Motivation of a slave.

[sub princess]

Hello all. I have been noticing quite alot of new faces around here lately, and I am glad to see that so many people are finding their way here to Lit. I know that for me personally I have learned quite a bit here, and continue to learn more each day. I know that there are similar threads on this topic, but I have just been so moved by this experience that I wanted to share it.

Just yesterday I received a letter from a man who apparently read a few of my posts here, and was curious about what motivates someone to be a slave. His letter said:

Dear Sub Princess, I just learned that a woman friend of mine, a dear friend, is a sub and is contemplating become a slave. I don't understand her motivation and it is too personal a thing for me to bring up to her. Like you, she is in her thirties and has two kids. I assume her dom is her new (2nd) "husband". I would love to hear from you understand the motiviation and release this sub culture gives its participants. I am slightlysubmissive myself and can't imagine the work and effort of being a good Dom.

I thought a few minutes, and though I have answered similar questions before, it seemed somehow different this time. Here is what I wote, edited a bit to remove a few babbling pleasantries.

For me, submission was not something I just woke up one day and decided to do. Looking back, my need or desire to submit has been with me since my early childhood. My willingness to please someone else has always been strong, and it has only been in recent years that I realized that I receive great personal satisfaction in the fulfillment of someone else's happiness.-- quite simply, pleasing Him, pleases me.

I do not submit to Him in the hopes of reward or praise, it is nice
to hear the phrase "good girl," but there is so much more to it all. When I look at Him, and I see that He is happy, content, relaxed, and I know that I played a part in that, THAT is my reward, that is my pleasure. When He "takes me," I know that it is because I am His, and it is His pleasure, and so it too becomes mine. Everything He asks of me, whether it be something small, or something monumental, is because it is something He wants, needs or desires. Knowing this, and knowing that by doing it for Him He will be pleased, i am truly pleased and honored to be the source of that happiness for Him, and this is where my 'release' comes from. i do not submit to Him because i have to, I have choices, i submit because i want to.

Now as to the whole sub/slave issue. I am a slave, I am His slave, but I cannot say that in another circumstance, with another Man, i would or could be a slave. It is my devotion to Him that allows me to give all of myself, with complete and utter trust and faith in Him. My slavery does not stop, nor is it confined to the bedroom, all of His pleasures are mine, from cleaning His home, to servicing Him sexually.

Many people see slavery differently, some see it as a role taken by weak, indecisive individuals, who need to be told what to do just to survive everyday life ... that is not the case here. I am a strong woman, I am a free thinker, I have my own thoughts and feelings, hobbies and interests, and Master respects and encourages all that makes me happy. He does not want a doormat that lays down and does as He says without any thought or feeling involved.... Who would want that? In my opinion, it takes a strong person to give themselves entirely to another, it takes a person secure in who they are to belong to someone else.

I received a wonderful thank you this morning from the man who wrote me, he said that my words and thoughts gave him a clearer picture, and I was pleased to know I had helped.

I would love to hear from anyone else here that would like to add to my thoughts, I suspect that this man lurks here at Lit, as do many others, and I think that many wonder what motivates someone to give so much of themselves to someone else. I too am curious to hear the thoughts of others.

Thank you

 

[MissTaken]

Wow!

I am not sure what I could add to your response. It was beautifully done and very eloquent.

Thank you for sharing it with us, sub princess.

 

[zanna]

sp,

Like you, i have been this way all my life. i can remember as a child trying to do for others or somehow always walking that line to keep the peace, being the mediator. i enjoy doing for others -- whether it is pleasing my Master in whatever way He requires (that is the ultimate for me) or bringing fresh-baked cookies to a friend who is down. There are many variances in there, but all are driven by the same motivation within me to please.

Being His slave, being owned, being His property has so many levels, so many interconnecting wires for me, it is darn near impossible to describe without mutilating it totally into something almost insignificant if that makes any sense. There are the bare basics -- Him, serving Him, pleasing Him, seeing to His needs. Instinct to me comes down to submitting. Do i sometimes push back? Yes, i do. Do i sometimes stop and say why first? Well, i do that, too. He has encouraged this. He does not want a robot. All final decisions are His, though, and i know and respect this. i question b/c it is allowed, not b/c i believe i am entitled. i feel overwhelmed easily, especially with the PMDD. There are days when the most basic of decisions like what to wear feel huge. There are days with the PMDD where i feel more like a child than a grown woman. He is there when i am at my weakest to protect me from myself when necessary. His pleasure, whether i have just brought Him a glass of iced tea or been told to get on my hands and knees for His quick use is a satisfaction unlike any other.

