Mourning the Murdered Snakes

[3113]

On this day, a day that will live in infamy, we recall a murderous fellow named "Patrick" who killed every snake in Ireland, or so legend says. All the harmless garden snakes, all the snakes that helped to keep the rodent population down, all the snakes that were just living out their quiet, reptilian lives

Today, you will notice many celebrations. These are traditional Irish Wakes...for the snakes. Do join us in having a pint in memory of the dearly departed.

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[Tio_Narratore]

(...though in reality, indigenous snakes have never been found in those islands...)

Back in the day, even before the day, back when Finn need not come back again for it was his first time, and he was but a cradle-napper, he napped besides the beautiful babe Murtha. And even from that earliest of his young days did Finn want nothing better than to please the ladies, and seeing as Murtha was herself most dreadfully afeared of crawling serpents, Finn resolved to impress her by taming those wee slithering beatsies. To that end (and no other), Finn himself crawled from his cradle and sought to learn the music of the pipe, the music so sweet the snakes could do nought but dance to it. And so he did.

Back to Murtha he came now, on two legs, having grown in his apprenticeship into a young almost gentleman, playing his half-penny whistle and leading a pair of dancing serpents, the only of their kind to be found in all of the Emerald Isle. There were those who cared not for Finn, and more so cared even less for his love of the ladies, and those included men and magicians and gods themselves, and so one most cruel and vicious magician, name of Padraic, if I'm not to be unbelieved, took his wiry willow withe and struck one serpent deaf. It was the man-snake to be sure, for back in that day no man could have such power over female kind.

Well, as you can imagine, without the sweet trilling of the pipe to lead it to the dance, the man-snake, enraged with envy over the pleasure his mate found in Finn, turned on our poor boy and twisted his coils round and round his young arms and torso. Finn felt the breath being squeezed from his hale and hearty lungs and feared he would soon get a taste of his death if he did naught. But what could he do but naught, seeing as he was securely entwined in the constricting coils of his eager executioner?

Not-quite-naught, it turned out, for the serpent in squeezing the air from our young man drove it right into the flute. And Finn, at a loss for anything else, fingered his whistle, and out came the most melodious, most mellifluous melody unimaginable. The strains drove the woman-snake into a frenzy of dance, and in her wild abandon she engulfed her former mate, tucking him neatly into her widened abdomen and freeing the no-longer-hapless flautist.

And so it came to parthenogenic pass that the she-serpent gave rise to swarm after swarming horde of dancing descendants, resplendent in their ever-renewed emerald sheaths, until that dark day when a foreign-trained son returned to the enchanted dance-hall and condemned the dance and the dancers, driving them from their delights and casting a thousand-year pall over the land...

(copyright Tio Narratore, 17 March 2011)

 

[stephen55]

(Hick..)...crawling on the floor of my favorite Irish pub

I'm gonna climb this wall if it takes all night!

 

[3113]

(copyright Tio Narratore, 17 March 2011)

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That rocked! Throw in some sex between Finn and Murtha and you could have one hell of an entry for Earth Day!

 

[Tio_Narratore]

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That rocked! Throw in some sex between Finn and Murtha and you could have one hell of an entry for Earth Day!

Thank you. And thank you for the inspiration to write it.

I'm afraid they're underage at this point. For sex, we'll have towait until Finn's fully grown. and then, when he goes to clean Houlihan's barn, he might get a little intimate with Kathleen...

 

[3113]

Thank you. And thank you for the inspiration to write it.

I'm afraid they're underage at this point.

Hey, he could come marching back with the snakes at age 18--just make sure you mention that

 

[carsonshepherd]

I thought Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland - I didn't know he killed them. Damn Catholics.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

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That rocked! Throw in some sex between Finn and Murtha and you could have one hell of an entry for Earth Day!

No, she was afraid of snakes.

 

[3113]

I thought Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland - I didn't know he killed them. Damn Catholics.

Polite way of saying he killed 'em. Consider: Ireland's an Island and most snakes can't swim. There's no where that he could have driven them to except into the sea. Instant, watery death to all the snakes

 

[3113]

No, she was afraid of snakes.

Ah, but that was the point of the story. Finn showed her how much fun snakes could be if you just put that flute to your lips, blow little tune and play a few stops with your fingertips.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Polite way of saying he killed 'em. Consider: Ireland's an Island and most snakes can't swim. There's no where that he could have driven them to except into the sea. Instant, watery death to all the snakes

Well, how do you think there came to be sea snakes?

Ah, but that was the point of the story. Finn showed her how much fun snakes could be if you just put that flute to your lips, blow little tune and play a few stops with your fingertips.

Yes, but she then realized that the one eyed pink skinned trouser snake was not a flute.

 

[Thistlethorn]

Zoologically, there never were snakes in Ireland. To my understanding, driving the snakes from Ireland is a metaphor for driving paganism from Ireland. Which is why I wear a snake on St. Patrick's day. There's a similar story of him driving the dragons out of Ireland, too. Which I assume is the same metaphor with different players.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Zoologically, there never were snakes in Ireland. To my understanding, driving the snakes from Ireland is a metaphor for driving paganism from Ireland. Which is why I wear a snake on St. Patrick's day. There's a similar story of him driving the dragons out of Ireland, too. Which I assume is the same metaphor with different players.

