More Rybka Medicine

[Angeline]

I used to love to read Rybka's jokes and musings in his "More Medicine" thread. Well, Rybka doesn't hang out here anymore (though he might lurk; are you lurking Rybka?).

But he's still sending me (and I suspect some others of you) the stuff he used to post in that thread. And I told him, if you send it to me, I'm posting it AND I'm telling everyone you sent it.

So there.

If anyone else is getting these um Rybka ticklers (ok it was a sucky pun I know), post them here.


Ange

 

[Angeline]

Sent to me 6/21

The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and
control towers around the world.
------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

------------------------------------------------

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

------------------------------------------------

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a long takeoff queue: "I'm f***ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"

------------------------------------------------

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,
one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this ... I've got the Little
Fokker in sight."

------------------------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to
locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for take-off."

------------------------------------------------

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the
runway, if, you are able. If you are not able. take the Guadalupe exit off
Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

------------------------------------------------

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because
his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B~52
that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

------------------------------------------------

Taxiing down the Tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned and returned to the
gate. After an hour-long wait, it took off. A concerned passenger asked the
flight attendant, "What exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight
attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

------------------------------------------------

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the
following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany.
Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you
lost the bloody war."

------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for take-off, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we
lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for take-off behind Eastern 702. Contact
Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for take-off, roger; and yes, we
copied Eastern ... we've already notified our caterers."

------------------------------------------------

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the
active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around,
and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a
cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real
zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have
enough parts for another one."

------------------------------------------------

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered
lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to
get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that
we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206. "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't
land."

------------------------------------------------

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An
irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.

I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can
expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the
irate ground controller in her current state of mind.

Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"

 

[Angeline]

from 6/25

So as to not be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan joke. . .
you know you're from California if:

1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house ,

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.

5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

11. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

12. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps, and you don't even notice.

13. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks' wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

14. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

15. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S &M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.

16. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

17. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH".

18. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 pm Tae Bo class.

19. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

20. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

21. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????

22. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

23. The Terminator is your governor.

 

[JCSTREET]

I used to love to read Rybka's jokes and musings in his "More Medicine" thread. Well, Rybka doesn't hang out here anymore (though he might lurk; are you lurking Rybka?).

But he's still sending me (and I suspect some others of you) the stuff he used to post in that thread. And I told him, if you send it to me, I'm posting it AND I'm telling everyone you sent it.

So there.

If anyone else is getting these um Rybka ticklers (ok it was a sucky pun I know), post them here.


Ange

is rybka MALE ??? <a> is a russian feminine ending !!!

 

[BooMerengue]

I used to love to read Rybka's jokes and musings in his "More Medicine" thread. Well, Rybka doesn't hang out here anymore (though he might lurk; are you lurking Rybka?).

But he's still sending me (and I suspect some others of you) the stuff he used to post in that thread. And I told him, if you send it to me, I'm posting it AND I'm telling everyone you sent it.

So there.

If anyone else is getting these um Rybka ticklers (ok it was a sucky pun I know), post them here.


Ange

So THAT'S why Ryb quit PMing me! You scared away the fish, Ange!!!

 

[Mia Moore]

Re: Re: More Rybka Medicine

is rybka MALE ??? <a> is a russian feminine ending !!!

I miss him, I wish he would swim back in here and bring butterfly boots with him...I miss you fishie!!

but I have seen a few fishtracks here and there on the net, not saying where though, since its nonamybiz, obvioulsy

oh well, heres a joke for you, rybka, wherever you are

Q: how do you get rid of an unwanted elephant?

A: you send him pachy-n

yes, yes, its silly and stupid, it was supposed to be!! and if you dont get it, oh well...sorry

 

[Angeline]

Re: Re: More Rybka Medicine

is rybka MALE ??? <a> is a russian feminine ending !!!

Yup, he is. That "a" confuses everyone. You're not alone.

 

[Angeline]

Rybka Lives!

I know cause he sent me these over the past few days.

Black Pixel Shortage Threatens Internet!

Unconfirmed Sources report that the world supply of black pixels is running out. The shortage is believed to be caused in part by the overuse of exclamation points (!) in online humor web sites and blogs. Experts from around the globe are gathering in Silicon Valley to solve the problem.
Bob Jones from Network Solutions explained the situation. "It's really pretty simple, we are running out of black pixels. There are only so many black pixels out there and when they are gone... We are in trouble. Imagine opening an email and finding it empty because we ran out of black pixels. Our entire information civilization could grind to a halt. This is a very serious situation. We thought we had decades worth of black pixels, but we were wrong."

Unconfirmed Sources sought out an expert on the use of exclamation points and satire web sites to better understand the situation. Charlie Van Horn, a much beloved and universally admired writer for The Spoof, explained the problem.
"What people don't realize is that an exclamation point (!) uses 500% more pixels than a period (.) does. Thousands maybe millions of people are out there putting pressure on the black pixel supply by using exclamation points when they should be using periods. Bad punctuation in combination with the number of black pixels being wasted by spammers is going to get us in some real trouble. Some sites might have to close down to conserve black pixels. I don't want to be the first to say it, but I think we may have to consider rationing if this situation doesn't improve quickly."

Bob Jones agreed with Mr Van Horn and added. "While conservation of black pixels is important there are other things we can do. Many people are talking about using very dark blue or brown pixels to shore up the supply. Still others are holding out for a new discovery of more black pixels or maybe a process will be developed to make them synthetically."

The experts in Silicon Valley have estimated we have a 6 month supply of black pixels left at current usage levels. They are encouraging everybody to conserve black pixels whenever possible, but not to panic.

There have been scattered reports of black pixel hoarding and speculating, but the world, in general, remains calm.

*******

A chicken & an egg were lying in bed.
The chicken, looking very satisfied, lights a cigarette & smiles.
The egg, looking somewhat upset, gabs the sheet, rolls over, & says,

"Hmph...Well, I guess we've answered THAT question."


*******

There was this fellow who worked for US Postal Service whose job it was to
process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his
desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "Oh boy, better open
this one and see what it's all about."

So he opened it and read:

"Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone
stole my purse. It had 100 dollars in it which was all the money I had until my
next pension check. Next week is Thanksgiving, and I had invited two of my
friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I
have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?"

The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the
others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the
time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an
envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.

Thanksgiving came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the
old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It
read:

"Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of
your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very
nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was 4 dollars missing. I think it must have been those
thieving bastards at the Post Office."

Mary Ethel

**********

Karmadog lives too, but I *refuse* to repeat those stories!

 

[JCSTREET]

who is the elusive rybka

I used to love to read Rybka's jokes and musings in his "More Medicine" thread. Well, Rybka doesn't hang out here anymore (though he might lurk; are you lurking Rybka?).

But he's still sending me (and I suspect some others of you) the stuff he used to post in that thread. And I told him, if you send it to me, I'm posting it AND I'm telling everyone you sent it.

So there.

If anyone else is getting these um Rybka ticklers (ok it was a sucky pun I know), post them here.


Ange

prononce -ROOVKA

 

[BooMerengue]

LOL Can't help it- I GOTTA do it...

uhhh, JC? prononce? I could be pro nonce if I was in Middle England... I hear lots of Nonce's are there... like "For the nonce we'll say Rybka, but it's really Roovka... for now!"

It may be Roovka but he'll always be Ryb to me... He's a great guy. I wish he'd come back. He gave great review! And does cool things with fishies...

 

[BooMerengue]

This didn't come from but I think he might have liked it...

'The Texas Hillbilly

Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy named Bush.
His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he drove all about.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is.
Criminal record.
Cover-up.
Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to
Yale.
He can't spell his name but they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk.
And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is.
White gold.
Nose candy.
The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed and scarred.
We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is.
Country clubs.
Nose candy.
Twenty years later George gets a little bored.
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna
be."
So he called his daddy's friends and they called the
GOP.
Gun owners, that is.
Falwell.
Jesse Helms.
Come November 7, the election ran late.
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks get into the polls."
So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their
holes.
Chads, that is.
Duval County.
Miami-Dade.
Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped
in.
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
And that's how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is.
Illegitimate.
No moral authority.
Y'all come vote now.
Ya hear?'