Sex does play a part, but it is not the major part. It is the icing. i am a masochist as well, and lucky for me, that is another need that is fulfilled here. i can not say that i am His slave and therefore, i have no needs or should have none. That is not possible for me. There is something i get out of this, too.

i submit b/c it is who i am, b/c submitting satisfies a deep emotional and psychological need i have. It is who i have been all my life but did not understand for a long time that there was a term or way of living for it. It is not a kinky little game. It is not something i do on the weekends when i feel like it. It is not something i woke up one day and decided oh i think i will try this. It is not a part i play on the internet (not a judgement against those who do!). i am His slave, and that exists in every part of our lives. i am not perfect. To S/some, i may leave a lot to be desired in what they may need in their sub/slave. To others, i may take it all way too seriously. i don't really care. It is His hand that wraps His collar around my neck. It is He who makes me who i am.

i realize this is filled with so many i's and my needs. Somehow it seems then oddly perverse to top it off with my main goal is His needs, but somehow it does all come full circle b/c there is the inner knowledge that none of my needs are seen to b/c i am owed them nor entitled to them.

There is more i could say, more i could try to explain or define. There will always be more. i just don't think it necessary.

 

[sub princess]

Re: Wow!

I am not sure what I could add to your response. It was beautifully done and very eloquent.

Thank you for sharing it with us, sub princess.

Thank you Miss T.

 

[sub princess]

sp,

Like you, i have been this way all my life. i can remember as a child trying to do for others or somehow always walking that line to keep the peace, being the mediator. i enjoy doing for others -- whether it is pleasing my Master in whatever way He requires (that is the ultimate for me) or bringing fresh-baked cookies to a friend who is down. There are many variances in there, but all are driven by the same motivation within me to please.

Being His slave, being owned, being His property has so many levels, so many interconnecting wires for me, it is darn near impossible to describe without mutilating it totally into something almost insignificant if that makes any sense. There are the bare basics -- Him, serving Him, pleasing Him, seeing to His needs. Instinct to me comes down to submitting. Do i sometimes push back? Yes, i do. Do i sometimes stop and say why first? Well, i do that, too. He has encouraged this. He does not want a robot. All final decisions are His, though, and i know and respect this. i question b/c it is allowed, not b/c i believe i am entitled. i feel overwhelmed easily, especially with the PMDD. There are days when the most basic of decisions like what to wear feel huge. There are days with the PMDD where i feel more like a child than a grown woman. He is there when i am at my weakest to protect me from myself when necessary. His pleasure, whether i have just brought Him a glass of iced tea or been told to get on my hands and knees for His quick use is a satisfaction unlike any other.

Sex does play a part, but it is not the major part. It is the icing. i am a masochist as well, and lucky for me, that is another need that is fulfilled here. i can not say that i am His slave and therefore, i have no needs or should have none. That is not possible for me. There is something i get out of this, too.

i submit b/c it is who i am, b/c submitting satisfies a deep emotional and psychological need i have. It is who i have been all my life but did not understand for a long time that there was a term or way of living for it. It is not a kinky little game. It is not something i do on the weekends when i feel like it. It is not something i woke up one day and decided oh i think i will try this. It is not a part i play on the internet (not a judgement against those who do!). i am His slave, and that exists in every part of our lives. i am not perfect. To S/some, i may leave a lot to be desired in what they may need in their sub/slave. To others, i may take it all way too seriously. i don't really care. It is His hand that wraps His collar around my neck. It is He who makes me who i am.

i realize this is filled with so many i's and my needs. Somehow it seems then oddly perverse to top it off with my main goal is His needs, but somehow it does all come full circle b/c there is the inner knowledge that none of my needs are seen to b/c i am owed them nor entitled to them.

There is more i could say, more i could try to explain or define. There will always be more. i just don't think it necessary.

Thank you zanna for adding your thoughts.

I am very interested inh hearing the thoughts of subs and slaves alike. I love the fact that we all submit, but do it in our own way. I look forward to hearing more responses, and hope that some of the new faces around here are encouraged to share.