And not only zoologically, Thistlethorn, but absent in spite of zoology, and absent from the whole of the British [sic] Isles. It is presumed that there were no indigenous snakes on those islands because there were no aquatic snakes in Europe to make the crossing. I'm not sure if they have any anti-snake devices in the Chunnel, though.

 

[3113]

Well, how do you think there came to be sea snakes?

there were no aquatic snakes in Europe

Ha! See, Zeb. Tio backs me up. None of them were aquatic. Patrick done killed all those snakes he drove out of Ireland and into the sea.

Too bad there wasn't a water moccasin to come back and bite him!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And not only zoologically, Thistlethorn, but absent in spite of zoology, and absent from the whole of the British [sic] Isles. It is presumed that there were no indigenous snakes on those islands because there were no aquatic snakes in Europe to make the crossing. I'm not sure if they have any anti-snake devices in the Chunnel, though.

Wrong. There are three species native to England/Wales/Scotland. They crossed over to the UK while it was still attached to Europe before the sea broke through the Straits of Dover. However, by then the Irish Sea had already cut off Ireland from the rest of the B.I. so they didn't get there. However, the stories are more entertaining unless you are a complete geek.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Wrong. There are three species native to England/Wales/Scotland. They crossed over to the UK while it was still attached to Europe before the sea broke through the Straits of Dover. However, by then the Irish Sea had already cut off Ireland from the rest of the B.I. so they didn't get there. However, the stories are more entertaining unless you are a complete geek.

I sit corrected, bear. (I'd stand corrected, but it's late and I'm tired).

 

[JackLuis]

I hope some one kills that little green bastard before I have to grow gills!

 

[cloudy]

or in old gaelic: Beannachtaí Na Féile Pádraig Oraibh!

 

[3113]

I hope some one kills that little green bastard before I have to grow gills!

Well, okay, we'll make an exception where the little green snake is concerned. I don't think anyone will mourn his passing.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Ha! See, Zeb. Tio backs me up. None of them were aquatic. Patrick done killed all those snakes he drove out of Ireland and into the sea.

Too bad there wasn't a water moccasin to come back and bite him!

Of course there weren't back then, but after ol' Patty done scared them off the freakin' Emerald Isle there were plenty then.

 

[R. Richard]

Polite way of saying he killed 'em. Consider: Ireland's an Island and most snakes can't swim. There's no where that he could have driven them to except into the sea. Instant, watery death to all the snakes

Accepting, for the sake of argument, that the Irish snakes couldn't swim, how did they get to Ireland in the first place? Unlike England, Ireland was never connected to the continent. (By the way, any number of snakes can swim, although most of them swim in fresh water, not sea water. If you have ever encountered a snake in the water, you would not doubt that snakes can swim and swim fast!)

Assuming that snakes did get to Ireland, Ireland is generally too cold for snakes to survive there.

 

[trysail]

Polite way of saying he killed 'em. Consider: Ireland's an Island and most snakes can't swim. There's no where that he could have driven them to except into the sea. Instant, watery death to all the snakes

Nonsense. The snakes used The Giant's Causeway to travel between and betwixt Scotland and Ireland ( the timing's a bit off, but a little artistic license is permissible where this topic is involved ).

...the Giants Causeway : it is the legend of the giant Finn MacCool and his rival Fingal long, long time ago :


Finn McCool was an Irish Giant and lived on an Antrim headland and one day when going about his daily business a Scottish Giant named Fingal began to shout insults and hurl abuse from across the channel. In anger Finn lifted a large rock and threw it at the giant as a challenge, but the rock landed in the sea.


Fingal retaliated with a rock thrown back at Finn and shouted that Finn was lucky that he wasn’t a strong swimmer or he would have made sure he could never fight again.


Finn was enraged and began lifting huge boulders of rock from the shore, throwing them so as to make a pathway for the Scottish giant to come and face him. However by the time he finished making the crossing he had not slept for a week and so instead devised a cunning plan to fool the Scot.


Finn diguised himself as a baby in a cot and when his adversary came to face him Finn’s wife Oonagh told the Giant that Finn was away but showed him his son sleeping in the cradle. The Scottish giant became apprehensive, for if the baby was so huge, what size would the father be?


In his haste to escape Fingal sped back along the causeway Finn had built, tearing it up as he went. He is said to have fled to a cave on Staffa which to this day is named ‘Fingal’s Cave’.


The bridge was destroyed, but to this very day you can visit and see its remains on the opposite shores : The Giants Causeway in Northern Ireland and the equally impressive Fingals Cave on the Island of Staffa in Scotland...


http://giantcrystals.strahlen.org/europe/basalt.htm

See also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant's_Causeway

 

[3113]

Accepting, for the sake of argument, that the Irish snakes couldn't swim, how did they get to Ireland in the first place?

They were very nice snakes that everyone liked. When folk got in boats to come to Ireland, the snakes came with them and stayed warm by their hearth fires Patty there was just a cold-blooded killer (get it? Cold-blooded killer?)

 

[R. Richard]

They were very nice snakes that everyone liked. When folk got in boats to come to Ireland, the snakes came with them and stayed warm by their hearth fires Patty there was just a cold-blooded killer (get it? Cold-blooded killer?)

Why what you suggest is not a good idea is set forth, in song, during this 1968 hit song by Johnny Rivers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBCYxInQToI