Most Suicide-Inducing Christmas Song

[shereads]

I'll bet if you play "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" backwards, you can hear the words, "Paul is dead...Just kidding! Paul is fine, but John and George and Ray Charles are as dead as yesterday's fish special. Sucks, doesn't it? And how about Judy Garland, who made this miserable song famous? 'Happy Golden Days of Yore,' my ass."

Seriously, what vicious impulse caused someone to pen these lyrics, set them to a poignant tune and release a record sung by a doomed alcoholic starlet; a song that would continue to be played decades later at shopping malls during one of the most emotionally tumultuous times of the year, weaseling its way into the consciousness of people who are trying to get into the spirit of the season by shopping, as if selecting the right presents for their surviving loved ones can somehow make up for all the loneliness and loss and regret?

I mean, really! Check this out:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away

(Of course they will be! So long, troubles. Get out of sight, like you did when the song was first published in 1943.)

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.



Compared to this, "Don't Fear the Reaper" is an inspirational march by John Phillips Sousa.

 

[Guest]

Jingle Bell Rock.

No question.

What in the hell is a jingle-horse, anyway?

 

[shereads]

What in the hell is a jingle-horse, anyway?

It's the thing you should throw at the ceiling speaker in any store that's playing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus."

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sher, it's a great song!
I love it, I sing it all year around, much to my familie's disgust.

how about this one;
(words & music by billy hayes - jay johnson, sung most famously by Elvis Presley)
I’ll have a blue christmas without you
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green christmas tree
Won’t be the same dear, if you’re not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That’s when those blue memories start calling
You’ll be doin’ all right, with your christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue blue blue christmas

(instrumental break)

You’ll be doin’ all right, with your christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue christmas

 

[shereads]

Sher, it's a great song!
I love it, I sing it all year around, much to my familie's disgust.

how about this one;
(words & music by billy hayes - jay johnson, sung most famously by Elvis Presley)
I’ll have a blue christmas without you
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green christmas tree
Won’t be the same dear, if you’re not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That’s when those blue memories start calling
You’ll be doin’ all right, with your christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue blue blue christmas

(instrumental break)

You’ll be doin’ all right, with your christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue christmas

Blue Christmas doesn't make me sad at all. As Elvis delivers it, it seems clear that the 'narrator' just needs sex and then he'll be fine.

 

[Belegon]

It's the thing you should throw at the ceiling speaker in any store that's playing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus."

I prefer this version...

http://www.tshirthell.com/shirts/products/a393/a393.gif

 

[Guest]

It's the thing you should throw at the ceiling speaker in any store that's playing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus."

Oh, yes.

The "mommy is a slut with Santa" song.

What kind of messages are we sending our children???

 

[cloudy]

Blue Christmas doesn't make me sad at all. As Elvis delivers it, it seems clear that the 'narrator' just needs sex and then he'll be fine.

Heard the Porky Pig version?

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" makes me want to just slit my throat, and end the misery.

 

[shereads]

Sher, it's a great song!
I love it, I sing it all year around, much to my familie's disgust.

Of course it's a great song. Otherwise, it would just make me grind my teeth, the way I do when I hear Burl Ives singing "Holly Jolly Christmas."

 

[Stella_Omega]

Of course it's a great song. Otherwise, it would just make me grind my teeth, the way I do when I hear Burl Ives singing "Holly Jolly Christmas."

What about "Grandma got Run Over By a Reindeer"?

 

[shereads]

Heard the Porky Pig version?

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" makes me want to just slit my throat, and end the misery.

Have you heard Alvin & the Chipmunks' cover of "Comfortably Numb?" Talk about despair!

 

[shereads]

What about "Grandma got Run Over By a Reindeer"?

Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Here I am ranting about sad and stupid songs, and your family is enduring this bizarre tragedy. How badly was she injured?

 

[LadyJeanne]

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" makes me want to just slit my throat, and end the misery.

Yes, exactly. That song makes me feel like that even when I am home for Christmas.

Or maybe especially then?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Have you heard Alvin & the Chipmunks' cover of "Comfortably Numb?" Talk about despair!

Existential! *nods*

NOt to jack this thread, Sher, but I just now noticed your sig, and I'm spewing tea and turning purple here...

 

[McKenna]

Holly Jolly Christmas. Burl Ives. It's something about his voice that grates. And makes me think of an ant farm, strangely enough. I think it's becase of that Disney movie he played in.

Holly Jolly my ass...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Here I am ranting about sad and stupid songs, and your family is enduring this bizarre tragedy. How badly was she injured?

dammit, we're crossposting!

It wasn't MY grandma, you know...

 

[Louise Brown]

(Of course they will be! So long, troubles. Get out of sight, like you did when the song was first published in 1943.)

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

'Cept that you misquoted the original lyrics, which were, believe it or not, even more depressing!

When it came out in the movie "Meet Me in St. Louis," the last verse went:

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

In the movie, the little girl to whom Judy Garland was singing the song was crying her eyes out.

 

[Lord DragonsWing]

I had to vote for Comfortably Numb. It fits this time of season. Sales ads, nephews making request, searching for the gifts. Then decorating, planning a party, grabbing gifts for co-workers. After awhile you're just numb and ready for it all to end. And that would be comfortable to do at times.

 

[shereads]

dammit, we're crossposting!

It wasn't MY grandma, you know...

Right. And your mom wasn't the harlot who seduced Santa Claus while her innocent child watched.

So...It seems there are two schools of Christmas-song-induced suicide theory: poignant versus annoying.

I tend to associate the annoying ones with random shotgun murders rather than suicide. At least, that's the way I'd react if I had a job in Walgreens and had to listen to that singing motion-detector Santa half a dozen times an hour.

The Judy Garland song is a more inner-directed pain than the Burl Ives one.

Maybe if Burl Ives sang "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," the two kinds of pain would cancel each other out and I could laugh it off.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I think there should be a hard core punk rock version of Have yourself a merry little Christmas...like if you don't, you're going to get your ass kicked.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Right. And your mom wasn't the harlot who seduced Santa Claus while her innocent child watched.

So...It seems there are two schools of Christmas-song-induced suicide theory: poignant versus annoying.

I tend to associate the annoying ones with random shotgun murders rather than suicide. At least, that's the way I'd react if I had a job in Walgreens and had to listen to that singing motion-detector Santa half a dozen times an hour.

The Judy Garland song is a more inner-directed pain than the Burl Ives one.

Maybe if Burl Ives sang "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," the two kinds of pain would cancel each other out and I could laugh it off.

Or Mel Torme...

And Nat Cole had a voice like velvet, but atrocious tast, plus he sang during a time of the worst of production values.

On the other hand, Louie Prima was a Gawd!

 

[McKenna]

I think there should be a hard core punk rock version of Have yourself a merry little Christmas...like if you don't, you're going to get your ass kicked.

You're my hero.

 

[shereads]

I had to vote for Comfortably Numb. It fits this time of season. Sales ads, nephews making request, searching for the gifts. Then decorating, planning a party, grabbing gifts for co-workers. After awhile you're just numb and ready for it all to end. And that would be comfortable to do at times.

True. But the guitar solo is such a good reason to be alive.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

You're my hero.

I know.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think there should be a hard core punk rock version of Have yourself a merry little Christmas...like if you don't, you're going to get your ass kicked.

by the Buzzcocks, or the Butthole Surfers- oops, my age is showing...