(Mother/Son Incest) Looking for feedback on my first story

[Tendril_Notion]

https://www.literotica.com/s/ms-super-butt-1

If you like incest, tension, a little bit of gross stuff, or just offbeat (bad) writing, please check out my first story ever completed, Ms. Super Butt. It's lengthy, and perhaps not broken up as efficiently as it could be, but if you have the interest, I'd love to know what people think.

 

[DiscipleN]

I thought the intro was awkward. The small amount of important information, adopting her friends' child, could be told in the story. Maybe save the bit about her long lactation as an anecdote.

The story is nicely, simply told, and that isn't easy. Some little things: A butt doesn't get wet. Maybe you didn't mean that, but that's how it reads. Putting a dildo all the way into a butt is very dangerous. In real life, be sure to use an object with a big flange! (just say'n)

I liked the fresh interjections you used for the mom's climaxes.


Here, I think "Mason said excitedly" should be Kevin.
[But you have to stop once Mason gets home."

"Yay!" Mason said excitedly, before pulling down Stacey's pants and then groping her underwear with both hands.

"Oh!" Stacey was surprised but then was silent. ]


I read as far as the third page. It was good, but I don't have more time. Thanks. I'll finish it another time, but there are a couple thoughts.

keep writing

 

[lovecraft68]

I darted around a bit and..

Ummm....no.

Seriously, what the hell is going on here?


("I told you it's p-" "Oh hohh! Ohhhhhh!" "Mom! What is it?! I'll be right down!" "Gah! Haghh!" "Are you okay? What's wrong?" "Ugh! Hughh! I'm not gonna make it...!" "What is it? You need the bucket?" "Hoohf! Yes! Get Mama's bucket...! Hurry! I can't hold it!" "Mama! Mama!" "Aghh! Would you stop! She's trying not to!" "Mama!" "Masonn! Just hurry!" "..." "Here! It's right here!" "Ohhhgh...! Thank youu... Sorry about teasing you before... I was just kidding..." "Yeah, I know..." "Hunh! Hoohf! Hohhhhhf!" "Mama!")

And the sound effects remind me of an x-rated Batman comic. "Pow! Bop! Ohhgh..."

Also break up your paragraphs more, you had some huge walls of text in there in sections.

Sorry, but not very good. But I'm one person so don't go by me or let my opinion deter you. One more thing. I agree with the comment you may want to post a warning, there was some strange fetish stuff in here, I'm sure it will earn you some knee jerk bombs from people who were squicked out.

The positive I will leave you with is you're imaginative, I'll give you that and I give props to anyone who debuts with a 30k + effort.

 

[xqzxxx]

At A Loss

Well first let me say I LOVE the energy. What a great level of excitement carried throughout. Some of the activities are not my "ways" but it is still great that the characters are enjoying the taboo. Another interesting point is that the boy never does actually get to tag Mom. I mean in every other one of those types of stories , the kid eventually gets the "whole enchilada" and everybody's happy. Here the nontraditional "unhappy" ending left me more in wonderment than satisfaction. Since the story was so long that in particular was disappointing.

So I'm at a loss to give a solid up or down. It had nice points, but even if the particular set of activities had been my personal peccadilloes, I think it still would have left me feeling empty. I need more ending myself - but I'm old school.

But keep working - I think what you did was great. And if you like I'm happy for you! That should be reason enough to continue. Write for you first. If you ain't happy there is no reason to do anything.

 

[hadruprider]

https://www.literotica.com/s/ms-super-butt-1

If you like incest, tension, a little bit of gross stuff, or just offbeat (bad) writing, please check out my first story ever completed, Ms. Super Butt. It's lengthy, and perhaps not broken up as efficiently as it could be, but if you have the interest, I'd love to know what people think.

Well you're not exactly selling it!
It's crazy, unrealistic, disgusting, not very well written - but quite fun! I think it would be pointless to criticize it. It reminds me a bit of the Viz comic mag.