embodies every trait I would ever want in a mate, and six years later, I still smile at the mere thought of him. He is my best friend, and not a day goes by that I am not reminded of just how right he is for me. So I'd say that some people don't have to settle - some luck out.

 

[iann666]

You will notice that I did try and inject some humour into this thread at the beginning,coz I sure didn't realise how deep a question it was. Thanks for all the replies