 

[LisaFunOne1]

i dont know if im a sub or a slave.... but heres my take on it, why it turns me on to submit/serve....

it turns me on to make my partner happy. i enjoy taking orders. i enjoy being flogged. i have absolutely no problem with...ah.... servicing my partner, even if i dont receive like attentions... i dont really know how to describe it, theres my shot at it tho....

i cant really look at it from the perspective of a 24-7 loving relationship, never having been in one....not to mention never really having been in an overly sexual D/s relationship.

 

[sub princess]

i dont know if im a sub or a slave.... but heres my take on it, why it turns me on to submit/serve....

it turns me on to make my partner happy. i enjoy taking orders. i enjoy being flogged. i have absolutely no problem with...ah.... servicing my partner, even if i dont receive like attentions... i dont really know how to describe it, theres my shot at it tho....

i cant really look at it from the perspective of a 24-7 loving relationship, never having been in one....not to mention never really having been in an overly sexual D/s relationship.

Thank you LisaFunOne.

i don't think the title of sub or slave is important, it is the relationship that counts. All relationships are different, and all partners are too. IMHO it is more about the exchange, and if you are getting or giving what makes you happy, and this is in turn pleasing your partner, than that is all that really matters.

thank you again for sharing your thoughts.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Sexxy subbie:

here is my take on it...

i have been writing a gentleman who is a regular on the GB. He asked me where i consider myself to be on the slave/sub spectrum. I responded in all honesty that i do not believe i fit either place though i have intense needs for routine and
other extreme things. He responded to me that i am more slavish than submissive making me wonder about the way i look at myself.

For me, submission is ingrained. what has not been ingrained has been taught...but that is NOT what i get out of a fulfilling BDSM relationship. The joy from the relationship is having someone else to belong to completely~utterly, without qualms or cares. I submit because that is what my past Owners required and because that is what i need to remain fulfilled. It is as simple and complex as that.

so, do i consider myself a slave...NO! i am a pet, someone to be coddled, loved, and corrected with extreme prejudice as required.
I am a strong-minded single mommy with no submissive tendencies at all normally...unless i love some one. Then it is complete and utter relinquishment to that person ...all that i am or would hope to be with their guidance.

i have been rambling i know...but you now have my two cents....

 

[dragonlace]

i am a slave for the simple fact that for His pleasure i could deny Him nothing......serving Him fills me with such hope and love that there is nowhere i would rather be. Its more about the happiness on His face when i have done something that pleases Him and the pride and love i see in His eyes thats makes my heart skip a beat. I have always been a service oriented sub willing to do most anything but until Master found me i could never have been a slave for i never gave all of myself to anyone as i do Him. Just to be His is a dream come true and i feel so complete and happy just in His service. I don't mean to say its not sometimes the hardest thing i have ever done in my life for it is but its also the most fulfilling thing too. So i take it all in and just hope to be the best i can for Him and even through the hard times just hearing Him say He is proud of me and seeing the love there makes it all worth while.

 

[incubus_dark]

Obviously, I can't comment on what makes it fulfilling to be a sub/slave, but I can address this point:

I am slightlysubmissive myself and can't imagine the work and effort of being a good Dom.

Many people go to extraordinary lengths with their hobbies. They don't consider it hard work or effort because they enjoy it and it fulfills something within them. Being a dom is like that, it doesn't feel like effort from the inside because we enjoy it and it fulfills something in us, even though it might look like effort from the outside.

 

[FungiUg]

Many people go to extraordinary lengths with their hobbies. They don't consider it hard work or effort because they enjoy it and it fulfills something within them. Being a dom is like that, it doesn't feel like effort from the inside because we enjoy it and it fulfills something in us, even though it might look like effort from the outside.

Wot he said!

Yeah, it can be work for me, but I never really notice that aspect, because I'm so busy enjoying it.

 

[Desdemona]

Good questions s.p. I enjoyed reading your articulation of your own motivation.

I can say that submission is a big part of who I am and I've always felt the need to serve others. I'm not a doormat, though. I chose to give my submission and I chose to become my Master's slave. Pleasing Him gives me peace and great joy. I feel a sense of freedom that I've never experienced before.... that's the paradox of the Master/slave relationship. Its not always easy but the reward of making Him happy or seeing His smile far outweighs any difficulties.